Worship this morning:
O Lord our God (We will magnify)
Lord, I come Before Your Throne (What a Faithful God)
Overwhelmed by Love
I sing Praises to Your name
More Love, More Power
It started off well. I was optimistic, keen even. The service developed. Loads of testimonies. Came to the end of worship and -
Flumph. It just...died. It's actually started to make me angry, which I suppose is different from feelings of inadequacy, but in fact it's just joined together with the other feelings to sink me deeper into this....melancholia? Depression?...Stupidity? Then at the end of the service, just when it could have been made better, "the way things are done round here" got in the way, AGAIN, making me feel angry, depressed, inadequate etc etc.
It doesn't help that every single message since last Saturday is piercing me to the heart, is so appropriate to my situation, I'm screaming, LORD, I just want to be alone with You to talk all this out.
Why am I even blogging all this? In my defense, I have shared my feelings "offline", I'm not confessing all to a microchip. Am I here to encourage others, or myself?
The only thoughts keeping me sane at the moment - the wonderful words of Townend's All My Days. Keep hold of the meaning of those words, Fi. You can't go wrong.
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