Or another P word - philosophical.
When my mind and heart quit raging about something, and I realise that it really isn't worth the aggro, I often feel it's my secular self saying to my spiritual self, "Stop being such a drama queen."
She's wrong actually. But she does have a point. I can't do anything about this until Wednesday, and God's timing, impeccable as always, has made sure that I calmed down and had a few prayers said over me first before I even begin to think about doing anything about it, and making sure that any form of temptation is out of the way. I actually put it down to the prayer, not the self admonishment, that my attitude is 100% improved today than from yesterday, and about 200% from last Thursday.
Is it really worth getting uptight over? Actually, a couple of people think it is. It isn't far away from my thoughts, but it has been "filed" in "pending". It may stare at me angrily for a couple of days...but. I will not let it overtake my thoughts. This sure is a personality learning curve.
I now know what I need to say. The rest is up to God. Do I trust Him? Yes. Let's go.
Monday 30 July 2012
Sunday 29 July 2012
Lay it at the feet
Worship this morning:
Rejoice!
Take us to the River
Your Love shining like the sun (Pour over me)
Jesus You are changing me
There were 5 originally scheduled, but the Spirit led it all differently this morning. Further news of improvement in the health of my Brother in Christ, which nearly had me in tears before worship began.
Still there is a raincloud. Still there is something that needs serious sorting. I'm not sure where it's going to turn, but I need to take the advice that's been given - Give. It. To. Him. Quit wrestling with it.
I nearly posted something on Friday or Saturday about something that happened Thursday, but I realised that it was going to be a girliepitypartyrant, unhelpful and not exactly objective. And very confusing to the casual reader. And probably to me some months down the line. Needless to say, similar has happened before. From the same person. And it's been going on for months. Bringing me down. Making me doubt my future.
I complained that the night has been long. I've been told to be faithful until dawn. Here's some honesty - I don't know whether I can or if I am being faithful to the right calling. It could all be taken out of my hands anyway. Don't get me wrong - I do not doubt what I've been called to be - I doubt where I've been called. But it was good to talk to someone today who truly understands my position. Oh how God knew that they had to be there the first time I poured out my heart on these matters. How could we have possibly imagined it would be under these circumstances.
And this is confusing to the casual leader. Sorry about that. But I have to lay it somewhere, why not here?
Rejoice!
Take us to the River
Your Love shining like the sun (Pour over me)
Jesus You are changing me
There were 5 originally scheduled, but the Spirit led it all differently this morning. Further news of improvement in the health of my Brother in Christ, which nearly had me in tears before worship began.
Still there is a raincloud. Still there is something that needs serious sorting. I'm not sure where it's going to turn, but I need to take the advice that's been given - Give. It. To. Him. Quit wrestling with it.
I nearly posted something on Friday or Saturday about something that happened Thursday, but I realised that it was going to be a girliepitypartyrant, unhelpful and not exactly objective. And very confusing to the casual reader. And probably to me some months down the line. Needless to say, similar has happened before. From the same person. And it's been going on for months. Bringing me down. Making me doubt my future.
I complained that the night has been long. I've been told to be faithful until dawn. Here's some honesty - I don't know whether I can or if I am being faithful to the right calling. It could all be taken out of my hands anyway. Don't get me wrong - I do not doubt what I've been called to be - I doubt where I've been called. But it was good to talk to someone today who truly understands my position. Oh how God knew that they had to be there the first time I poured out my heart on these matters. How could we have possibly imagined it would be under these circumstances.
And this is confusing to the casual leader. Sorry about that. But I have to lay it somewhere, why not here?
Wednesday 25 July 2012
Development
Sometimes, change happens so gradually, you barely notice it.
I guess that I haven't noticed dramatic changes day by day, but I am very different from whom I was a year ago.
My prayer life is improving, thanks to two friends who are suffering rather dramatically. Nothing like serious conditions to focus the mind. And there's been good news from both of them regarding their health - or least treatment of it.
I've started a bible study diary. Well, it's not really a diary, actually. I just jot things down in the hope that Life starts to get coherence. It hasn't, but it is very interesting.
And I'm even getting my enthusiasm back for introducing new stuff to the church.
I think it somewhat of a reward that, in a week or so, which happens to be the nearest Sunday to the anniversary of me becoming "official" lead WL of my church, I will be on my own, all the group having the week off (well, I did have nearly a month...). Very apt, very special and I'm looking forward to it.
I guess that I haven't noticed dramatic changes day by day, but I am very different from whom I was a year ago.
My prayer life is improving, thanks to two friends who are suffering rather dramatically. Nothing like serious conditions to focus the mind. And there's been good news from both of them regarding their health - or least treatment of it.
I've started a bible study diary. Well, it's not really a diary, actually. I just jot things down in the hope that Life starts to get coherence. It hasn't, but it is very interesting.
And I'm even getting my enthusiasm back for introducing new stuff to the church.
I think it somewhat of a reward that, in a week or so, which happens to be the nearest Sunday to the anniversary of me becoming "official" lead WL of my church, I will be on my own, all the group having the week off (well, I did have nearly a month...). Very apt, very special and I'm looking forward to it.
Tuesday 24 July 2012
Kingsway 24th July
Title: Sovereign Over Us
First Line: There is strength within the sorrow
Artist: Aaron Keyes
Composer: Aaron Keyes, Bryan Brown & Jack Mooring
Album: Dwell
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes - from CCL website
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: This was also offered last December - another repeat then. I love the words to this, but have to say I am not that enamoured with it musically - perhaps it will grow on me. Don't really have a lot to say about this one, only that it will sit inoffensively in any Christian music collection. Sometimes I feel guilty about being a bit "Phffffft" about someone's pride and joy...this is one those occasions - I would that I liked it more...
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 30th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
First Line: There is strength within the sorrow
Artist: Aaron Keyes
Composer: Aaron Keyes, Bryan Brown & Jack Mooring
Album: Dwell
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes - from CCL website
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: This was also offered last December - another repeat then. I love the words to this, but have to say I am not that enamoured with it musically - perhaps it will grow on me. Don't really have a lot to say about this one, only that it will sit inoffensively in any Christian music collection. Sometimes I feel guilty about being a bit "Phffffft" about someone's pride and joy...this is one those occasions - I would that I liked it more...
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 30th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
Sunday 22 July 2012
I'm back...
Worship this morning
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
O Lord Our God (Magnify)
I Lift my Hands
You are Beautiful
Thou Art Worthy
And for some reason I had a strong urge to play Your Name, ouch sorry group. I'm back.
The church does seem empty without a couple of leaders, both MIA, one by choice the other not.
It was, however, good to be back. And I'm sorry the weekend's over. Which means it's been a good one.
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
O Lord Our God (Magnify)
I Lift my Hands
You are Beautiful
Thou Art Worthy
And for some reason I had a strong urge to play Your Name, ouch sorry group. I'm back.
The church does seem empty without a couple of leaders, both MIA, one by choice the other not.
It was, however, good to be back. And I'm sorry the weekend's over. Which means it's been a good one.
Saturday 21 July 2012
Slow development
This morning went OK - I may have expected more out of it, but I felt comfortable enough, and a couple of them thanked me so I'm fairly happy.
I'm not firing on all cylinders today though, it looks like a nice day and I've been invited round someone's house but I really don't feel up to it.
An old enemy reared its head this morning, and as soon as I felt it, I thought, oh no not again. Not exactly a thorn in the flesh, more something that I really should get seen to at some point - by a spiritual warrior rather than a doctor. Haven't felt that way in about 15 months. It passed, probably because the Spirit is strong in my life, but it is something I don't want to occur too frequently, not with other things being the way they are.
And the news from the other quarters looks increasingly heartbreaking. I know that there are positive thoughts that can come out of this, that our future does not stop with death, in fact it begins there. But why, I think, why should there be grief be in the world? And why should some suffer it keenly, and more than once in their life? At least I now know why He has asked me to pray for this person so specifically, and fervently. And I will.
Anyway - I practiced my singing this afternoon despite a churning stomach, and it felt good to concentrate on my voice for a little while, now that singing lessons have a bit of a hiatus. When leading worship, the focus tends to be on other things rather than my actual voice - it needs special attention once in a while.
First Sunday in 4 weeks tomorrow.
I'm not firing on all cylinders today though, it looks like a nice day and I've been invited round someone's house but I really don't feel up to it.
An old enemy reared its head this morning, and as soon as I felt it, I thought, oh no not again. Not exactly a thorn in the flesh, more something that I really should get seen to at some point - by a spiritual warrior rather than a doctor. Haven't felt that way in about 15 months. It passed, probably because the Spirit is strong in my life, but it is something I don't want to occur too frequently, not with other things being the way they are.
And the news from the other quarters looks increasingly heartbreaking. I know that there are positive thoughts that can come out of this, that our future does not stop with death, in fact it begins there. But why, I think, why should there be grief be in the world? And why should some suffer it keenly, and more than once in their life? At least I now know why He has asked me to pray for this person so specifically, and fervently. And I will.
Anyway - I practiced my singing this afternoon despite a churning stomach, and it felt good to concentrate on my voice for a little while, now that singing lessons have a bit of a hiatus. When leading worship, the focus tends to be on other things rather than my actual voice - it needs special attention once in a while.
First Sunday in 4 weeks tomorrow.
Friday 20 July 2012
Always on my mind
There are some things that really are totally out of your control and there is no point worrying about them, as they just become a burden.
Practice was good last night, it was good to be back actually, some easy picks made this week which made for a relaxed and joyful session...
...then one of us shared some news that was not good, and sent me into introspection. I'm already praying into the situation (from a specific angle) and there are others I know praying in, and fervently, from other angles. It is serious enough that weak Christians could start to lose faith. Oh yes, it really is that serious.
I was thinking about it before work this morning, that the Resurrection is the ultimate miracle and this is what we should focus on when doubts start to creep in. There were witnesses to the living, walking, talking Christ after death on the Cross - why lie about it, and therefore, why doubt it happened?
I'm praying specifically for two people, at the moment, one is also unwell, but I know that God has too much in store for them to be taken away or even stop. So I'm praying for quick recovery for this one (and for God to speak to them whilst they have the opportunity - they're always zipping around being Martha, and forget to be Mary). I have no doubts. I just worry they have too much self-will, and may forget to take things slowly.
The other is a spouse of one who is seriously unwell and it is this person for whom we had worrying news. I hear statements of faith about them, how a miracle will occur, that they will be healed. I fervently hope they will. Why has God put their spouse so specifically on my heart? I find a prayer for them every night, even when I don't feel like praying or am very tired. In my mind, they stand stark against a bright blue sky, and I'm starting to get visions for them, and last night they were in a dream I had. Why is this? I don't even want to think as to why it could be - I just pray. If I could ask God for what the future holds, I don't think I would, because I'm scared of the answer. And I don't think He would tell me anyway.
This person though - always on my mind. I'm here. I'm praying for you.
Practice was good last night, it was good to be back actually, some easy picks made this week which made for a relaxed and joyful session...
...then one of us shared some news that was not good, and sent me into introspection. I'm already praying into the situation (from a specific angle) and there are others I know praying in, and fervently, from other angles. It is serious enough that weak Christians could start to lose faith. Oh yes, it really is that serious.
I was thinking about it before work this morning, that the Resurrection is the ultimate miracle and this is what we should focus on when doubts start to creep in. There were witnesses to the living, walking, talking Christ after death on the Cross - why lie about it, and therefore, why doubt it happened?
I'm praying specifically for two people, at the moment, one is also unwell, but I know that God has too much in store for them to be taken away or even stop. So I'm praying for quick recovery for this one (and for God to speak to them whilst they have the opportunity - they're always zipping around being Martha, and forget to be Mary). I have no doubts. I just worry they have too much self-will, and may forget to take things slowly.
The other is a spouse of one who is seriously unwell and it is this person for whom we had worrying news. I hear statements of faith about them, how a miracle will occur, that they will be healed. I fervently hope they will. Why has God put their spouse so specifically on my heart? I find a prayer for them every night, even when I don't feel like praying or am very tired. In my mind, they stand stark against a bright blue sky, and I'm starting to get visions for them, and last night they were in a dream I had. Why is this? I don't even want to think as to why it could be - I just pray. If I could ask God for what the future holds, I don't think I would, because I'm scared of the answer. And I don't think He would tell me anyway.
This person though - always on my mind. I'm here. I'm praying for you.
Tuesday 17 July 2012
Kingsway 17th July
Title: There is a Day
First Line: There is a day
Artist: Lou Fellingham
Composer: Nathan Fellingham
Album: Best of Lou Fellingham Live
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF3, Mission Praise, Digital Survivor
My thoughts: It feels like Lou and Nat have been around for ever - the Fellinghams' music was popular and well used in churches when I first started going to the Pentecostals a couple of decades ago. They rarely fail to please, and I have to admit to being ever so slightly blown away by this one (despite it vaguely reminding me of a secular song - and I can't quite put my finger on it...). But I had a couple of further surprises - not only is this one already on my mp3 player; the random shuffle appears not to have hit it yet, (although this one is a better version than the one I have), but also it is a lot older than I thought. It was written in a year which I've coined the Year of the Buried Talent - 2001. In 2001, In Christ Alone was written, and there were some other amazing choruses that were popular in the churches, such as Days of Elijah and My Jesus, My Saviour - hence I think a fair few choruses just got "drowned out" and forgotten, and are found later as lost gems. Am I feeling very very "homesick" lately and this is a chorus that is especially talking to my heart? Live performances also feel very anointed, and it's great when I can "sense" the atmosphere, considering that I'm listening digitally. This is a wonderful freebie to have on the mp3 player, and I suspect it will be there for quite some time, and most definitely considered as a future chorus for my church. Go get it, you will be blessed.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 23rd July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
First Line: There is a day
Artist: Lou Fellingham
Composer: Nathan Fellingham
Album: Best of Lou Fellingham Live
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF3, Mission Praise, Digital Survivor
My thoughts: It feels like Lou and Nat have been around for ever - the Fellinghams' music was popular and well used in churches when I first started going to the Pentecostals a couple of decades ago. They rarely fail to please, and I have to admit to being ever so slightly blown away by this one (despite it vaguely reminding me of a secular song - and I can't quite put my finger on it...). But I had a couple of further surprises - not only is this one already on my mp3 player; the random shuffle appears not to have hit it yet, (although this one is a better version than the one I have), but also it is a lot older than I thought. It was written in a year which I've coined the Year of the Buried Talent - 2001. In 2001, In Christ Alone was written, and there were some other amazing choruses that were popular in the churches, such as Days of Elijah and My Jesus, My Saviour - hence I think a fair few choruses just got "drowned out" and forgotten, and are found later as lost gems. Am I feeling very very "homesick" lately and this is a chorus that is especially talking to my heart? Live performances also feel very anointed, and it's great when I can "sense" the atmosphere, considering that I'm listening digitally. This is a wonderful freebie to have on the mp3 player, and I suspect it will be there for quite some time, and most definitely considered as a future chorus for my church. Go get it, you will be blessed.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 23rd July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
Monday 16 July 2012
Milestones
I noticed today that yesterday's post was number 150, a milestone of sorts. Interesting that it was also a turning point.
Today I could barely concentrate at work. I'm itching to share my testimony from the weekend with another human that may help me make some sense of it, but of the two likeliest candidates, one's away, the other is sick and may as well be - I'll have to wait until I hear news from one of them that they are approachable but that could be weeks.
Ugh, I sound like a 5-year-old. But I am as excited as one. For I'm sensing a stirring...
Today I ran through some choruses for the weekend and was loving it - compiling worship that will be used, rather than playing purely for self edification - or am I doing a bit of both?
My spirit feels a bit impatient. This might be a good thing, but somehow methinks I have to curb it a little. It beats the melancholia of the last few weeks though.
Today I could barely concentrate at work. I'm itching to share my testimony from the weekend with another human that may help me make some sense of it, but of the two likeliest candidates, one's away, the other is sick and may as well be - I'll have to wait until I hear news from one of them that they are approachable but that could be weeks.
Ugh, I sound like a 5-year-old. But I am as excited as one. For I'm sensing a stirring...
Today I ran through some choruses for the weekend and was loving it - compiling worship that will be used, rather than playing purely for self edification - or am I doing a bit of both?
My spirit feels a bit impatient. This might be a good thing, but somehow methinks I have to curb it a little. It beats the melancholia of the last few weeks though.
Sunday 15 July 2012
Ready?
Yes, Boss, I guess I am.
When I got to church this morning, my whole attitude changed. Nothing much has changed inside, but my spirit just wanted to praise the Lord and listen to the gospel.
Some healing takes time, and I have a few brothers in Christ that need some of that - physical healing, which I know will take time. Some scars take longer to heal, but God has done a bit of work in dry dock and...
Am I ready to raise my sail?
Yes.
When I got to church this morning, my whole attitude changed. Nothing much has changed inside, but my spirit just wanted to praise the Lord and listen to the gospel.
Some healing takes time, and I have a few brothers in Christ that need some of that - physical healing, which I know will take time. Some scars take longer to heal, but God has done a bit of work in dry dock and...
Am I ready to raise my sail?
Yes.
Saturday 14 July 2012
James 3:4
Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. (KJV 1611)
James was in the middle of a discussion about taming the tongue, but I caught an analogy in above; we are the ships, life is the fierce winds, and the governor, naturally, is God.
All part of this treasure hunt I'm on.
Today went really well. They've asked if I can do it again sometime, and of course I said I would, but still I wasn't 100% satisfied. Still I'm too hard on myself. And still I have these niggles with the church. Slowly, these concerns are becoming more organised, and each time I lay it before Him, it starts making more and more sense.....and then wonder if He wants me to kick off what I think the churches should be doing - and I wouldn't know where to start. And now I'm worried for us, because we have ended up a little, erm, rudderless lately, with sabbaticals and sicknesses, one of whom I regard as a very close brother in Christ. It is serious but not terminal, it will need some recovery time and I'm not the only one who's going to miss him. The good news is that there are two external pastors willing to make sure we stay standing and don't drift (or at least have an anchor we can borrow).
I was prayed for today to receive more glory, to show myself a carrier of God's glory, for my ministry to expand, for my burdens to be lifted. Oh yes, and for an open door.
I really could do with one right now.
James was in the middle of a discussion about taming the tongue, but I caught an analogy in above; we are the ships, life is the fierce winds, and the governor, naturally, is God.
All part of this treasure hunt I'm on.
Today went really well. They've asked if I can do it again sometime, and of course I said I would, but still I wasn't 100% satisfied. Still I'm too hard on myself. And still I have these niggles with the church. Slowly, these concerns are becoming more organised, and each time I lay it before Him, it starts making more and more sense.....and then wonder if He wants me to kick off what I think the churches should be doing - and I wouldn't know where to start. And now I'm worried for us, because we have ended up a little, erm, rudderless lately, with sabbaticals and sicknesses, one of whom I regard as a very close brother in Christ. It is serious but not terminal, it will need some recovery time and I'm not the only one who's going to miss him. The good news is that there are two external pastors willing to make sure we stay standing and don't drift (or at least have an anchor we can borrow).
I was prayed for today to receive more glory, to show myself a carrier of God's glory, for my ministry to expand, for my burdens to be lifted. Oh yes, and for an open door.
I really could do with one right now.
Wednesday 11 July 2012
Slow to wrath
OK. So I get a phone call from the same person as last week.
I didn't lose my temper this time. Result.
But you know when you repeat yourself over and over again, because the person doesn't believe you?
"That is all that is written."
"Nothing else?"
"Nothing else."
"No extra notices or signposts or words?"
"Nothing else."
"Nothing mentioning X, Y or Z?"
"Nothing else." Hey, I was polite, but if speech could be bolded and underlined, you would have perceived that listening to me.
Finally, the person gives up and I guess this isn't the end of the chapter, but please God he doesn't phone up asking the same question, but I get someone who believes what I say.
But this is the problem with the human race - we just don't believe or trust one another, and frankly, whether you believe the Garden of Eden was literal or an analogy, can you really blame us?
This has got my mood somewhere in the region of "Pffffftt" and got me thinking about the stuff that has really been bugging me...
...and I then hated myself for allowing them to bug me. This Saturday, and the following Saturday, yes, I'm ready for them, or at least I know that God wants me to do them, and that means it will go OK as long as I'm doing it for Him. But I'm starting to question again whether I'm ready for Sundays.
I didn't lose my temper this time. Result.
But you know when you repeat yourself over and over again, because the person doesn't believe you?
"That is all that is written."
"Nothing else?"
"Nothing else."
"No extra notices or signposts or words?"
"Nothing else."
"Nothing mentioning X, Y or Z?"
"Nothing else." Hey, I was polite, but if speech could be bolded and underlined, you would have perceived that listening to me.
Finally, the person gives up and I guess this isn't the end of the chapter, but please God he doesn't phone up asking the same question, but I get someone who believes what I say.
But this is the problem with the human race - we just don't believe or trust one another, and frankly, whether you believe the Garden of Eden was literal or an analogy, can you really blame us?
This has got my mood somewhere in the region of "Pffffftt" and got me thinking about the stuff that has really been bugging me...
...and I then hated myself for allowing them to bug me. This Saturday, and the following Saturday, yes, I'm ready for them, or at least I know that God wants me to do them, and that means it will go OK as long as I'm doing it for Him. But I'm starting to question again whether I'm ready for Sundays.
Tuesday 10 July 2012
Kingsway 10th July
Title: All Glory
First Line: How great is Your love
Artist: Nikki Fletcher
Composer: Nikki Fletcher, Tim Hughes, Martin Smith
Album: All Glory/Spirit Break Out
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF 5
My thoughts: Okay, okay I know, and I've said, we shouldn't moan as these are free after all, but this is yet another repeat from Kingsway. Even if it is the sainted Hughes and Smith again out of the Worship Central stable. Checking up on this though, I noticed that it was as long ago as October when this was put up on Kingsway, so maybe I can forgive them. This one is....okay. I like it, and the Hughes and Smith influence is obvious. Not sure I like the rather gushy description on Kingsway, but I guess if the secular world can't appreciate Christian talent, Kingsway is just going to have to do the job. I'll even admit to liking her voice, and it's probably about time I bought Spirit Break Out, because I've liked what I've heard from it so far. Yes, I am in a funny mood today. Maybe I'll talk about it tomorrow.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 16th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
First Line: How great is Your love
Artist: Nikki Fletcher
Composer: Nikki Fletcher, Tim Hughes, Martin Smith
Album: All Glory/Spirit Break Out
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF 5
My thoughts: Okay, okay I know, and I've said, we shouldn't moan as these are free after all, but this is yet another repeat from Kingsway. Even if it is the sainted Hughes and Smith again out of the Worship Central stable. Checking up on this though, I noticed that it was as long ago as October when this was put up on Kingsway, so maybe I can forgive them. This one is....okay. I like it, and the Hughes and Smith influence is obvious. Not sure I like the rather gushy description on Kingsway, but I guess if the secular world can't appreciate Christian talent, Kingsway is just going to have to do the job. I'll even admit to liking her voice, and it's probably about time I bought Spirit Break Out, because I've liked what I've heard from it so far. Yes, I am in a funny mood today. Maybe I'll talk about it tomorrow.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 16th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too. If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff. Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong. Thanks.
Sunday 8 July 2012
Relaxed, but overwhelmed with love
Wonderful taste of what could be in church this morning. I'll say no more than that.
I was comfortable as a member of the congregation. I didn't feel weird or out of position, I was just worshipping my God in spirit and truth. It was a very relaxed service too, not always following the scheduled songs. I sung one a cappella and everyone joined in...you can take the girl away from worship leading, but you can't take the worship leader out of the girl. Felt terrific, but I thought how members of the cong can also be worship leaders, without taking away the authority from the one in the front. I'm going to think on that one a bit.
A chat with my friend (who is also temporarily in charge for a few weeks) and we've agreed I will concentrate on the other event next weekend, and resume Sundays the week after. That said - I had a request made of me for the following weekend...
I am a bit overwhelmed with the blessings, and the duties God is requiring of me. Can I by my own strength? No, but I can by His.
I also confided in my friend my spiritual issues, particularly this burden I appear to have for my predecessor. You need to keep praying for them, they said. That I can do, I just feel so helpless, though. Why are they weighing so heavy? Well, just maybe that's because God needs me to provide strength for one that is weak, and yet when I think of words to describe them, weak isn't one of them.
Maybe this situation is an exception. Something else to think on.
I was comfortable as a member of the congregation. I didn't feel weird or out of position, I was just worshipping my God in spirit and truth. It was a very relaxed service too, not always following the scheduled songs. I sung one a cappella and everyone joined in...you can take the girl away from worship leading, but you can't take the worship leader out of the girl. Felt terrific, but I thought how members of the cong can also be worship leaders, without taking away the authority from the one in the front. I'm going to think on that one a bit.
A chat with my friend (who is also temporarily in charge for a few weeks) and we've agreed I will concentrate on the other event next weekend, and resume Sundays the week after. That said - I had a request made of me for the following weekend...
I am a bit overwhelmed with the blessings, and the duties God is requiring of me. Can I by my own strength? No, but I can by His.
I also confided in my friend my spiritual issues, particularly this burden I appear to have for my predecessor. You need to keep praying for them, they said. That I can do, I just feel so helpless, though. Why are they weighing so heavy? Well, just maybe that's because God needs me to provide strength for one that is weak, and yet when I think of words to describe them, weak isn't one of them.
Maybe this situation is an exception. Something else to think on.
Friday 6 July 2012
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Yesterday, I had a Bad Day.
Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller. I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me. But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...
...today I was feeling better about things. There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?
I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole. I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt. I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated. (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it. It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)
Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...
...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader. Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment. In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor... I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area? Or am I just doing myself down again? But duty kicked in. I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength. God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down. My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.
I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for. It isn't all the little things bringing me down. It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor. Am I angry with God? Or confused that such things can happen to such good people? That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?
And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...
And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us. Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.
I must
Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion
I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply. This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)
..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio. The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders. Yes, I wept. And I remembered. Thank You God.
Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller. I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me. But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...
...today I was feeling better about things. There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?
I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole. I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt. I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated. (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it. It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)
Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...
...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader. Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment. In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor... I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area? Or am I just doing myself down again? But duty kicked in. I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength. God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down. My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.
I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for. It isn't all the little things bringing me down. It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor. Am I angry with God? Or confused that such things can happen to such good people? That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?
And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...
And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us. Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.
I must
Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion
I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply. This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)
..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio. The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders. Yes, I wept. And I remembered. Thank You God.
Wednesday 4 July 2012
In the furnace..
The other day, I read a very good sermon given by a guy called John Ortberg (I really should read more of him. He is very inciteful, honest and witty. He wrote If You Want To Walk On Water You Have To Get Out Of The Boat). He was talking about going through trials and he used the account of the fiery furnace; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
I'm sure you know the story. They were ordered to bow down to idols else be thrown into the furnace, they said no, besides our God can deliver us from the furnace and even if He doesn't, we will not worship your false gods. Nebu got rather angry at this, got the furnace hotter than the very pits of hell and it consumed some of those who were throwing them in. But they saw them in the midst of the furnace, unbound, and a fourth person with them. (Probably Jesus, says Ortberg. He's probably right.)
He made a very important point. They were not delivered from the furnace, they were delivered in the furnace.
Perhaps when I pray and I'm feeling that I'm facing a difficult choice - in my case it seems the flames or the wilderness - I should remember He delivers me in both.
I've added the set of sermons which includes this, to my booklist, on the right. On Amazon, it is only available for the Kindle, but there may be some printed copies elsewhere.
I'm sure you know the story. They were ordered to bow down to idols else be thrown into the furnace, they said no, besides our God can deliver us from the furnace and even if He doesn't, we will not worship your false gods. Nebu got rather angry at this, got the furnace hotter than the very pits of hell and it consumed some of those who were throwing them in. But they saw them in the midst of the furnace, unbound, and a fourth person with them. (Probably Jesus, says Ortberg. He's probably right.)
He made a very important point. They were not delivered from the furnace, they were delivered in the furnace.
Perhaps when I pray and I'm feeling that I'm facing a difficult choice - in my case it seems the flames or the wilderness - I should remember He delivers me in both.
I've added the set of sermons which includes this, to my booklist, on the right. On Amazon, it is only available for the Kindle, but there may be some printed copies elsewhere.
Tuesday 3 July 2012
Kingsway 3 July
Title: God is Love
First Line: Love the Lord with all your heart
Artist: Nick and Becky Drake
Composer: Nick and Becky Drake
Album: Unique
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Can't confirm
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: Strangely, Kingsway have got the links the wrong way round this week (clicking on the mp3 link gives you the pdf file, and vice versa) but this is just me getting distracted. On first listen I thought, aha another cutsie chorus that is annoyingly catchy, on second listen I thought, yep, I was right. It's an okay chorus, I'll probably add to the list and maybe even play it on my guitar once in a while, but I can't see it becoming huge, it's a little too simple for that. Although. Stranger things have happened. Write things off, they only get written back on again. And as I've said, I am rather over critical of female singers generally, and perhaps I should repent of that.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 10th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too.
First Line: Love the Lord with all your heart
Artist: Nick and Becky Drake
Composer: Nick and Becky Drake
Album: Unique
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Can't confirm
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: Strangely, Kingsway have got the links the wrong way round this week (clicking on the mp3 link gives you the pdf file, and vice versa) but this is just me getting distracted. On first listen I thought, aha another cutsie chorus that is annoyingly catchy, on second listen I thought, yep, I was right. It's an okay chorus, I'll probably add to the list and maybe even play it on my guitar once in a while, but I can't see it becoming huge, it's a little too simple for that. Although. Stranger things have happened. Write things off, they only get written back on again. And as I've said, I am rather over critical of female singers generally, and perhaps I should repent of that.
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 10th July inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers. Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too.
Monday 2 July 2012
..given some time to think...
Some of the fuss has died down at work, and although I was proud to be part of a major project, it's good to be back to normal - all over bar the debrief.
I may have just been tired yesterday, I think I now have an inkling of the expression "dead on your feet", but I was grateful that I wasn't involved with church in any way yesterday. Is this sad, indicative of the way my heart is at the moment, or is God keeping me focussed on rest? I didn't even go, for the first time since March, although I was awake in time. I lay awake for an hour to hour and a half, thinking about nothing, or sometimes thinking about Jude and Revelation - finally after nearly 18 months I'm in the last book of the Bible and I find it incredible that both books contain stuff that I have been thinking about lately. No - not really end time prophecy, although I think all humans have a secret fascination of this, despite them telling themselves and others "It's in God's hands" (just make sure the fascination doesn't turn into preoccupation, that's a pit of snakes) - more to do with the church's attitude, thoughts of false prophets and the warnings to the 7 churches...
Over the weekend, a couple of special things were on involving some of the churches in North Wales, but I haven't heard any feedback so I even wonder if it was special enough to warrant the grapevine. I could ask I suppose, but this kind of apathy is fairly typical - whether it was good or bad I would probably have to ask and I would be told something positive, and I think if it was that good why didn't you tell others? If you can't tell your fellow brethren, what does that say for the unbelievers? Or maybe it just wasn't that good. But let's try and be honest with each other.
I've tried to lay it on the line, been honest with God, because let's face it, God can see right through you, He made you. In a nutshell - I'm sick of the apathy. Not just towards worship, and not just our church. Just all round apathy. They say all the right things in church, and maybe to fellow Christians who attended the same service. But they don't share with others outside, and certainly not with other churches. Why why why why are we being so precious about the gospel and our programmes? We really are, at best, an army of Jonahs, or at worst, a bunch of Laodiceans.
I'm looking for an answer, and I don't even know the question. I'm just as bad as all of them. And we believe in Revival?
I may have just been tired yesterday, I think I now have an inkling of the expression "dead on your feet", but I was grateful that I wasn't involved with church in any way yesterday. Is this sad, indicative of the way my heart is at the moment, or is God keeping me focussed on rest? I didn't even go, for the first time since March, although I was awake in time. I lay awake for an hour to hour and a half, thinking about nothing, or sometimes thinking about Jude and Revelation - finally after nearly 18 months I'm in the last book of the Bible and I find it incredible that both books contain stuff that I have been thinking about lately. No - not really end time prophecy, although I think all humans have a secret fascination of this, despite them telling themselves and others "It's in God's hands" (just make sure the fascination doesn't turn into preoccupation, that's a pit of snakes) - more to do with the church's attitude, thoughts of false prophets and the warnings to the 7 churches...
Over the weekend, a couple of special things were on involving some of the churches in North Wales, but I haven't heard any feedback so I even wonder if it was special enough to warrant the grapevine. I could ask I suppose, but this kind of apathy is fairly typical - whether it was good or bad I would probably have to ask and I would be told something positive, and I think if it was that good why didn't you tell others? If you can't tell your fellow brethren, what does that say for the unbelievers? Or maybe it just wasn't that good. But let's try and be honest with each other.
I've tried to lay it on the line, been honest with God, because let's face it, God can see right through you, He made you. In a nutshell - I'm sick of the apathy. Not just towards worship, and not just our church. Just all round apathy. They say all the right things in church, and maybe to fellow Christians who attended the same service. But they don't share with others outside, and certainly not with other churches. Why why why why are we being so precious about the gospel and our programmes? We really are, at best, an army of Jonahs, or at worst, a bunch of Laodiceans.
I'm looking for an answer, and I don't even know the question. I'm just as bad as all of them. And we believe in Revival?
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