..given some time to think...

Some of the fuss has died down at work, and although I was proud to be part of a major project, it's good to be back to normal - all over bar the debrief.

I may have just been tired yesterday, I think I now have an inkling of the expression "dead on your feet", but I was grateful that I wasn't involved with church in any way yesterday.  Is this sad, indicative of the way my heart is at the moment, or is God keeping me focussed on rest?  I didn't even go, for the first time since March, although I was awake in time.  I lay awake for an hour to hour and a half, thinking about nothing, or sometimes thinking about Jude and Revelation - finally after nearly 18 months I'm in the last book of the Bible and I find it incredible that both books contain stuff that I have been thinking about lately.  No - not really end time prophecy, although I think all humans have a secret fascination of this, despite them telling themselves and others "It's in God's hands" (just make sure the fascination doesn't turn into preoccupation, that's a pit of snakes) - more to do with the church's attitude, thoughts of false prophets and the warnings to the 7 churches...

Over the weekend, a couple of special things were on involving some of the churches in North Wales, but I haven't heard any feedback so I even wonder if it was special enough to warrant the grapevine.  I could ask I suppose, but this kind of apathy is fairly typical - whether it was good or bad I would probably have to ask and I would be told something positive, and I think if it was that good why didn't you tell others?  If you can't tell your fellow brethren, what does that say for the unbelievers?  Or maybe it just wasn't that good.  But let's try and be honest with each other.

I've tried to lay it on the line, been honest with God, because let's face it, God can see right through you, He made you.  In a nutshell - I'm sick of the apathy.  Not just towards worship, and not just our church.  Just all round apathy.  They say all the right things in church, and maybe to fellow Christians who attended the same service.  But they don't share with others outside, and certainly not with other churches.  Why why why why are we being so precious about the gospel and our programmes?  We really are, at best, an army of Jonahs, or at worst, a bunch of Laodiceans.

I'm looking for an answer, and I don't even know the question.  I'm just as bad as all of them.  And we believe in Revival?