Great is Thy Faithfulness

Yesterday, I had a Bad Day.

Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller.  I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me.  But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...

...today I was feeling better about things.  There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?

I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole.  I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt.  I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated.  (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it.  It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)

Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...

...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader.  Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment.  In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor...  I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area?  Or am I just doing myself down again?  But duty kicked in.  I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength.  God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down.  My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.

I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for.  It isn't all the little things bringing me down.  It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor.  Am I angry with God?  Or confused that such things can happen to such good people?  That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?

And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...

And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us.  Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.

I must

Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion

I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply.  This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)

..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio.  The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders.  Yes, I wept.  And I remembered.  Thank You God.