Focus

Today should be a day of reflection, but I haven't really done any of that today.  I have actually reflected on the last year for some weeks, I am not the person I was 12 months ago.

No, instead, I've been doing lots of normal stuff, and daft stuff, trying to take my mind off a thorn in the flesh.  One that I've had for 7-8 weeks now, and yes, I've asked Him to take it away.  Several times.  And I will keep asking.  It's something that should go away on its own - eventually - but I wonder how much longer I have to endure this.  I wonder if I'll be ready for anything that's chucked at me when it is all over.  And I like to hope there will be a mighty testimony at the end of it.

Also, as is probably pretty normal, I'm looking to the future.  I believe God has asked something of me - and I'm unsure if I can do it.  In fact, it was pretty distressing.  When it is something that can affect a few people, you should really get confirmation, so I said, OK, if someone confirms it to me, I will do it....or if I feel brave enough I'll do it anyway.  Something tells me that God will force my hand if I don't.  If it is Him that's asking.

The old me would probably be climbing the walls at this point.  I'm just trying to trust.

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Be all else but naught to me, save that Thou art
Be Thou my best thought by the day or the night
Both waking and sleeping, Thy presence my light

Happy New Year, wherever you are.

Troubled

Rather than the tempest of recent months, my little tea cup has a minor storm, maybe 3 or 4 rising slowly.

There are lots of things bothering me, niggles of mostly my own making, irritations in little details of my life.

I know what you're thinking; these niggles, irritations, gnats underneath the mosquito net that is life, is what being human is all about.

I don't want to be bothered, niggled or irritated.  It ruins communication.  Particularly Communication.  Perhaps the only way I can Communicate at the moment is through my guitar.

It doesn't help that I'm still in Ezekiel - it's a bit like running barefoot through a field that has been liberally strewn with barbed wire.  I usually get some peace with Make Love, Make War, still reading it, even though you can easily get through a chapter in 20 mins-half an hour.  My gosh, its making me think.  And then whilst reading it, I got niggled by something stated, because I knew it had to apply somewhere in my life, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what.  So I decided to close my eyes and meditate on this.  But my brain tends to like different channels of thought.  Suddenly, a new Bible study, in fact several, were popping into my head, which I just have to shelve or "file" in the rather wobbly filing cabinet of my brain.  (It's fine.  If I get round to them in my lifetime, great.  If not, I have an eternity to understand God)

But even sitting here typing this, I know how to calm the storm.  He's had me in the palm of His hand since my birth, before that even.  All He wants to do is direct my paths, if I just let Him. Be still and know that I am God.  Everything that I have allowed Him into since February of last year (and believe me, it's just about everything) has been turned into abundant blessing, or to the good of my growth, knowing that I have become just that little bit more mature.

Be still.

Memories of an Anglican childhood

My parents weren't practising Christians, but I was educated in an Anglican "Holy Trinity" school.  Plenty of memories invoked by the hymns that we had practiced on Thursday night.  Just me and the flautist; I had picked 7 hymns, 1 very modern, another less than 50 years old, the rest ancient words of Christmasses past, and I tried to savour the words when I could.  Out of the 7, only 1 did not get a turn (Angels from the Realms of Glory), the rest were played either before the service started or after the intros:

Joy Has Dawned
See Him lying on a Bed of Straw (Calypso Carol)
Hark! the herald-angels Sing
O come, All ye faithful
As with Gladness
O Little Town of Bethlehem (the St Louis version, popular with the US, rather than our traditional Forest Green)

It was relaxed, and there was a surprising number of people in our small "chapel" section of the main hall.  I was going to be leading worship next Friday, but the church has decided to take a week off from this, so I'm going to enjoy the brief break.

First Christmas leading then.  I am really looking forward to leading at Easter.  Last Easter was the first time I was part of a worship team, next Easter is likely to be the first time leading, if God wills it.

May all of you out there always remember that, ultimately, it was why He was sent into the world, rather than how, that is the true gift that God wants us to remember, not just at Christmas, but all year round.

Have a blessed Christmas.

An excellent reminder

An earlier post had me saying that some WL's are stating the worryingly obvious.  I have found an absolutely brilliant post that nearly reduced me to tears:

alanscottsposterous

We've all been guilty of some or all of the issues he raises, at some point, and they are not blindingly obvious or stuff we should learn early on.  A reminder, from a leader, of just what we should be.

Bored?

Do NOT, under any circumstances tell God you're bored, unless, of course, you actually want something to do.

If you are happy in your idleness, that's absolutely fine, rejoice in it.

Ask God "What next?" be sure that He will give you something to do.

He has.

He's awesome.

Coiled spring

I felt weird last night.  It was like I had been stressed for so long, with so many worries that have completely dissapated, that I felt somewhat....lost...the coiled spring has relaxed making me think...what now?

I read a little Ezekiel, and then a little of "Make Love, Make War" by Brian Doerksen, the latter of which I am taking my time reading; I inhale books usually, I can easily get through 2-3 75,000 word books a week, but Doerksen's book is such an inspiration and he discusses so many points that I have to sit, think and meditate on them for a while.  No book, other than the Bible, has really done this for me before.  I don't know many of the songs he discusses, but it doesn't matter, this guy is on my wavelength when it comes to "pure" worship straight out of 2 Chron 20.

Despite my strange state, something special was happening last night.  I had been playing with Musescore earlier and I was playing around with a simple melody.  In bed last night, a chorus was added to it.  I wonder now whether it is another chorus I've heard, or truly a new song to the Lord.  I even have some words to it.  Is God calling me to write a song, when ones I've written in the past have been tuneless, with cliched words?  Then again, the Spirit wasn't living in me then.  Well, we'll see.  It might just be self edification, but at least it is a project that I can ponder on whilst everything else in my life is quiet.

Twas the week before Christmas

And not a carol was stirring...

Worship this morning:

Come On and Celebrate
Who Paints the Skies?
All Heaven Declares
I Sing Praises to Your Name
Isn't He Beautiful?

Missed practice a lot this week, so much so that I had an inspiration that the group should all get together on Thursday, play some carols, eat some mince pies and decide who's going to lead the worship on Sunday.  So that's what we're going to do.

Wow.  Christmas.  This time last year I was counting down the days to the end of my (then) job and vaguely worrying about what was coming next.  So much has happened in 2011, a second chance, a new life, a new vocation, a new job.  Thank You God, for getting me through this.