Drifting (again) or should that be a rolling stone?

Hebrews 10:25 was nagging me last night, so I guess that the Boss was trying to tell me something.  I got the message, I need a good week.

And another new church.

The worship was fab.  I had forgotten just how much I'd missed really good praise and worship, and singing Bless the Lord, 10,000 Reasons at one point, feeling the pentecostal spirit erupting in there, but...

...I had reservations about a few other things, which got me thinking about my future in the churches, and the ones I've been to recently.

In one, the preacher is brilliant, but the worship is scheduled in too much, rather than spontaneous.  Another is friendly, small, but with power, but the worship is too restrained, and certain other things need reining in (it is a baby church, so these messes are cleared up in time).  Another, the worship is free (a bit too free actually) the messages are powerful and stuff is happening....but controlled by a clique within the church and input is not encouraged from others.

If only all the good stuff was in one church building, because a lot of the issues that bother me I don't think I could live with for more than a few weeks.

Yes yes yes I know there is no such thing as a perfect church.  I should go find one that I can be at least 80% happy...

Few people have taken me seriously with an idea I have though, that God doesn't want me to be in any one church building, that I can go round 5 or 6 churches on a sort of rota.  From there I see the whole picture, where there's a prophecy in one fulfilled in another.  (Actually I witnessed such this morning.  And someone said to me how blessed they are by my worship in the outreach group.  Y'see, God knew I needed to hear that.)

I am not forsaking the coming together.  OK, a rolling stone gathereth no WL job, but as I said, this I sense is becoming secondary to my being.

I've never had the travel bug, but going round lots of different churches to see and hear what is happening...to a Christian....honestly...how exciting is that?

Sabbath Rest

I've often said I don't regard these outreach WL sessions as proper work, in fact they've started to become part of the healing process.  Worship was fab today, I knew it was going to be OK from the first chorus.  I need to start remembering to worship myself, and trust God to be in control of the rest.

It was great to be free today, and as good as the morning was, feeling "happy exhausted" at the end of it (so a good day at the office), I came home slightly sorry that it was over....but....I then thought...

...glory be.  I don't have to worry about this again for at least another week.  I am free of that for a while.  God, as far as I'm concerned, can take His time over paving the way for me.  It isn't laziness, for I will happily take up the sword when He needs me to - no, it is finally being happy in my lot, a burden lifted, a responsibility removed for a while, I have entered a wilderness of sorts, yes, but a beautiful one, a rest.  I decided to try and have meandGod time during the periods I would normally have been with the group, or on my own, practicing or chorusstorming.

Maybe He'll point the way during those times.

Although I don't want to be impatient, someone told me today to make sure I find where God wants me quickly else the blessings I can give with my anointing will be wasted.  It was encouraging, and thinking of it, extremely sobering.

I am, after all, a foot soldier, and it ain't no good to be on furlough for too long.

Beauty

Yesterday, someone prayed for me that, like a butterfly, I would carry God's beauty wherever I went.

Sounds a bit fluffy for me, I thought.

Worship this morning:

Jesus, We Celebrate Your Victory
Crown Him with many Crowns
I Will Offer up my Life (Thankful Heart)
Jesus Shall Take the Highest Honour  - the "chorus" only, drifting to...
Isn't He Beautiful - drifting back to the chorus of the former, and I added the cherry of..
I Sing Praises to Your Name

During prayer, it came out that I had blessed someone that morning - the guy who had come to open up!  My "warm-up" this morning was Rugged Cross (I tend to pick something at random, usually not something that's part of the main worship) - I was told that he had been touched by it and a seed had been planted and during the message I remembered..

..oh yes...the butterfly....

Some clarity has come at long last.  I need to finish the transition, and that's a butterfly analogy in itself.  I may have been seeing into another season - and I need to be ready for it first.

Somebody mentioned how tired I looked this morning, but encouraged me in the worship saying it was better than if I had been fresh - God's like that.  He gives you the energy even when you're ready to go back to bed.

Hope, Promises, Love

Worship this morning:

Tell Out my Soul
From the Breaking of the Dawn
Above All Powers
At the Cross
I Worship You, Almighty God

I will maintain and even improve upon all mortal relationships, for if a relationship moves into a different chapter, I want it to continue, even if it's from afar.  What good is it to sour, you may need it later - and you could end up trying to use something very skanky indeed!

When I think that the next time the group could be properly together again, the clocks would have gone back and autumn will be moving into winter, it sorta saddens me, and my heart pangs as I really don't know what's going to happen "beyond", once plans laid are put into action.  Yes, I have three more Sundays, a special day and possibly another Saturday as a "locum" (though several of us are praying that the permanent WL comes back, soon, for their spiritual health) - yet it feels like a gradual descent into a feather bed of rest, and yet in this bed I will have to also seek.

I feel so so tired, I'm not even halfway yet.  I am happy - sort of - but I am a little fearful that my strength could give out, that I have taken on much too much against God's will.

I think I'll take it gradually at work tomorrow, I'm actually looking forward to it as I'll be seeing parts of a process as yet unseen.

I pray for my own spiritual clouded glass to clear soon.  It is.  Slowly.  Maybe I'm afraid of what it might show.

Courts of the King

Today was a Good Day.

It was a God Day.

It started with words of encouragement and really good worship in this sorta locum WL activity I've found myself in.  Someone pointed out (and liked the fact) that it was made up of old choruses.  But, my gosh, when 3 of them have them singing in tongues and you feel like an ocean wave you just know the Spirit is moving.

At the beginning of the proceedings someone reminded me that if it is just one on one, i.e. just me worshipping God - sobeit.  Don't worry if not one person is joining in.  Worship God.  It wasn't until the 3rd verse of the second chorus that I started to settle, and worship.

Oh wow, it felt good today.  It's the way worship should be - that I feel topped up, invigorated - and utterly exhausted.  But to feel spiritually improved and tired is a good thing, believe me.  I feel that I've given God 110%.

My spirit fervently prays that the person I'm "locum"ing for comes back soon.  In fact, it would be best for them to be there as soon as possible - for their own spiritual health.

I am so going to enjoy this whilst it lasts though.  Thank You.  This has all come at exactly the right time.

Faith

Almost slap bang in the centre of Lamentations, a book perhaps second only to Revelations in descriptive horror:

"It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness." - Lam 3:22-23 KJV 1611

Amazing isn't it, that in the midst of Jeremiah's discourse, when it sounds like it can't get any worse, he praises God that he is still alive.

Worship this morning:

Holy, Holy, God Almighty
Lord I come before Your throne
In Christ Alone
On the Cross
All Hail the Lamb

...and I felt that we needed to carry on singing, so

I just want to praise You

And, unusually, I was invited to play something after the message, and I chose

My Lord, what Love is this

And although they are not out of woods, my friend's act of rebellion was to turn up at church today, despite having a major operation a couple of weeks back.  No, it didn't blow up, it was peaceful, but I sensed a certain tension, which wasn't allowed to develop.  It was good to see them, and when I hugged them goodbye and they said they missed me, I said, me too, more than you know.  It may be a few weeks before I see them again - yes, there's the phone, yes there's email, yes I could even go see them...somehow it's not the same out of the environment of the church.

Yesterday, during prayer, I felt the tangle that I've been caught up in, unravel a little, freedom and sunshine didn't seem as far away than of late.  Maybe clarity is not far behind, maybe I can grasp hold of what God is trying to tell me....

...there was further news today of someone who isn't a member of the church but is a long term friend of many within the church (and his spouse was my predecessor)...let's just say the news, on a mortal level, isn't good.

I have come to understand that death is not an ending - it is a beginning, although it can feel like an ending to those they leave behind.  It is, indeed, a bridge, that we cannot cross (and must not attempt to prematurely - although technically we can!) until God so calls us.   It's the interminable wait though - and maybe the knowledge that when we see them again it will be different and the relationship cannot be as it was on earth - it will in fact be something better.  My SOH agrees though - we may go separately (the likelihood is high in fact - you can probably guess why) - but when we meet again, the relationship will be perhaps more "special" than others, and even those who have had multiple spouses, they will be in some sort of special harmony and they, perhaps, will have more to enjoy, as they have shed the most tears...

I am perhaps being whimsical, it's not something I dwell on much.   Over the next week, I need to quit maudlin, and do more kneeling.

Relaxed, but overwhelmed with love

Wonderful taste of what could be in church this morning.  I'll say no more than that.

I was comfortable as a member of the congregation.  I didn't feel weird or out of position, I was just worshipping my God in spirit and truth.  It was a very relaxed service too, not always following the scheduled songs.  I sung one a cappella and everyone joined in...you can take the girl away from worship leading, but you can't take the worship leader out of the girl.  Felt terrific, but I thought how members of the cong can also be worship leaders, without taking away the authority from the one in the front.  I'm going to think on that one a bit.

A chat with my friend (who is also temporarily in charge for a few weeks) and we've agreed I will concentrate on the other event next weekend, and resume Sundays the week after.  That said - I had a request made of me for the following weekend...

I am a bit overwhelmed with the blessings, and the duties God is requiring of me.  Can I by my own strength?  No, but I can by His.

I also confided in my friend my spiritual issues, particularly this burden I appear to have for my predecessor.  You need to keep praying for them, they said.  That I can do, I just feel so helpless, though.  Why are they weighing so heavy?  Well, just maybe that's because God needs me to provide strength for one that is weak, and yet when I think of words to describe them, weak isn't one of them.

Maybe this situation is an exception.  Something else to think on.

Be Still

Worship this morning

I Believe in Jesus
Lord, I Lift Your Name on High
Lord, I come to You (Power of Your Love)
Be Still (The Holy One is Here)
Peace Like a River

I unexpectedly led worship on Friday night, and the music "I" chose then changed the course of the evening.  It was so special, I was almost on my knees at the end of the message.  (I'm not proud, I would have been, but I damaged my left knee, twice, last summer and it's still not fully recovered - if a cushion had been handy...!)

I should have realised at that point that God was trying to tell me something.  The above were chosen before Wednesday, perhaps even before last Sunday (I tend to go through the choruses 8 days ahead on a Saturday)

Last night, I was apprehensive about this morning, wondering what to expect as the heartache of late has been a bit much.  I said "I'm just going to play for You, Lord", and I did.  I was invited to give my testimony this morning, and I did.

The Spirit peacefully blew about the church today, which in turn, calmed the various storms in my life.

No - none of it will go away quickly, and the 48-72 hours that I will be away from my friends, spouse and home (in a couple of weeks) I don't expect to be enough either.

He is gently calling me, whilst at the same time confirming I am where I should be, but I need to take some time and be alone with Him, and I am so looking forward to it.

To be in His presence.  To seek His face.  All I want right now.

Feel it in my spirit, feel it in my bones...

Where the worship for Sunday is preplanned, we have a special praise and worship night on Saturday and this will be more spontaneous.

Originally I thought I might be on my own for this, making it very spotaneous, but it's perhaps just as well that I'm not, and have rounded up around 16 or 17 well known hymns/choruses (plus a "surprise" for my church, which may be well known to the other churches invited to this shindig).  This has made a sort of "hymn book" of likelies, and this is obviously easier on the musicians to sense the route with me.  As I was pairing them up last night (key and theme) and looking at possible "routes" through, I was struck deep down in my spirit.

Just like a lot of Sundays, a theme had emerged, and this wasn't by my own effort; I "chorusstormed" to get thus far (picked choruses that I had a good feeling about).  The theme?  Revival.

I have always been highly cynical about the subject, oh yeah, yahdeyahdeyahda, great rivival due, lots of talk, no action.  Actually, I think that a lot of Christians secretly feel the same way.  They don't get angry with God over this, more exasperated with their leaders - after all, they are supposed to be "tuned in".

Something very special is about to occur, I can sense it.  I don't know if it's revival, revelation or revolution.  I don't know whether to say anything to anybody about this or not....

An excellent reminder

An earlier post had me saying that some WL's are stating the worryingly obvious.  I have found an absolutely brilliant post that nearly reduced me to tears:

alanscottsposterous

We've all been guilty of some or all of the issues he raises, at some point, and they are not blindingly obvious or stuff we should learn early on.  A reminder, from a leader, of just what we should be.

Rollercoaster

Thank you God.

Praise You, Lord, for Your mercies endure forever.

Whatever comes my way, whether they be fiery darts or flaming boulders, You, and only You can shield me from harm.

Thank You for finding me again.  Thank You for starting again with me and shaping me with Your Potter's Hand into the person You want me to be.  Thank You for your abundant gifts and blessings upon me, for bestowing them although I am unworthy of them, for what can I give in return but my heart, praise from my lips, spirit and soul, praise that is to You only, Heavenly Father, for great Thou Art, Thou art worthy.

Through everything, whether it be tears or joy, work or play, I will praise You, O Lord, my shield, my buckler, in Thee I trust alone.

Thank You for friends, for fellowship, for your abundant mercies on Your children, for the protection and comfort You give all those that belong to You.  You have called me Yours.  You have claimed me as Yours alone.  You have snatched me from the brink of hell.

Praise You, O Holy, Holy, Holy art Thou, O God.  My God, I will praise You forever.

Tunes that stick in your head

You know - everyone gets this.

It is indicative of the "new me" lately that it isn't something like "Merry Christmas Everybody", but "Jesus! the name high over all" that I've been whistling all over the place, in the office and the supermarket.

Well, my spirit is happy at least, but why that particular hymn, I haven't a clue.  We're not doing that one this week, but it is one great bellows buster I love to play and lead.

OK PA Man, guess what I'm going to do as a sound check this week.  :-)

Praise through the hard times

I learned a lot of what I do now at the feet (almost literally, she stood, I sat) of a wonderful local worship leader.  She's been through it, and you know that sometimes we have to go through the fire - how can we be refined otherwise?

She spoke of a time when she was experiencing health and personal problems and was crying out to God, who said to her clearly, "But you've praised Me throughout this, haven't you?"  Yes, she said, the only thing that keeps me going and the only thing that I can do when everything else fails.

When the evil one tries to tighten the grip of fear, worry, tension, heartache, adversity, resentment (list is not exhaustible) praise God and the devil will flee, leaving Jesus to heal the wounds that have been left behind.

Thursday night practice, I thought beforehand that I couldn't make it through, yet once there, I felt 2 Chron 20 in action.  The battle is the Lord's: stand therefore, do what you can do, if you can speak, if you can sing, you can praise.  I don't know how much the group knew of what was going on with me, I can say that at least one person there knew most of the story and stayed throughout even though they didn't have to (we both know why he did; and I thank the Lord for him), I don't think the rest of them could tell.  And that's how it should be: you can't let it show, because the enemy gets in again.

I am tired though.  I have harder work in my personal life now, but what else can I do except pick up my guitar and sing praises to my King, who is carrying me through this?