Yes, been a while.
Well, the fact is, the blog is meant to be about worship leading, and I haven't been leading worship for a good two months. It's a chapter in my life that I thought may come to an end.
Yeah, yeah, once a worship leader etc, once God has a purpose planned for you etc etc.
But I recently found you don't have to be at the front of the church to lead worship...
Today, though, I have popped in to say that another chapter may be opening as something intriguing happened yesterday.
I guess I now have to exercise patience.
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Monday, 9 September 2013
Friday, 12 July 2013
Funny ol' turn of events
I've been asked to lead worship for a branch of the outreach I already lead worship for.
I don't know anyone at this place which is 30 miles away.
It got me to thinking that God still has a hand, and there's a reason for this interesting turn, caused again by the death of someone else.
Co-incidence? No. God-incidence. Gotta do this just so I see what happens next.
I don't know anyone at this place which is 30 miles away.
It got me to thinking that God still has a hand, and there's a reason for this interesting turn, caused again by the death of someone else.
Co-incidence? No. God-incidence. Gotta do this just so I see what happens next.
Sunday, 13 January 2013
Drifting (again) or should that be a rolling stone?
Hebrews 10:25 was nagging me last night, so I guess that the Boss was trying to tell me something. I got the message, I need a good week.
And another new church.
The worship was fab. I had forgotten just how much I'd missed really good praise and worship, and singing Bless the Lord, 10,000 Reasons at one point, feeling the pentecostal spirit erupting in there, but...
...I had reservations about a few other things, which got me thinking about my future in the churches, and the ones I've been to recently.
In one, the preacher is brilliant, but the worship is scheduled in too much, rather than spontaneous. Another is friendly, small, but with power, but the worship is too restrained, and certain other things need reining in (it is a baby church, so these messes are cleared up in time). Another, the worship is free (a bit too free actually) the messages are powerful and stuff is happening....but controlled by a clique within the church and input is not encouraged from others.
If only all the good stuff was in one church building, because a lot of the issues that bother me I don't think I could live with for more than a few weeks.
Yes yes yes I know there is no such thing as a perfect church. I should go find one that I can be at least 80% happy...
Few people have taken me seriously with an idea I have though, that God doesn't want me to be in any one church building, that I can go round 5 or 6 churches on a sort of rota. From there I see the whole picture, where there's a prophecy in one fulfilled in another. (Actually I witnessed such this morning. And someone said to me how blessed they are by my worship in the outreach group. Y'see, God knew I needed to hear that.)
I am not forsaking the coming together. OK, a rolling stone gathereth no WL job, but as I said, this I sense is becoming secondary to my being.
I've never had the travel bug, but going round lots of different churches to see and hear what is happening...to a Christian....honestly...how exciting is that?
And another new church.
The worship was fab. I had forgotten just how much I'd missed really good praise and worship, and singing Bless the Lord, 10,000 Reasons at one point, feeling the pentecostal spirit erupting in there, but...
...I had reservations about a few other things, which got me thinking about my future in the churches, and the ones I've been to recently.
In one, the preacher is brilliant, but the worship is scheduled in too much, rather than spontaneous. Another is friendly, small, but with power, but the worship is too restrained, and certain other things need reining in (it is a baby church, so these messes are cleared up in time). Another, the worship is free (a bit too free actually) the messages are powerful and stuff is happening....but controlled by a clique within the church and input is not encouraged from others.
If only all the good stuff was in one church building, because a lot of the issues that bother me I don't think I could live with for more than a few weeks.
Yes yes yes I know there is no such thing as a perfect church. I should go find one that I can be at least 80% happy...
Few people have taken me seriously with an idea I have though, that God doesn't want me to be in any one church building, that I can go round 5 or 6 churches on a sort of rota. From there I see the whole picture, where there's a prophecy in one fulfilled in another. (Actually I witnessed such this morning. And someone said to me how blessed they are by my worship in the outreach group. Y'see, God knew I needed to hear that.)
I am not forsaking the coming together. OK, a rolling stone gathereth no WL job, but as I said, this I sense is becoming secondary to my being.
I've never had the travel bug, but going round lots of different churches to see and hear what is happening...to a Christian....honestly...how exciting is that?
Friday, 11 January 2013
Drifting
Yes, I've backed off the last couple of weeks.
Actually, I've backed off a little too much I think, and started doing stuff which is....well not sinful exactly, just somewhat unworthy of me - or should that be worthy of my own self, but not for my Creator?
Whatever - I'm losing it, and I know why this is, I'm not getting regular fellowship with other Christians.
But even that is a wretched excuse. I don't work for a Christian organisation, but it is one that is fair, balanced and respectful (yes, that is a rarity) so it isn't as if work has corrupted me, although I have been very very busy.
I will be seeing a friend on Monday, and it could be the last time I see them in a good few months. This makes me somewhat melancholic...There's email, there's phone calls, but there's nothing like face to face...
...face to face..I can only imagine...
I need to prepare for a worship session next week, and I'm halfway there, but....something is happening in my heart, worship leading is going to become secondary in my relationship with God. Yes, I know that it won't be, never could be, either/or, but there are indications that He doesn't see it as the most important activity He wants me for. And I sense certain tasks are coming to a conclusion, by which time I will, and must, let go.
Actually, I've backed off a little too much I think, and started doing stuff which is....well not sinful exactly, just somewhat unworthy of me - or should that be worthy of my own self, but not for my Creator?
Whatever - I'm losing it, and I know why this is, I'm not getting regular fellowship with other Christians.
But even that is a wretched excuse. I don't work for a Christian organisation, but it is one that is fair, balanced and respectful (yes, that is a rarity) so it isn't as if work has corrupted me, although I have been very very busy.
I will be seeing a friend on Monday, and it could be the last time I see them in a good few months. This makes me somewhat melancholic...There's email, there's phone calls, but there's nothing like face to face...
...face to face..I can only imagine...
I need to prepare for a worship session next week, and I'm halfway there, but....something is happening in my heart, worship leading is going to become secondary in my relationship with God. Yes, I know that it won't be, never could be, either/or, but there are indications that He doesn't see it as the most important activity He wants me for. And I sense certain tasks are coming to a conclusion, by which time I will, and must, let go.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Storms
I've been reading some Andrew Murray (no, not the tennis player, the South African preacher) and I realised that the sermon that I had alighted upon was speaking into my life. He was talking about Peter and his "crisis of faith" and "conviction of sin" at the moment he realised that he had denied Christ three times as predicted...
...and yet He still loved Peter. The Peter at the gate became a different Peter at Pentecost when he gave it all over and received an infilling of the Holy Spirit.
When we finally realise we haven't given it all, that we are still fighting with our flesh not His Spirit, only then, I think, can the true healing begin.
I've had an extremely difficult week. I did have an enjoyable bit of fellowship Saturday evening - but over the phone. They said to me they always prefer phone calls, so that's something I've now firmly noted. The Saturday outreach was difficult, but well received. I know that I didn't put a lot of effort into it, and you only get out what you put in. Even the secular world recognises that. Or at least, the sensible and unselfish ones do.
Yes - I went to church yesterday, and I was weeping all the way through. I am having a tough time, yet I haven't really admitted it to anyone. With all the various aches and pains I've suffered over the years, from mild to utterly excrutiating, nothing compares to a hurting heart that just wants peace and rest. I'm not sure the church I'm going to is for me. The gospel is excellent, but I'm missing the Pentecostal worship.
Even so, the message was clearly be still, let go, and receive...much like what I read of Murray later.
I am not going to give up, though I am sorely tempted. He never gave up on me. It would be unthinkable, wrong to give up on Him. Now is the time for standing on the promise, and to weather the storm.
...and yet He still loved Peter. The Peter at the gate became a different Peter at Pentecost when he gave it all over and received an infilling of the Holy Spirit.
When we finally realise we haven't given it all, that we are still fighting with our flesh not His Spirit, only then, I think, can the true healing begin.
I've had an extremely difficult week. I did have an enjoyable bit of fellowship Saturday evening - but over the phone. They said to me they always prefer phone calls, so that's something I've now firmly noted. The Saturday outreach was difficult, but well received. I know that I didn't put a lot of effort into it, and you only get out what you put in. Even the secular world recognises that. Or at least, the sensible and unselfish ones do.
Yes - I went to church yesterday, and I was weeping all the way through. I am having a tough time, yet I haven't really admitted it to anyone. With all the various aches and pains I've suffered over the years, from mild to utterly excrutiating, nothing compares to a hurting heart that just wants peace and rest. I'm not sure the church I'm going to is for me. The gospel is excellent, but I'm missing the Pentecostal worship.
Even so, the message was clearly be still, let go, and receive...much like what I read of Murray later.
I am not going to give up, though I am sorely tempted. He never gave up on me. It would be unthinkable, wrong to give up on Him. Now is the time for standing on the promise, and to weather the storm.
Thursday, 1 November 2012
I was doing so well...
The health issue I mentioned seems to be easing off somewhat, which is great as I need to be moderately fit for the next couple of weeks - one outreach session as WL but it's mostly work, another love in my life which is likely to take more of a centre stage as I rest the fingers and strings for a while.
Or maybe that's not what God wants. Hoopomonay is a difficult thing to master.
I was feeling healthy enough in body and mind to go shopping today, the cupboard really was nearly bare, and carrying 4 rather heavy shopping bags on my own got me feeling rather unwell again.
Nothing that a cup of tea can't fix, methinks. Yes, a cup of tea and go through my emails.
.....blessings and words from the members of my previous church, and now I'm having trouble keeping the sobs at bay. I didn't properly process them the first time round, now my head has stopped spinning with the speed of it all, reality has kicked in, or at least my humanity has. Yes, I can be human sometimes, rather than a robot that just copes.
It's OK to cry though, I'm sure He understands.
Or maybe that's not what God wants. Hoopomonay is a difficult thing to master.
I was feeling healthy enough in body and mind to go shopping today, the cupboard really was nearly bare, and carrying 4 rather heavy shopping bags on my own got me feeling rather unwell again.
Nothing that a cup of tea can't fix, methinks. Yes, a cup of tea and go through my emails.
.....blessings and words from the members of my previous church, and now I'm having trouble keeping the sobs at bay. I didn't properly process them the first time round, now my head has stopped spinning with the speed of it all, reality has kicked in, or at least my humanity has. Yes, I can be human sometimes, rather than a robot that just copes.
It's OK to cry though, I'm sure He understands.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Location, location, location
I, like many people, like "searching for property" programs on the TV and I also like Grand Designs.
I think it's something to do with our inerrant nosiness. It isn't so much the finding, its the having a good look about somebody else's patch to get new ideas, or, the worse side of our human nature, to be critical. And there is something about L3 and Grand Designs that turns it into some sort of soap opera, as they seem to pick the most awkward and/or objectionable people in society.
I have never been in the situation where I have the luxury of choice of where to move into. It's always been - location ok for work, tick, price is right, tick, ok when do we move? Forget decor or whether I like the area, at every move there has been a sense of urgency.
Not this time. I have the luxury of choice, although I now think God wants me to settle quickly. And I think I know which church.
3 churches in 3 weeks - although to be fair, I will never attend the first two regularly due to distance. Number 3, went on recommendation and I already know the pastor as he was the other half of my baptism last year.
I was sitting quietly in the service, so far, so good, maybe less charismatic than I was hoping. Unlikely to be any place for me in the music group, long term maybe very occasionally. Am I in this for the long term? Surely it is far too early...
You have something to offer here. You can be part of the change that I am planning.
Was it God's voice? It sure sounded like it.
I spoke to the pastor afterwards, laid all my cards down and was honest. I've parted company with my previous church, with the senior pastor's blessing. I am looking for a new church. He replied that he had been praying specifically for gifted people to come to his church....
...could it be?
I think I will give this place a couple of months, I don't want to be too hopeful too soon. Yes I am cautious. I am also still hurting a little. It will all take time. Awkward, not sure what I want, not forthright, uncertain, little confidence. And no equivalent of Phil or Kirsty to help me.
But I do have God.
I think it's something to do with our inerrant nosiness. It isn't so much the finding, its the having a good look about somebody else's patch to get new ideas, or, the worse side of our human nature, to be critical. And there is something about L3 and Grand Designs that turns it into some sort of soap opera, as they seem to pick the most awkward and/or objectionable people in society.
I have never been in the situation where I have the luxury of choice of where to move into. It's always been - location ok for work, tick, price is right, tick, ok when do we move? Forget decor or whether I like the area, at every move there has been a sense of urgency.
Not this time. I have the luxury of choice, although I now think God wants me to settle quickly. And I think I know which church.
3 churches in 3 weeks - although to be fair, I will never attend the first two regularly due to distance. Number 3, went on recommendation and I already know the pastor as he was the other half of my baptism last year.
I was sitting quietly in the service, so far, so good, maybe less charismatic than I was hoping. Unlikely to be any place for me in the music group, long term maybe very occasionally. Am I in this for the long term? Surely it is far too early...
You have something to offer here. You can be part of the change that I am planning.
Was it God's voice? It sure sounded like it.
I spoke to the pastor afterwards, laid all my cards down and was honest. I've parted company with my previous church, with the senior pastor's blessing. I am looking for a new church. He replied that he had been praying specifically for gifted people to come to his church....
...could it be?
I think I will give this place a couple of months, I don't want to be too hopeful too soon. Yes I am cautious. I am also still hurting a little. It will all take time. Awkward, not sure what I want, not forthright, uncertain, little confidence. And no equivalent of Phil or Kirsty to help me.
But I do have God.
Friday, 26 October 2012
With a prayer
Better than I ever dared hope. Praise God.
I have been released, with the blessings of the senior Pastor.
And...that's it. I am now without a church. Of course I am still part of the church body, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I am still on a journey with one destination, but...
...this could be scary. I'm travelling free. But at the tiller is Christ.
I have one more conversation to have, with a person unconnected with the church, but I just want to let this sink in for a while.
What have I done?
Cornered into a position (as usual) where I have to trust God to take charge.
This could get very very interesting.
I have been released, with the blessings of the senior Pastor.
And...that's it. I am now without a church. Of course I am still part of the church body, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I am still on a journey with one destination, but...
...this could be scary. I'm travelling free. But at the tiller is Christ.
I have one more conversation to have, with a person unconnected with the church, but I just want to let this sink in for a while.
What have I done?
Cornered into a position (as usual) where I have to trust God to take charge.
This could get very very interesting.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Liberty she pirouette
I knew it would be painful.
I never thought what I suspected would be the truth. And they also blew me sideways with a confirmation, actually, several confirmations
It's difficult to describe what emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I'm distracting myself with various tasks on the laptop, well, games if I'm honest, though I will move on to a project that I've undertaken which has become less urgent, yet waves of....
...anger...sadness...regret...excitement...anticipation...compassion...
...pass over me with such intensity it is difficult to function, to decide whether I'm happy or sad.
I am certainly unhappy it's come to this. I am even more unhappy that a close friendship I have formed in the last year will become more distant. Oh, sure, the words "stay in touch" are too easy to say, and then life gets in the way of good intentions.
The decision was made easier for me. This is pretty much God's confirmation to tell me to take that first step of faith. With everything else going on. I can...and will...forgive some of the key people who have brought it to this. I suspect in a few months time I will see God's purpose in all this, where He rewards faithfulness with greater prizes, or even experiences which I can only dream of.
The upshot is - last Sunday week was the last time I led worship for the church. I will also be leaving the church. It may be a while before I lead worship on a Sunday again.
There are those that tell me that a calling is a calling - that if God has truly given you a ministry, He will show you the place where you are called. I have to hold fast to the promises He has made to me already, and the ones that will come.
I never thought what I suspected would be the truth. And they also blew me sideways with a confirmation, actually, several confirmations
It's difficult to describe what emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I'm distracting myself with various tasks on the laptop, well, games if I'm honest, though I will move on to a project that I've undertaken which has become less urgent, yet waves of....
...anger...sadness...regret...excitement...anticipation...compassion...
...pass over me with such intensity it is difficult to function, to decide whether I'm happy or sad.
I am certainly unhappy it's come to this. I am even more unhappy that a close friendship I have formed in the last year will become more distant. Oh, sure, the words "stay in touch" are too easy to say, and then life gets in the way of good intentions.
The decision was made easier for me. This is pretty much God's confirmation to tell me to take that first step of faith. With everything else going on. I can...and will...forgive some of the key people who have brought it to this. I suspect in a few months time I will see God's purpose in all this, where He rewards faithfulness with greater prizes, or even experiences which I can only dream of.
The upshot is - last Sunday week was the last time I led worship for the church. I will also be leaving the church. It may be a while before I lead worship on a Sunday again.
There are those that tell me that a calling is a calling - that if God has truly given you a ministry, He will show you the place where you are called. I have to hold fast to the promises He has made to me already, and the ones that will come.
Wednesday, 10 October 2012
Friends
Must. Be. Patient. Timing is everything, and I am so guilty of jumping in when the timing is all wrong.
Nearly there with one of the meetings though. Intriguing that not only do I want to see them, they want to see me.
I don't know if this is some insight they've had into the situation, or maybe there is something very very important they have to say to me as well.
So. Even more reason to be patient. Double prayers over the weekend.
Nearly there with one of the meetings though. Intriguing that not only do I want to see them, they want to see me.
I don't know if this is some insight they've had into the situation, or maybe there is something very very important they have to say to me as well.
So. Even more reason to be patient. Double prayers over the weekend.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Transition
Worship this morning:
To God be the Glory
Dear Lord and Father of Mankind
One half of communion, then
When I Survey
The message, or most of it, then
Be Thou My Vision
The rest of the message, the other half of communion, then
Jesus, All for Jesus
An interesting mix of very old, and one somewhat more modern - that Atkinson/Mark one just seemed absolutely perfect.
I had my reservations about today. Something happened in the lead up to it which got me a bit riled; it was all sorted by Friday night, but I didn't actually know until this morning what I would be playing and how it would shape up.
I had some tears during Be Thou My Vision, I don't know if they were tears of joy, fear or even guilt. There are some changes ahead, I need to reposition.
This will be my last Sunday "worship" post for a while.
To God be the Glory
Dear Lord and Father of Mankind
One half of communion, then
When I Survey
The message, or most of it, then
Be Thou My Vision
The rest of the message, the other half of communion, then
Jesus, All for Jesus
An interesting mix of very old, and one somewhat more modern - that Atkinson/Mark one just seemed absolutely perfect.
I had my reservations about today. Something happened in the lead up to it which got me a bit riled; it was all sorted by Friday night, but I didn't actually know until this morning what I would be playing and how it would shape up.
I had some tears during Be Thou My Vision, I don't know if they were tears of joy, fear or even guilt. There are some changes ahead, I need to reposition.
This will be my last Sunday "worship" post for a while.
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