I knew it would be painful.
I never thought what I suspected would be the truth. And they also blew me sideways with a confirmation, actually, several confirmations
It's difficult to describe what emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I'm distracting myself with various tasks on the laptop, well, games if I'm honest, though I will move on to a project that I've undertaken which has become less urgent, yet waves of....
...anger...sadness...regret...excitement...anticipation...compassion...
...pass over me with such intensity it is difficult to function, to decide whether I'm happy or sad.
I am certainly unhappy it's come to this. I am even more unhappy that a close friendship I have formed in the last year will become more distant. Oh, sure, the words "stay in touch" are too easy to say, and then life gets in the way of good intentions.
The decision was made easier for me. This is pretty much God's confirmation to tell me to take that first step of faith. With everything else going on. I can...and will...forgive some of the key people who have brought it to this. I suspect in a few months time I will see God's purpose in all this, where He rewards faithfulness with greater prizes, or even experiences which I can only dream of.
The upshot is - last Sunday week was the last time I led worship for the church. I will also be leaving the church. It may be a while before I lead worship on a Sunday again.
There are those that tell me that a calling is a calling - that if God has truly given you a ministry, He will show you the place where you are called. I have to hold fast to the promises He has made to me already, and the ones that will come.
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