I've often said I don't regard these outreach WL sessions as proper work, in fact they've started to become part of the healing process. Worship was fab today, I knew it was going to be OK from the first chorus. I need to start remembering to worship myself, and trust God to be in control of the rest.
It was great to be free today, and as good as the morning was, feeling "happy exhausted" at the end of it (so a good day at the office), I came home slightly sorry that it was over....but....I then thought...
...glory be. I don't have to worry about this again for at least another week. I am free of that for a while. God, as far as I'm concerned, can take His time over paving the way for me. It isn't laziness, for I will happily take up the sword when He needs me to - no, it is finally being happy in my lot, a burden lifted, a responsibility removed for a while, I have entered a wilderness of sorts, yes, but a beautiful one, a rest. I decided to try and have meandGod time during the periods I would normally have been with the group, or on my own, practicing or chorusstorming.
Maybe He'll point the way during those times.
Although I don't want to be impatient, someone told me today to make sure I find where God wants me quickly else the blessings I can give with my anointing will be wasted. It was encouraging, and thinking of it, extremely sobering.
I am, after all, a foot soldier, and it ain't no good to be on furlough for too long.
Showing posts with label anointing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anointing. Show all posts
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Friday, 6 July 2012
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Yesterday, I had a Bad Day.
Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller. I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me. But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...
...today I was feeling better about things. There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?
I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole. I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt. I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated. (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it. It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)
Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...
...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader. Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment. In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor... I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area? Or am I just doing myself down again? But duty kicked in. I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength. God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down. My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.
I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for. It isn't all the little things bringing me down. It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor. Am I angry with God? Or confused that such things can happen to such good people? That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?
And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...
And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us. Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.
I must
Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion
I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply. This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)
..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio. The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders. Yes, I wept. And I remembered. Thank You God.
Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller. I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me. But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...
...today I was feeling better about things. There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?
I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole. I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt. I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated. (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it. It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)
Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...
...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader. Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment. In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor... I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area? Or am I just doing myself down again? But duty kicked in. I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength. God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down. My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.
I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for. It isn't all the little things bringing me down. It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor. Am I angry with God? Or confused that such things can happen to such good people? That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?
And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...
And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us. Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.
I must
Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion
I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply. This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)
..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio. The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders. Yes, I wept. And I remembered. Thank You God.
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Little by little
About to go on a trip for work purposes. I am looking forward to it, but I guess I'm suffering from a little melancholia because tonight is normally practice night, and I'm not there.
I did pick up my guitar today, and at one point I was entering a new form of worship - well, new to me. I was thinking about what was said to me a few Sundays ago, a suggestion made which I put into action, but I drifted into it so naturally.
I got so excited about it, thinking about the situations that I could use it in, I forgot that my practice sessions should also be worship - and maybe I missed out on a blessing. Still, I played some old favourites, was touched by one or two and felt...happy.
When I enjoy my practice so much, and think of times when leading worship has been like running through treacle, it makes thoughts of going back difficult. But I realise that playing purely for myself is probably selfish. I really do want a clear answer, but it is going to take some dilligent searching.
I did pick up my guitar today, and at one point I was entering a new form of worship - well, new to me. I was thinking about what was said to me a few Sundays ago, a suggestion made which I put into action, but I drifted into it so naturally.
I got so excited about it, thinking about the situations that I could use it in, I forgot that my practice sessions should also be worship - and maybe I missed out on a blessing. Still, I played some old favourites, was touched by one or two and felt...happy.
When I enjoy my practice so much, and think of times when leading worship has been like running through treacle, it makes thoughts of going back difficult. But I realise that playing purely for myself is probably selfish. I really do want a clear answer, but it is going to take some dilligent searching.
Sunday, 24 June 2012
Coming together...coming apart
On Friday night, I gave a message on the assurance of faith. There was quite an internal fight going on, as right up to the point of me giving the message, I wasn't going to go through with it. Let's just have some fellowship, I thought. No, said God, you are going to give the message. I did, and it went well. This morning, I understood why this was required of me, as faith and trust was central to the worship, what was on the leader's heart, and the message; God set the stage for the entire weekend on Friday night.
Lord, I Come Before Your Throne
When We Walk with the Lord (Trust and Obey)
I Will Offer up my Life (Thankful Heart)
Jesus, Be the Centre
Holy Spirit, How I Love You
Even seeing them together now, I recognise what a powerful set it is; an incredible mix of old and modern. I was blessed by the entire service. We over-ran. We didn't care, God met with us this morning.
I got prayer afterwards from my closest friend in the church - I'm sure that God was fine with me asking for this, and in fact, I feel much much better than I have done in previous days, focussed enough to make some plans on what I am going to do for the next 3 weeks...
...yes, it will be 3 weeks before I lead worship again. I believe I need that length of time. I have officially told them only 2, but if I get no signals from God otherwise, it will be 3.
It won't be a music "fast" like last time. It will be rest, prayer, some worship, some chorus-storming, some searching, some listening, but I want my quiet times to be All God. 100% proof if possible.
I may not get it right. But I'm a little bit broken and I want to be closer to being mended, rather than having cogs and springs popping out of me every so often. The cogs and springs, by the way, are the little irritations that I am allowing to "bug" me, and I need to learn how to be constructive with them.
I may end up just posting on Tuesdays for the next 3 weeks. I hope this doesn't happen, as I wouldn't mind having, at the very least, a vague diary of just what happens next...
What next, God?
Lord, I Come Before Your Throne
When We Walk with the Lord (Trust and Obey)
I Will Offer up my Life (Thankful Heart)
Jesus, Be the Centre
Holy Spirit, How I Love You
Even seeing them together now, I recognise what a powerful set it is; an incredible mix of old and modern. I was blessed by the entire service. We over-ran. We didn't care, God met with us this morning.
I got prayer afterwards from my closest friend in the church - I'm sure that God was fine with me asking for this, and in fact, I feel much much better than I have done in previous days, focussed enough to make some plans on what I am going to do for the next 3 weeks...
...yes, it will be 3 weeks before I lead worship again. I believe I need that length of time. I have officially told them only 2, but if I get no signals from God otherwise, it will be 3.
It won't be a music "fast" like last time. It will be rest, prayer, some worship, some chorus-storming, some searching, some listening, but I want my quiet times to be All God. 100% proof if possible.
I may not get it right. But I'm a little bit broken and I want to be closer to being mended, rather than having cogs and springs popping out of me every so often. The cogs and springs, by the way, are the little irritations that I am allowing to "bug" me, and I need to learn how to be constructive with them.
I may end up just posting on Tuesdays for the next 3 weeks. I hope this doesn't happen, as I wouldn't mind having, at the very least, a vague diary of just what happens next...
What next, God?
Monday, 21 May 2012
Position of Responsiblity
I'm still somewhat basking in yesterday, my spirit is just so happy, which manifests itself in a big smile on my face. The weather, cheering at last, helps.
I could have mentioned this yesterday, but there was a lot to ponder on. Bossman got an awesome word from someone last week. He had heard, or been in a place where someone got cured of cancer after having hands laid on them. Yes, miracle, yes, awesome, but this isn't an "ordinary" healing (if there is such a thing)
The elders who prayed for the person were Freemasons.
Why? He asked, why when they are on the wrong path, they pray for people and they get healed? The answer came out of James (calling on the Elders for healing etc) - their office gives them the responsiblity and authority to do what they do and miracles happen.
This is incredible if you think about it, and has actually made me feel (a little) less guilty about not getting "right into" worship, or feeling that I am not getting out of it what I would do if I was a member of the cong. The office given me gives me the responsibility and the authority to do what I do - lead people into the throne room of God, regardless of where I might be in Christ. It reminded me again of when I was prayed for last year (on the same day I asked about water baptism and started that chain of events off), the prayer was specific - to be given authority. Amazing how it is now showing itself.
I want to be a lot more than that though. I want to be a worshipper as well as leading worship.
Now - exactly how can I do this without ending up on the floor....? Hmmm...
I could have mentioned this yesterday, but there was a lot to ponder on. Bossman got an awesome word from someone last week. He had heard, or been in a place where someone got cured of cancer after having hands laid on them. Yes, miracle, yes, awesome, but this isn't an "ordinary" healing (if there is such a thing)
The elders who prayed for the person were Freemasons.
Why? He asked, why when they are on the wrong path, they pray for people and they get healed? The answer came out of James (calling on the Elders for healing etc) - their office gives them the responsiblity and authority to do what they do and miracles happen.
This is incredible if you think about it, and has actually made me feel (a little) less guilty about not getting "right into" worship, or feeling that I am not getting out of it what I would do if I was a member of the cong. The office given me gives me the responsibility and the authority to do what I do - lead people into the throne room of God, regardless of where I might be in Christ. It reminded me again of when I was prayed for last year (on the same day I asked about water baptism and started that chain of events off), the prayer was specific - to be given authority. Amazing how it is now showing itself.
I want to be a lot more than that though. I want to be a worshipper as well as leading worship.
Now - exactly how can I do this without ending up on the floor....? Hmmm...
Sunday, 6 May 2012
Miracle Maker
Worship this morning:
Praise is Rising
Men of Faith
No, Not by Might
My Jesus, My Saviour
My Lord, What Love is this (Amazing Love)
The pivot, that "special" one, was the last one, but today was very much about crying out to God for healing, personal and national. At the end, I had a feeling that He wanted me to do another, but I got no message as to what, so I sat down.
The church, or at least some members, are suffering at the moment, a couple of them have pretty serious medical conditions, and then we had some devastating news from my predecessor and her husband.
You know what to play, He seemed to be telling me. Your feelings about wanting to play another were correct. I had the briefest of moments to explore my motivations about playing something that wasn't on the words file, that it would end up a performance. But I had been waiting for the right moment to play it, I was expecting that it would come out during a time of ministry perhaps, or some special moment.
Well, right then was that special moment. I paused, just in case. No movement from anyone else. I gained permission from the leader to sing, and walked up to the mic, picked up to my guitar, said a few words, and sang Miracle Maker by Delirious? I didn't think I would make it through, but I did detach without becoming too distant from it...
...it has been recorded, and I listened later, this time I had the freedom to cry a little whilst listening. My singing tutor would have liked what she heard, I did OK.
And I got some advice today which I will make sure I follow: leave the hall to pray as a group, and come back in, bringing the presence of God with you, rather than praying in the hall with all the distractions. He was completely correct, we had not been taking that aspect of our routine seriously enough.
A good day at the office. Waiting in His presence. Sitting at the feet of the miracle maker. Please God, send healing, send revival to health, hearts and minds everywhere.
Praise is Rising
Men of Faith
No, Not by Might
My Jesus, My Saviour
My Lord, What Love is this (Amazing Love)
The pivot, that "special" one, was the last one, but today was very much about crying out to God for healing, personal and national. At the end, I had a feeling that He wanted me to do another, but I got no message as to what, so I sat down.
The church, or at least some members, are suffering at the moment, a couple of them have pretty serious medical conditions, and then we had some devastating news from my predecessor and her husband.
You know what to play, He seemed to be telling me. Your feelings about wanting to play another were correct. I had the briefest of moments to explore my motivations about playing something that wasn't on the words file, that it would end up a performance. But I had been waiting for the right moment to play it, I was expecting that it would come out during a time of ministry perhaps, or some special moment.
Well, right then was that special moment. I paused, just in case. No movement from anyone else. I gained permission from the leader to sing, and walked up to the mic, picked up to my guitar, said a few words, and sang Miracle Maker by Delirious? I didn't think I would make it through, but I did detach without becoming too distant from it...
...it has been recorded, and I listened later, this time I had the freedom to cry a little whilst listening. My singing tutor would have liked what she heard, I did OK.
And I got some advice today which I will make sure I follow: leave the hall to pray as a group, and come back in, bringing the presence of God with you, rather than praying in the hall with all the distractions. He was completely correct, we had not been taking that aspect of our routine seriously enough.
A good day at the office. Waiting in His presence. Sitting at the feet of the miracle maker. Please God, send healing, send revival to health, hearts and minds everywhere.
Thursday, 3 May 2012
Power and Authority
Had a bizarre day yesterday - everything I touched fell to pieces, but somehow I could only laugh at the various scrapes I got myself into.
I realise now that He has me strong enough to face minor difficulties, and all the tribulations of the last few months have just strengthened my armour.
And practice tonight was more than just practice, it was worship. We practice in a place that is also a voting station (separate room of course), fairly close to the front door, so we were giving it large to those coming in and going out...
The worship this week is very much Power Praise, I wasn't really thinking of it being polling day when I was choosing them, more that one had been put on my heart (see earlier post) and trying to fit others around it.
Where the worship recently has been all about God the Creator, the theme has shifted to Power and Authority - recognising His, obviously, but maybe also the Power of His Promise..
...hmm must look it up. Pray about it. Perhaps I can share it. After reading a post in another blog which discussed whether WL's should say anything during worship or not, I was gratified to find out that they should mostly stick to their anointing and leave to God the rest, however, I strongly believe a service is for everyone, and if I, even the WL, has something to share, I should share it.
I may be undertaking a new task within the church group too. God's getting me linked in good, discarding the last vestiges of doubt.
Also, today I relieved myself of an old skeleton, or at least took steps to dismantle it. I agree with something Bossman said recently: we should be squeaky clean, anything that is in our power to sort out, we should try, asking God to hold our hand through it. I did, the rest is up to God. I will bear any consequence from this, but, somehow, as a King's Kid, I believe it will turn out for good. I certainly feel better for it already.
I realise now that He has me strong enough to face minor difficulties, and all the tribulations of the last few months have just strengthened my armour.
And practice tonight was more than just practice, it was worship. We practice in a place that is also a voting station (separate room of course), fairly close to the front door, so we were giving it large to those coming in and going out...
The worship this week is very much Power Praise, I wasn't really thinking of it being polling day when I was choosing them, more that one had been put on my heart (see earlier post) and trying to fit others around it.
Where the worship recently has been all about God the Creator, the theme has shifted to Power and Authority - recognising His, obviously, but maybe also the Power of His Promise..
...hmm must look it up. Pray about it. Perhaps I can share it. After reading a post in another blog which discussed whether WL's should say anything during worship or not, I was gratified to find out that they should mostly stick to their anointing and leave to God the rest, however, I strongly believe a service is for everyone, and if I, even the WL, has something to share, I should share it.
I may be undertaking a new task within the church group too. God's getting me linked in good, discarding the last vestiges of doubt.
Also, today I relieved myself of an old skeleton, or at least took steps to dismantle it. I agree with something Bossman said recently: we should be squeaky clean, anything that is in our power to sort out, we should try, asking God to hold our hand through it. I did, the rest is up to God. I will bear any consequence from this, but, somehow, as a King's Kid, I believe it will turn out for good. I certainly feel better for it already.
Sunday, 29 April 2012
Why does God do this?
Why, when you're feeling your most unworthy, sinful, broken-hearted, useless (I'm sure a few out there could add more and then some)...
...does He start to pour out encouragement after encouragement and blessing after blessing?
In some ways, it makes me feel worse.
My feelings about this morning were largely unfounded. It was good actually, a peaceful service and different (thought I wouldn't want it every week)
The moment I walked in, I had someone encouraging me. Then I heard something that was a further, direct encouragement, shared with the congregation...
...then I got another after the service...
...then more when sitting in the canteen...
...uhhh...Boss, please I don't know how much of this I can take. I lost count of the fruit that was popping up after seeds thrown, some of it in a hissy fit.
Another special night coming up soon, I knew there had to be a reason for some of the revival and praise choruses I've been preparing lately.
God's got me too ashamed to be ashamed. If you get my drift. And if you do, explain it to me, I'm going to bed before I get a headache...
...does He start to pour out encouragement after encouragement and blessing after blessing?
In some ways, it makes me feel worse.
My feelings about this morning were largely unfounded. It was good actually, a peaceful service and different (thought I wouldn't want it every week)
The moment I walked in, I had someone encouraging me. Then I heard something that was a further, direct encouragement, shared with the congregation...
...then I got another after the service...
...then more when sitting in the canteen...
...uhhh...Boss, please I don't know how much of this I can take. I lost count of the fruit that was popping up after seeds thrown, some of it in a hissy fit.
Another special night coming up soon, I knew there had to be a reason for some of the revival and praise choruses I've been preparing lately.
God's got me too ashamed to be ashamed. If you get my drift. And if you do, explain it to me, I'm going to bed before I get a headache...
Sunday, 15 April 2012
Lead us in unity
Today, I went with the right attitude, a renewed spirit and a sense of expectation. I was not disappointed.
The leader said that God was going to meet with every one of us today. He did.
It was the most wonderful Sunday service I have ever been to, and I felt privileged to play a part in it.
Worship:
These are the days of Elijah
Seek ye First
The Lord's My Shepherd (Townend version)
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I Worship You, Almighty God
The leader covered practically all of the doctrine we were going to sing about, before worship, and he had no idea what the choruses were going to be. I was also asked to play The Lord's My Shepherd again, before the message. Unheard of. But the speaker said it fit the message perfectly, which it did.
The leader then wanted some music after the message. (Again, extremely rare in our church). God had already inserted one into my heart before the end of the message:
My Hope is Built (Christ the Solid Rock)
Someone said to me shortly afterwards that the cong were in spiritual unity this morning, it felt absolutely incredible. MORE! I want more of this. I want to be part of this. There's exciting things about to happen as this church moves on to another stage in its life. It is just so so awesome.
I'm not doing justice to today, I am such a poor writer. I wish I could reveal how my spirit feels today in a painting or song that would express a thousand, ten thousand words...
The leader said that God was going to meet with every one of us today. He did.
It was the most wonderful Sunday service I have ever been to, and I felt privileged to play a part in it.
Worship:
These are the days of Elijah
Seek ye First
The Lord's My Shepherd (Townend version)
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I Worship You, Almighty God
The leader covered practically all of the doctrine we were going to sing about, before worship, and he had no idea what the choruses were going to be. I was also asked to play The Lord's My Shepherd again, before the message. Unheard of. But the speaker said it fit the message perfectly, which it did.
The leader then wanted some music after the message. (Again, extremely rare in our church). God had already inserted one into my heart before the end of the message:
My Hope is Built (Christ the Solid Rock)
Someone said to me shortly afterwards that the cong were in spiritual unity this morning, it felt absolutely incredible. MORE! I want more of this. I want to be part of this. There's exciting things about to happen as this church moves on to another stage in its life. It is just so so awesome.
I'm not doing justice to today, I am such a poor writer. I wish I could reveal how my spirit feels today in a painting or song that would express a thousand, ten thousand words...
Friday, 13 April 2012
Housekeeping
This week, I think I have worked more WL hours than actual employed working hours (i.e. my day job)
Not at the same time though.
I'm learning new stuff, even making my own arrangements, God has tapped a part of me that I didn't know existed, a miniscule amount of creativity. Gasp.
I've been taking advantage of the renewed motivation by comparing what I know against what the cong potentially know, and vice versa, what I need to do with Musescore, Chord Sheets, Powerpoint etc. It's an outline only, the more technical stuff will come after I've finished organising, I could be a while.
Keeps the brain occupied but, much like cleaning your house from top to bottom, not especially interesting, except when you find a chorus with interesting or motivating words and you wonder whether it may be needed soon....
...there's interesting stuff going on in the Kingdom at the moment, particularly in the area of the world I live in. Slowly, I'm watching things click into place like the solving of a jigsaw puzzle and it's strangely mesmerising. I was somewhat disappointed to learn last night that a regular "awayday" from our church (run by a speaker described as an "apostle" by Bossman) is not going to be held at the normal location, a location that has an incredible annointing. It's a shame, that, when stuff is occurring that the building isn't going to play a part...
But then I had to smile as it sunk in today - the location it will be held is almost like taking over another turf. A new place to wave a flag. A new experience. No-one has exclusivity to it, it can be overcome for 5-6 hours, and a few hours after we finish another group will come in to where we once were...
...perhaps I should stick around, it could be interesting. Anyway, it will be a few months away, and I'm spouting what must sound like gibberish to most. I prefer to be abstract.
Bizarre things going on in my blog stats as well. Any normal bloggers reading experiencing this, rather than the ubiquitous web bots, which I know, like termites, are just itching to nibble at traffic (or lack of, in my case)?
Not at the same time though.
I'm learning new stuff, even making my own arrangements, God has tapped a part of me that I didn't know existed, a miniscule amount of creativity. Gasp.
I've been taking advantage of the renewed motivation by comparing what I know against what the cong potentially know, and vice versa, what I need to do with Musescore, Chord Sheets, Powerpoint etc. It's an outline only, the more technical stuff will come after I've finished organising, I could be a while.
Keeps the brain occupied but, much like cleaning your house from top to bottom, not especially interesting, except when you find a chorus with interesting or motivating words and you wonder whether it may be needed soon....
...there's interesting stuff going on in the Kingdom at the moment, particularly in the area of the world I live in. Slowly, I'm watching things click into place like the solving of a jigsaw puzzle and it's strangely mesmerising. I was somewhat disappointed to learn last night that a regular "awayday" from our church (run by a speaker described as an "apostle" by Bossman) is not going to be held at the normal location, a location that has an incredible annointing. It's a shame, that, when stuff is occurring that the building isn't going to play a part...
But then I had to smile as it sunk in today - the location it will be held is almost like taking over another turf. A new place to wave a flag. A new experience. No-one has exclusivity to it, it can be overcome for 5-6 hours, and a few hours after we finish another group will come in to where we once were...
...perhaps I should stick around, it could be interesting. Anyway, it will be a few months away, and I'm spouting what must sound like gibberish to most. I prefer to be abstract.
Bizarre things going on in my blog stats as well. Any normal bloggers reading experiencing this, rather than the ubiquitous web bots, which I know, like termites, are just itching to nibble at traffic (or lack of, in my case)?
Sunday, 8 April 2012
Take me, mould me, use me, fill me
Worship this morning:
Christ the Lord is Risen Today
There is a Redeemer
All Heaven Declares
Abba Father
Some very old ones there, and during prayer my insides started to shake as I felt an uncontrollable urge to play another very old one:
Peace Like a River
Sorry group. I caught them on the hop, but Praise God for the PowerPoint file.
An excellent Easter message today, anointed and full of expectation...
But the above is only half the story of the weekend. Today, our triumphant Holy Day, the Day of the Resurrection of our King, my Lord Jesus has also resurrected my heart.
I have been troubled all week, an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and resentment over a number of things that have occurred within my life and the church. Despite the miracle of last week I was just getting lower and lower....
Friday I was leading worship. I was completely...competent. My heart just wasn't in it. I played. I sat down. I was thanked for it. They were the right choruses, but I was still in a troubled state...
...then towards the end of the meeting (fortunately, after Communion, else I could have been in real trouble) I learned something that got me very very angry with a senior member of the church. I fought with it, not really being very successful with hiding my resentment, and just barely keeping my mouth shut, else I would have exploded. I wrestled with it further during the evening and night.
Overnight, I made a decsion: Easter was to be my last session as WL. I had had enough. My attitude alone was wrong, along with my resentments, what place did they have in kingdom ministry? I knew that I was teetering on the wilderness. It was, as far as I was concerned, 5 seconds to midnight. Only an intervening miracle could save me....
Mark 11. Verses 23-26. Herein my miracle and also the solution. Go have it out with the person I have ought, and go tell that Goliath mountain called Resentment to shift.
I did so, and over the course of that afternoon, and evening (there was a Holy Spirit/Revival meeting in another church - I wasn't going to go, but was glad I did. Maybe more on that another time, but from another angle) I laid WL on the altar. Jesus told me to take it back, for His Blood is sufficient. I forgave the person. I told them so. We hugged, reconciled.
I woke up with a resurrected heart. I have never felt so good, so motivated, so alive. I repented of my attitude, and that I even considered giving in. Never again will I doubt His Will in my life.
Maybe it is just another round in boxing bout. But Christ has won this victory.
He is risen! Hallelujah!
Christ the Lord is Risen Today
There is a Redeemer
All Heaven Declares
Abba Father
Some very old ones there, and during prayer my insides started to shake as I felt an uncontrollable urge to play another very old one:
Peace Like a River
Sorry group. I caught them on the hop, but Praise God for the PowerPoint file.
An excellent Easter message today, anointed and full of expectation...
But the above is only half the story of the weekend. Today, our triumphant Holy Day, the Day of the Resurrection of our King, my Lord Jesus has also resurrected my heart.
I have been troubled all week, an overwhelming sense of worthlessness and resentment over a number of things that have occurred within my life and the church. Despite the miracle of last week I was just getting lower and lower....
Friday I was leading worship. I was completely...competent. My heart just wasn't in it. I played. I sat down. I was thanked for it. They were the right choruses, but I was still in a troubled state...
...then towards the end of the meeting (fortunately, after Communion, else I could have been in real trouble) I learned something that got me very very angry with a senior member of the church. I fought with it, not really being very successful with hiding my resentment, and just barely keeping my mouth shut, else I would have exploded. I wrestled with it further during the evening and night.
Overnight, I made a decsion: Easter was to be my last session as WL. I had had enough. My attitude alone was wrong, along with my resentments, what place did they have in kingdom ministry? I knew that I was teetering on the wilderness. It was, as far as I was concerned, 5 seconds to midnight. Only an intervening miracle could save me....
Mark 11. Verses 23-26. Herein my miracle and also the solution. Go have it out with the person I have ought, and go tell that Goliath mountain called Resentment to shift.
I did so, and over the course of that afternoon, and evening (there was a Holy Spirit/Revival meeting in another church - I wasn't going to go, but was glad I did. Maybe more on that another time, but from another angle) I laid WL on the altar. Jesus told me to take it back, for His Blood is sufficient. I forgave the person. I told them so. We hugged, reconciled.
I woke up with a resurrected heart. I have never felt so good, so motivated, so alive. I repented of my attitude, and that I even considered giving in. Never again will I doubt His Will in my life.
Maybe it is just another round in boxing bout. But Christ has won this victory.
He is risen! Hallelujah!
Sunday, 15 January 2012
Turned a corner
I can hardly believe its been a week since I last posted. Someone once said a week is a long time in politics, it is actually a long time in normal life, you, and God, can do quite a lot.
I'll get business out of the way first. Worship this morning:
Holy, Holy, God Almighty
Jesus! the name high over all
Light of the World
This is my Desire
I Worship You, Almighty God
It was pure, it was ordered, it felt...natural, it felt the way that every Sunday should feel, and isn't that just perfect? We sung and prayed in tongues for the longest time we have ever done, and lots of people felt encouraged to come up to the front or speak about the visions or testimonies they had.
Some of it was born out of yesterday. Yesterday. The day I turned a corner. The day that, I believe, I went to the next level of worship leading.
The message, from the away day our church had yesterday, was received in different ways by our members, and others - a mixed reception in lots of ways. But the worship. Oh, the worship.
I was on my own, mainly because there wasn't a lot of room where we were. Also, I was asked to keep the worship short. The Spirit, whatever He picked, would have to pack some punch into one or two hymns.
O Lord Our God (We will Magnify)
Take us to the River
Words can't describe it. The Spirit fell, and early. My voice, and my playing, sounded perfect. He guided my thoughts and my fingers. It felt amazing, and even that makes it sound trivial. The words have not been invented to describe it.
A little later, during lunch, I sensed that I would only be playing one for the afternoon session (I was correct). I went through a couple in my head, and wandered back into the room, there was one on my heart in particular, looked at a couple of the others, and it then came to the crunch - it needed announcing, and within 10 seconds, so PA man could get it up on screen, via the PP.
"Oh Lord my God, how great Thou art" I said quietly. I played it in the way that I have received encouraging feedback for - a faster pace than normal, with extra syncopation.
I'm almost in tears, right now, remembering, the reception was In. Cred. I. Ble. The Spirit had picked right.
Thank you God, I feel privileged, really. How could you turn what I was into what I am now? You're turning a dirty cup into a golden chalice. I. Am. Not. Worthy.
I did play a little more, at the end. I felt absolutely exhausted as we trooped out the door. But I know I did a good day's work, and God is pleased with me.
I got more focus. I am starting to get vision, purpose, drive. I am becoming more eager, gaining confidence. I really feel I can play with the big boys now.
..and yet, I know that God hasn't finished. Lord God, what next? An unimaginable adventure.
I'll get business out of the way first. Worship this morning:
Holy, Holy, God Almighty
Jesus! the name high over all
Light of the World
This is my Desire
I Worship You, Almighty God
It was pure, it was ordered, it felt...natural, it felt the way that every Sunday should feel, and isn't that just perfect? We sung and prayed in tongues for the longest time we have ever done, and lots of people felt encouraged to come up to the front or speak about the visions or testimonies they had.
Some of it was born out of yesterday. Yesterday. The day I turned a corner. The day that, I believe, I went to the next level of worship leading.
The message, from the away day our church had yesterday, was received in different ways by our members, and others - a mixed reception in lots of ways. But the worship. Oh, the worship.
I was on my own, mainly because there wasn't a lot of room where we were. Also, I was asked to keep the worship short. The Spirit, whatever He picked, would have to pack some punch into one or two hymns.
O Lord Our God (We will Magnify)
Take us to the River
Words can't describe it. The Spirit fell, and early. My voice, and my playing, sounded perfect. He guided my thoughts and my fingers. It felt amazing, and even that makes it sound trivial. The words have not been invented to describe it.
A little later, during lunch, I sensed that I would only be playing one for the afternoon session (I was correct). I went through a couple in my head, and wandered back into the room, there was one on my heart in particular, looked at a couple of the others, and it then came to the crunch - it needed announcing, and within 10 seconds, so PA man could get it up on screen, via the PP.
"Oh Lord my God, how great Thou art" I said quietly. I played it in the way that I have received encouraging feedback for - a faster pace than normal, with extra syncopation.
I'm almost in tears, right now, remembering, the reception was In. Cred. I. Ble. The Spirit had picked right.
Thank you God, I feel privileged, really. How could you turn what I was into what I am now? You're turning a dirty cup into a golden chalice. I. Am. Not. Worthy.
I did play a little more, at the end. I felt absolutely exhausted as we trooped out the door. But I know I did a good day's work, and God is pleased with me.
I got more focus. I am starting to get vision, purpose, drive. I am becoming more eager, gaining confidence. I really feel I can play with the big boys now.
..and yet, I know that God hasn't finished. Lord God, what next? An unimaginable adventure.
Sunday, 8 January 2012
The battle belongs to the Lord
Worship this morning:
These are the Days of Elijah
Praise is Rising
How Deep the Father's Love for us
Into Your Hand
We Bow Down
I was not expecting, and I did not try to enduce, a repeat of the Thursday night practice, but after Praise is Rising (pretty much as in practice) the Spirit fell, and there were prayers, singing in tongues and a word or two. Just incredible, awesome stuff, for a church that is so small and is frankly, quite vulnerable.
I was told afterwards how well the music fit the message, even though I honestly had no idea what the message was, or even who was speaking. In fact, it was a guy who used to live very close to where I was born. Great to hear a Sarf-West Lunnon dialect again. :-)
Lots of battles going on in the community, and there were prayers for that - it is tempting for a church to lock down completely, in fact what we should do is be on our guard but to keep our hearts open for development, strength and growth.
I have my own battle too, which at times gets almost unbearable. I am going to set some quiet time aside tonight and do some serious "knee" time. (I think maybe, literally). Broken string today, only played on 11. Sounded good still, but when I was home I nearly cried over it, I hate things like that happening when there is nothing I can do about it. Then again, it was a good job it happened whilst I was tuning up and not during main worship.
Another session other than normal Sunday requested of me today, by the boss, on an interesting date early February. I'll write why it's "interesting" closer to the time, or maybe on the day itself, it may be very fitting. Despite my own problems, God is still moving and shaking in my life and I'm still letting Him. And I'm not going to let anything or anyone stop the transformation, for it has gone too far now to ever want to return.
These are the Days of Elijah
Praise is Rising
How Deep the Father's Love for us
Into Your Hand
We Bow Down
I was not expecting, and I did not try to enduce, a repeat of the Thursday night practice, but after Praise is Rising (pretty much as in practice) the Spirit fell, and there were prayers, singing in tongues and a word or two. Just incredible, awesome stuff, for a church that is so small and is frankly, quite vulnerable.
I was told afterwards how well the music fit the message, even though I honestly had no idea what the message was, or even who was speaking. In fact, it was a guy who used to live very close to where I was born. Great to hear a Sarf-West Lunnon dialect again. :-)
Lots of battles going on in the community, and there were prayers for that - it is tempting for a church to lock down completely, in fact what we should do is be on our guard but to keep our hearts open for development, strength and growth.
I have my own battle too, which at times gets almost unbearable. I am going to set some quiet time aside tonight and do some serious "knee" time. (I think maybe, literally). Broken string today, only played on 11. Sounded good still, but when I was home I nearly cried over it, I hate things like that happening when there is nothing I can do about it. Then again, it was a good job it happened whilst I was tuning up and not during main worship.
Another session other than normal Sunday requested of me today, by the boss, on an interesting date early February. I'll write why it's "interesting" closer to the time, or maybe on the day itself, it may be very fitting. Despite my own problems, God is still moving and shaking in my life and I'm still letting Him. And I'm not going to let anything or anyone stop the transformation, for it has gone too far now to ever want to return.
Sunday, 11 December 2011
New life
Worship this morning:
Holy, Holy God Almighty
In Christ Alone
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
Here I am Waiting
Wonderful this morning, just wonderful, when I needed it, as I had a bad start to the day.
I can't express how I'm feeling at the moment, some anticipation, some nerves, some prayer, some joy, thankfulness surely that the diseases going round at the moment haven't hit me. (Well, I was prayed for last week that nothing would harm me, so there's another testimony)
I could witness here to how the Spirit moved amongst the congregation this morning, in all sorts of ways. I am thankful that my own prayers said, quietly, in my heart, were answered when I came back home. I am that type of personality, who, when they are nervous, or waiting for something, go quiet and watchful...thoughtful. So I don't have a lot more to say now. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow.
Holy, Holy God Almighty
In Christ Alone
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
Here I am Waiting
Wonderful this morning, just wonderful, when I needed it, as I had a bad start to the day.
I can't express how I'm feeling at the moment, some anticipation, some nerves, some prayer, some joy, thankfulness surely that the diseases going round at the moment haven't hit me. (Well, I was prayed for last week that nothing would harm me, so there's another testimony)
I could witness here to how the Spirit moved amongst the congregation this morning, in all sorts of ways. I am thankful that my own prayers said, quietly, in my heart, were answered when I came back home. I am that type of personality, who, when they are nervous, or waiting for something, go quiet and watchful...thoughtful. So I don't have a lot more to say now. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow.
Sunday, 25 September 2011
"Even the rocks will sing"
Worship this morning:
Come on and Celebrate
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
I will never be the same again
Take us to the river
Jesus, be the Centre
It's going to be difficult to put into words what happened this morning, and there is a lot to say. Maybe I will manage to say it in one post, maybe postpone some until tomorrow, we'll see.
The pivotal hymn was Take Us To The River, and had a very good, nay, anointed, reception for our first time. When I practiced it earlier this week I had that "tingle" which told me that the hymn was right for the week, and the choruses that were picked around it (and this took time to work out) slotted in perfectly. The pastor has requested it for next week too - which may be a problem as all 5 have already been picked. Something is telling me to still go ahead with what we have; there is no hymn next week, so I can shorten the last two choruses.
A couple of months ago, we had visitors from a satellite TV station. The worship was just my predecessor, me, and the pianist. The anointing that fell that night was incredible, so overwhelming I felt privileged to be part of it.
Which was exactly how I felt this morning as the anointing fell early on and built to a crescendo (earlier post, blessings come back at you via God when the congregation praise God during worship).
I needed it; that morning had started badly, and I couldn't help but think of my post yesterday which spoke of the eye of the hurricane. I was prayed for before the service, and the clarinetist prayed that the worship would be so good even the rocks will sing.
The sound coming from the rocks was deafening.
During the last chorus, my fingers locked up as if arthritic or tired. I could have prayed for the strength to return. Instead, I wondered if God was trying to tell me to stop playing. I stopped playing. I sang. Everyone stopped playing, apart from the flute. Just the beautiful woodwind and our voices in harmony. The Spirit flowed like a wind through the congregation. How can I describe it? Overwhelming love.
I noticed, fairly late in the week the pattern that emerged from the choruses this week, without me even realising it:
Come on and Celebrate
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
I will never be the same again
Take us to the river
Jesus, be the Centre
It's going to be difficult to put into words what happened this morning, and there is a lot to say. Maybe I will manage to say it in one post, maybe postpone some until tomorrow, we'll see.
The pivotal hymn was Take Us To The River, and had a very good, nay, anointed, reception for our first time. When I practiced it earlier this week I had that "tingle" which told me that the hymn was right for the week, and the choruses that were picked around it (and this took time to work out) slotted in perfectly. The pastor has requested it for next week too - which may be a problem as all 5 have already been picked. Something is telling me to still go ahead with what we have; there is no hymn next week, so I can shorten the last two choruses.
A couple of months ago, we had visitors from a satellite TV station. The worship was just my predecessor, me, and the pianist. The anointing that fell that night was incredible, so overwhelming I felt privileged to be part of it.
Which was exactly how I felt this morning as the anointing fell early on and built to a crescendo (earlier post, blessings come back at you via God when the congregation praise God during worship).
I needed it; that morning had started badly, and I couldn't help but think of my post yesterday which spoke of the eye of the hurricane. I was prayed for before the service, and the clarinetist prayed that the worship would be so good even the rocks will sing.
The sound coming from the rocks was deafening.
During the last chorus, my fingers locked up as if arthritic or tired. I could have prayed for the strength to return. Instead, I wondered if God was trying to tell me to stop playing. I stopped playing. I sang. Everyone stopped playing, apart from the flute. Just the beautiful woodwind and our voices in harmony. The Spirit flowed like a wind through the congregation. How can I describe it? Overwhelming love.
I noticed, fairly late in the week the pattern that emerged from the choruses this week, without me even realising it:
- The Rock who is Christ
- The Fire of the Spirit
- The Water that cleanses
- The Wind which revives
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