Yes, I've backed off the last couple of weeks.
Actually, I've backed off a little too much I think, and started doing stuff which is....well not sinful exactly, just somewhat unworthy of me - or should that be worthy of my own self, but not for my Creator?
Whatever - I'm losing it, and I know why this is, I'm not getting regular fellowship with other Christians.
But even that is a wretched excuse. I don't work for a Christian organisation, but it is one that is fair, balanced and respectful (yes, that is a rarity) so it isn't as if work has corrupted me, although I have been very very busy.
I will be seeing a friend on Monday, and it could be the last time I see them in a good few months. This makes me somewhat melancholic...There's email, there's phone calls, but there's nothing like face to face...
...face to face..I can only imagine...
I need to prepare for a worship session next week, and I'm halfway there, but....something is happening in my heart, worship leading is going to become secondary in my relationship with God. Yes, I know that it won't be, never could be, either/or, but there are indications that He doesn't see it as the most important activity He wants me for. And I sense certain tasks are coming to a conclusion, by which time I will, and must, let go.
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Friday, 11 January 2013
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Courts of the King
Today was a Good Day.
It was a God Day.
It started with words of encouragement and really good worship in this sorta locum WL activity I've found myself in. Someone pointed out (and liked the fact) that it was made up of old choruses. But, my gosh, when 3 of them have them singing in tongues and you feel like an ocean wave you just know the Spirit is moving.
At the beginning of the proceedings someone reminded me that if it is just one on one, i.e. just me worshipping God - sobeit. Don't worry if not one person is joining in. Worship God. It wasn't until the 3rd verse of the second chorus that I started to settle, and worship.
Oh wow, it felt good today. It's the way worship should be - that I feel topped up, invigorated - and utterly exhausted. But to feel spiritually improved and tired is a good thing, believe me. I feel that I've given God 110%.
My spirit fervently prays that the person I'm "locum"ing for comes back soon. In fact, it would be best for them to be there as soon as possible - for their own spiritual health.
I am so going to enjoy this whilst it lasts though. Thank You. This has all come at exactly the right time.
It was a God Day.
It started with words of encouragement and really good worship in this sorta locum WL activity I've found myself in. Someone pointed out (and liked the fact) that it was made up of old choruses. But, my gosh, when 3 of them have them singing in tongues and you feel like an ocean wave you just know the Spirit is moving.
At the beginning of the proceedings someone reminded me that if it is just one on one, i.e. just me worshipping God - sobeit. Don't worry if not one person is joining in. Worship God. It wasn't until the 3rd verse of the second chorus that I started to settle, and worship.
Oh wow, it felt good today. It's the way worship should be - that I feel topped up, invigorated - and utterly exhausted. But to feel spiritually improved and tired is a good thing, believe me. I feel that I've given God 110%.
My spirit fervently prays that the person I'm "locum"ing for comes back soon. In fact, it would be best for them to be there as soon as possible - for their own spiritual health.
I am so going to enjoy this whilst it lasts though. Thank You. This has all come at exactly the right time.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Dub'y'ell
When I arrived at church yesterday, I had the place to myself for 10 minutes or so, and PA man had left a CD going in the background, some live festival or somesuch, Christian music. I was trying to get my head together and thinking about my friend who may or may not turn up that morning (they did - see yesterday's post).
In the midst of that, the CD track changed and suddenly a flame in me reawakened. Imperceptible at first, in fact, I didn't feel it at all until later that afternoon, when I thought of the chorus, looked up CopyReport, found it in the SOF, transcribed it to Musescore and thought...
...wow...this one was a direct answer to prayer.
You see, there's another special day coming up, there is a high expectation level on it (not directly on me, I hasten to add - I just want to do my best, as high as I set my bar, rightly or wrongly, and I'm on my own), and I need to find some choruses that pack some punch, and oh yes, I've found one. 20 years old, and here I am, flipping around like a fish out of water amongst the rather more trendy choruses that Kingsway tend to post.
God's saying: "Don't stress. I'll pick the right ones. You just have to play them." There was I, worried that, although I had a bunch of "new-ish" choruses there didn't seem to be one that would have set the place alight - metaphorically speaking. Sorry I forgot, Boss: You have it all under control.
As usual, this has started a chain reaction of administration that I need to do, and yet another project has popped up in relation to all this shebang which will take some time. But I'm happiest being occupied. And it means I don't have to think about...other stuff. Well, not yet anyway. And only at the appropriate time.
(If you're wondering about the post title, some of you will work it out straightaway. To the others I say - have a think about it. :-) )
In the midst of that, the CD track changed and suddenly a flame in me reawakened. Imperceptible at first, in fact, I didn't feel it at all until later that afternoon, when I thought of the chorus, looked up CopyReport, found it in the SOF, transcribed it to Musescore and thought...
...wow...this one was a direct answer to prayer.
You see, there's another special day coming up, there is a high expectation level on it (not directly on me, I hasten to add - I just want to do my best, as high as I set my bar, rightly or wrongly, and I'm on my own), and I need to find some choruses that pack some punch, and oh yes, I've found one. 20 years old, and here I am, flipping around like a fish out of water amongst the rather more trendy choruses that Kingsway tend to post.
God's saying: "Don't stress. I'll pick the right ones. You just have to play them." There was I, worried that, although I had a bunch of "new-ish" choruses there didn't seem to be one that would have set the place alight - metaphorically speaking. Sorry I forgot, Boss: You have it all under control.
As usual, this has started a chain reaction of administration that I need to do, and yet another project has popped up in relation to all this shebang which will take some time. But I'm happiest being occupied. And it means I don't have to think about...other stuff. Well, not yet anyway. And only at the appropriate time.
(If you're wondering about the post title, some of you will work it out straightaway. To the others I say - have a think about it. :-) )
Wednesday, 16 May 2012
Phase 2
Today I am humming yesterday's Kingsway chorus. I suppose there are worse things to have stuck in your head!
I was having trouble getting motivated into Phase Two of the Great Music Project. I did a little yesterday afternoon/early evening and then was back to doing what I should really start to deal with, spiritually - playing around on various non-expedient games on the internet.
I guess some of this apathy centred around the fact that the special Saturday night next month had been cancelled, and I thought maybe all the frenzied activity was for..well, no, not nothing, but perhaps I have more time to prepare. God, however, bowled a googlie last night (as He does). The night is back on again, due to the fact it has been too widely publicised, and is 4 weeks away. Should have trusted Him I know. All this prep, there was A Reason.
So Phase 2 has to be back on again, and I have to get a plan for the night done within 3 weeks. This is because I have a busy busy busy week leading up to the night (workwise) but hopefully some time off in lieu will have accumulated to allow me to have the Friday off. Discussion with person in charge for the night, as it won't be the usual body. Find out about PA, because that won't be the normal body either.
I'm getting nervous. Believe it or not, this is a good sign.
I was having trouble getting motivated into Phase Two of the Great Music Project. I did a little yesterday afternoon/early evening and then was back to doing what I should really start to deal with, spiritually - playing around on various non-expedient games on the internet.
I guess some of this apathy centred around the fact that the special Saturday night next month had been cancelled, and I thought maybe all the frenzied activity was for..well, no, not nothing, but perhaps I have more time to prepare. God, however, bowled a googlie last night (as He does). The night is back on again, due to the fact it has been too widely publicised, and is 4 weeks away. Should have trusted Him I know. All this prep, there was A Reason.
So Phase 2 has to be back on again, and I have to get a plan for the night done within 3 weeks. This is because I have a busy busy busy week leading up to the night (workwise) but hopefully some time off in lieu will have accumulated to allow me to have the Friday off. Discussion with person in charge for the night, as it won't be the usual body. Find out about PA, because that won't be the normal body either.
I'm getting nervous. Believe it or not, this is a good sign.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Find me in the river
I'm going through a bit of an odd stage.
I've been "unwell" all week. I've put that in inverted commas because despite it being rather flu like, and has left its calling card of a sore throat and cough, I'm of the attitude: Pfffft. Spiritually I feel like I've been through a lot worse in the last 6 months. This is a minor inconvenience in comparison. So, despite the feelings of breathlessness after a coughing fit engendering sympathy from some quarters, {takes on teenage demeanour} I'm, like, 'whatever', {teenage mode off}. But....
I've had a successful afternoon, I've picked the choruses and hymns for two Sundays, or at least He has. I asked, so I chorusstormed and out they came. A few of the transitions have got me quite excited actually. (Particularly for a special guest week) But....
Oh, and I've nearly come to the end of Stage 1 of the Great Music Project. Stage 2 - the cataloguing, will be the key stage, because if I keep it properly up to date, it will prove invaluable when chorusstorming, because I'll be able to tell, at a glance, what I have, in what key and where it could fit, without having to trawl through a chord sheet file (or two). The odd personality I am, I'm almost sorry it's got to the organisational stage, y'know, my WL life should be easier from hereon. It doesn't mean that I have no more work to do on Musescore, oh no. But any work I do on MS will be for research or experiments only, not panicitstuesdayandthemusiciansdon'thaveanymusic mad rush that it has been in the past. But....
Yes, it seems I have teenage syndrome in my spiritual life. Am I sulking? The problems that I've referred to (OK, rather abstractedly on here) have not gone away, and I've been brooding on them again. I think it's time to speak to my friends again, but I won't see them for a week...and...is it really necessary?
I've decided whilst writing this, when I get into Bible study this evening I'm going to seek answers, comfort and a bit of discipline from the Boss. After all, my problems are His as well. I need to know is it me, or something to pray into for change?
I've been "unwell" all week. I've put that in inverted commas because despite it being rather flu like, and has left its calling card of a sore throat and cough, I'm of the attitude: Pfffft. Spiritually I feel like I've been through a lot worse in the last 6 months. This is a minor inconvenience in comparison. So, despite the feelings of breathlessness after a coughing fit engendering sympathy from some quarters, {takes on teenage demeanour} I'm, like, 'whatever', {teenage mode off}. But....
I've had a successful afternoon, I've picked the choruses and hymns for two Sundays, or at least He has. I asked, so I chorusstormed and out they came. A few of the transitions have got me quite excited actually. (Particularly for a special guest week) But....
Oh, and I've nearly come to the end of Stage 1 of the Great Music Project. Stage 2 - the cataloguing, will be the key stage, because if I keep it properly up to date, it will prove invaluable when chorusstorming, because I'll be able to tell, at a glance, what I have, in what key and where it could fit, without having to trawl through a chord sheet file (or two). The odd personality I am, I'm almost sorry it's got to the organisational stage, y'know, my WL life should be easier from hereon. It doesn't mean that I have no more work to do on Musescore, oh no. But any work I do on MS will be for research or experiments only, not panicitstuesdayandthemusiciansdon'thaveanymusic mad rush that it has been in the past. But....
Yes, it seems I have teenage syndrome in my spiritual life. Am I sulking? The problems that I've referred to (OK, rather abstractedly on here) have not gone away, and I've been brooding on them again. I think it's time to speak to my friends again, but I won't see them for a week...and...is it really necessary?
I've decided whilst writing this, when I get into Bible study this evening I'm going to seek answers, comfort and a bit of discipline from the Boss. After all, my problems are His as well. I need to know is it me, or something to pray into for change?
Friday, 27 April 2012
Who's the Daddy?
For all sorts of reasons, I found myself weighing up whether or not to go to my regular place of worship this Sunday.
Some may think I'm throwing some sorta hissy-fit-strop if I don't turn up, but I really really really have my reservations about the program this Sunday. I decided that I'm going to have to pray in that it will work, and it will bless, despite what that may mean...
...but then again, I know I have two mortals that have admitted that they're my biggest fans. It's great to have backup in this life, tears spring to my eyes when I think of it, and I just see myself as so so blessed....
...so pray for it to be a success, because mortal conflict cannot get in the way of Daddy's Will. And turn up, because I believe He wants me to show visible support.
Back here, I said how renewed motivation had got me preparing choruses well in advance of ever needing them, well at the moment that not only includes that which we all should know, but more besides. In the past, I've ignored choruses that I feel don't suit our congregation. Now, if it packs a punch in my spirit, it's getting added to a work in progress list for Musescore, the words file AND chord sheet - I have disciplined myself to do these at the same time and write up the chord sheets as soon as I have no more than 6 or so pending. I feel strongly that doing all these more modern and slightly more contemporary choruses are not the waste of time I may have felt previously. This means the Boss is getting me prepared for something. I have some thoughts in mind of why He's doing this, in a nutshell, I think there are busy times ahead where I can do little, if any administration, because I'll need to be doing. How exciting is that?
But I'm making some wonderful discoveries, even amongst old choruses. It's like going through a jam-packed attic, lots of hard slog but with small rewards. I've "found" one which, if I manage to get through it without becoming a puddle (haven't managed it in practice yet), I feel strongly He has asked me to do as the "pivot" Sunday week - it is beautiful in its simplicity...yet over 20 years old! I heard it on a Christian radio station a few days ago, I completed what I needed to for me and group, it's all ready to go. God I think is reminding me not to neglect the old amongst the new, in a similar fashion I say to people 'Don't neglect the Old Testament, for the Old Testament is Jesus Christ concealed, the New is Jesus Christ revealed.' As such, old choruses still have the sparkle of annointing that came through the writer's fingers from the Boss.
All these blessings help me forget the realities of certain situations in my life, and trouble and heartache in particular from an area where I should not. But He constantly reminds me that He's in charge. I can't, I won't have it any other way.
Some may think I'm throwing some sorta hissy-fit-strop if I don't turn up, but I really really really have my reservations about the program this Sunday. I decided that I'm going to have to pray in that it will work, and it will bless, despite what that may mean...
...but then again, I know I have two mortals that have admitted that they're my biggest fans. It's great to have backup in this life, tears spring to my eyes when I think of it, and I just see myself as so so blessed....
...so pray for it to be a success, because mortal conflict cannot get in the way of Daddy's Will. And turn up, because I believe He wants me to show visible support.
Back here, I said how renewed motivation had got me preparing choruses well in advance of ever needing them, well at the moment that not only includes that which we all should know, but more besides. In the past, I've ignored choruses that I feel don't suit our congregation. Now, if it packs a punch in my spirit, it's getting added to a work in progress list for Musescore, the words file AND chord sheet - I have disciplined myself to do these at the same time and write up the chord sheets as soon as I have no more than 6 or so pending. I feel strongly that doing all these more modern and slightly more contemporary choruses are not the waste of time I may have felt previously. This means the Boss is getting me prepared for something. I have some thoughts in mind of why He's doing this, in a nutshell, I think there are busy times ahead where I can do little, if any administration, because I'll need to be doing. How exciting is that?
But I'm making some wonderful discoveries, even amongst old choruses. It's like going through a jam-packed attic, lots of hard slog but with small rewards. I've "found" one which, if I manage to get through it without becoming a puddle (haven't managed it in practice yet), I feel strongly He has asked me to do as the "pivot" Sunday week - it is beautiful in its simplicity...yet over 20 years old! I heard it on a Christian radio station a few days ago, I completed what I needed to for me and group, it's all ready to go. God I think is reminding me not to neglect the old amongst the new, in a similar fashion I say to people 'Don't neglect the Old Testament, for the Old Testament is Jesus Christ concealed, the New is Jesus Christ revealed.' As such, old choruses still have the sparkle of annointing that came through the writer's fingers from the Boss.
All these blessings help me forget the realities of certain situations in my life, and trouble and heartache in particular from an area where I should not. But He constantly reminds me that He's in charge. I can't, I won't have it any other way.
Sunday, 22 April 2012
On duty
Worship this morning:
Hosanna!
Open the eyes of my heart, Lord
God Forgave my Sin (Freely, Freely)
Take Us to the River
Jesus, my Strength
I felt adequate, not much more, He knew (and they probably knew too) that my heart is somewhat off centre at the moment. It felt good to sing the Robin Mark one again, one of my favourites to listen to as well (I have The Mandate version, done when it was still quite new. You can hear the anointing falling) I managed to shake off the melancholia, and I feel OK today, I'm just considering what to say to and what to ask my friend in a couple of days. I pray that they can help, maybe practically, and spiritually, they've already sorted out one problem that I had with the logistics of the meeting.
I've never had friends like this before. I feel blessed in that regard.
I'm not worship leading next Sunday, another slightly sore point, but basically Bossman has something else planned...and...well, let's just say I'm not particularly convinced by the wisdom. Maybe its me.
Friday, 21 October 2011
Motivation
I'm feeling doubts creep in again. I hope that some, if not all, of those feelings will be assuaged on Sunday.
There is an interesting blog post on Kingsway this week. Is our worship costly? I've always struggled with the concept of Worship Leaders receiving a salary, to me it seems natural that our payment for the sacrifice of praise is the knowledge we're doing His will. But as I ponder this, I realise that we are the descendants of the Levites, who received a share of the offerings of the people, and Paul himself said that, although he did not personally get a salary from anyone, those who give full time to the church should receive due payment. But I sometimes wonder why churches advertise for WLs. If their church size justifies paying salaries to a team, surely they can look from within? (Or perhaps they did, and failed)
I was pretty gratified though that the questions that Nikki asks of us in the third paragraph, I can say "Yes" to each one (just about, if I'm honest with one or two, need to work on that), except one which is not applicable (I don't receive a salary for what I do in the church). If a WL answers "No" to three or more, they seriously need to examine themselves, and get their motivation right.
Money is not my motivation anymore, for anything. Sure, I worry about money sometimes, in addition to not getting paid for my voluntary, and willing, servitude, the salary I get paid in the job I'm in now is the lowest possible, and I'm part time to boot. I love my employer. I won't say who they are (people close to me know) as I want to stay within the boundaries of their rules, and even though I could only say good things about them, they have plenty of trumpet blowing sites elsewhere and they can do it better than me. Their motivation is their clients, and instilling that same attitude in their employees; the salaries are OK - nothing more, people are paid a fair salary for what they do, rather than other charities I could mention who pay overblown remuneration to try and motivate the best people into the vacancies. Actually, I understand the latter's position; but to get yourself into the former position, successfully, makes you a world leader.
More than ever, I feel that something big is about to happen at our church. It won't be small for much longer, and my rather conservative nature has to prepare for change. Just so long God is in charge, we'll be OK - and won't implode.
There is an interesting blog post on Kingsway this week. Is our worship costly? I've always struggled with the concept of Worship Leaders receiving a salary, to me it seems natural that our payment for the sacrifice of praise is the knowledge we're doing His will. But as I ponder this, I realise that we are the descendants of the Levites, who received a share of the offerings of the people, and Paul himself said that, although he did not personally get a salary from anyone, those who give full time to the church should receive due payment. But I sometimes wonder why churches advertise for WLs. If their church size justifies paying salaries to a team, surely they can look from within? (Or perhaps they did, and failed)
I was pretty gratified though that the questions that Nikki asks of us in the third paragraph, I can say "Yes" to each one (just about, if I'm honest with one or two, need to work on that), except one which is not applicable (I don't receive a salary for what I do in the church). If a WL answers "No" to three or more, they seriously need to examine themselves, and get their motivation right.
Money is not my motivation anymore, for anything. Sure, I worry about money sometimes, in addition to not getting paid for my voluntary, and willing, servitude, the salary I get paid in the job I'm in now is the lowest possible, and I'm part time to boot. I love my employer. I won't say who they are (people close to me know) as I want to stay within the boundaries of their rules, and even though I could only say good things about them, they have plenty of trumpet blowing sites elsewhere and they can do it better than me. Their motivation is their clients, and instilling that same attitude in their employees; the salaries are OK - nothing more, people are paid a fair salary for what they do, rather than other charities I could mention who pay overblown remuneration to try and motivate the best people into the vacancies. Actually, I understand the latter's position; but to get yourself into the former position, successfully, makes you a world leader.
More than ever, I feel that something big is about to happen at our church. It won't be small for much longer, and my rather conservative nature has to prepare for change. Just so long God is in charge, we'll be OK - and won't implode.
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