Yesterday, the worship was just perfect.
I was nervous at the beginning, and then realised that I hadn't prayed properly, and I knew how it can all go belly up if you don't send up some thanksgiving. I was used to the regular meetings, prayer time being scheduled in, it wasn't yesterday, and I had to quickly send some prayers up whilst the leader put in some intros.
Also not used to being first in the order of the day, so I thought, I'm just going to go for it. Let's aim for Pentecostal.
I stepped back from the mic a few times, let the (very small) cong take charge of the worship whilst I had a small dance myself, not ostentatious, not too undignified, for a verse and a chorus, and then took it back again and the gifts just flowed.
Wonderful. All worship should be that way. I wondered what it would have been like with the group, who I miss, and are getting along without me.
There are indications that I won't be doing this much longer, but after yesterday I can let go. To misquote Elbow, One day like that would see me right for life.
Because there are greater things than these waiting round the corner. There was further confirmation that there are things stirring in my heart that cannot be denied. Oh God give me the courage to see this through.
Showing posts with label special events. Show all posts
Showing posts with label special events. Show all posts
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Friday, 19 October 2012
Death and Resurrection
It is faintly ironic, or maybe it is somewhat apt, that my last official session as WL for the church was a post funeral service.
Two hymns, The Lord's my Shepherd and Abide With Me. I listened to the prayers and speeches made in remembrance of the deceased, a person I didn't know very well actually, but I felt God saying to me throughout: "Don't fear. You've made the right decision, trust Me."
The final conversation hasn't taken place. I expect it to take place some time next week - hopefully Monday or Tuesday. I am not going to be persuaded otherwise to the course I am taking - there is a motivation, a catalyst, a devastating piece of information that when imparted to me I could hear the "boom" of the nail being hammered in...
Then that will be it. I will be in the wilderness. I entered one earlier this year, and I now understand why - to prepare me for this: lonelier, forcing me to be even more dependant on God. You want closeness, He said, I can draw you closer. You just have to be willing and pliant to drop every last vestige of ego and sacrifice your whole being.
But I will learn so much. 2012 has been painful. I'd say I'd do it again, but in fact, I don't want that. I want to move on, not ponder on the past. I don't regret anything that has happened, and I do not want the year to end in bitterness. Just hope. Hope for 2013, which will be a very interesting year.
It will be a blessed year, if I continue to do what He wills me to do.
Two hymns, The Lord's my Shepherd and Abide With Me. I listened to the prayers and speeches made in remembrance of the deceased, a person I didn't know very well actually, but I felt God saying to me throughout: "Don't fear. You've made the right decision, trust Me."
The final conversation hasn't taken place. I expect it to take place some time next week - hopefully Monday or Tuesday. I am not going to be persuaded otherwise to the course I am taking - there is a motivation, a catalyst, a devastating piece of information that when imparted to me I could hear the "boom" of the nail being hammered in...
Then that will be it. I will be in the wilderness. I entered one earlier this year, and I now understand why - to prepare me for this: lonelier, forcing me to be even more dependant on God. You want closeness, He said, I can draw you closer. You just have to be willing and pliant to drop every last vestige of ego and sacrifice your whole being.
But I will learn so much. 2012 has been painful. I'd say I'd do it again, but in fact, I don't want that. I want to move on, not ponder on the past. I don't regret anything that has happened, and I do not want the year to end in bitterness. Just hope. Hope for 2013, which will be a very interesting year.
It will be a blessed year, if I continue to do what He wills me to do.
Friday, 28 September 2012
A day in the life
Yesterday is a day for storing up in my heart. It was very very special. I always knew it was going to be - I just didn't totally appreciate my part in it.
It was an event I know that I will be asked to do again, gosh I loved the experience but mate am I tired today. I was asked to lead worship before each of the three sessions, and do one or two choruses after each of the sessions, so 6 in total.
I didn't do all I wanted to do, and one or two of the "rank outsiders" got an outing. I was sorry that there didn't seem to be a place for Fellingham's "There is a day", but I did do "Bless the Lord O My Soul (10,000 reasons)" (I should point out, on the cards even before it turned up on Kingsway this week) - this for the first time for me (and without the thump-thump-thump, promise you it does work without), and also a beautiful worship chorus called "Ruach" - not so well known, but was appreciated.
The cong were so encouraging, loving everything even when it seemed that some choruses weren't as well known as I thought.
I need to get hold of the CD recordings of the speaker because it really wasn't sinking in properly - there were one or two things I picked up on, and I was prayed for after I finished my duties, but it would be good to listen to it all again and let the gospel sink in...and reminisce on the annointing...
Something special has happened, with me, over the last couple months, ever since stuff started going a bit pear shaped in early July. Yesterday, I finally understood how much I had matured, and how important my calling is.
I cried out for some clarity as to my direction yesterday, I didn't seem to get an answer. Maybe I'm just not ready for it. Maybe I need a Word spoken over me that is the starting gun...
I'm going to bask a little, pray a little, get ready for tonight and tomorrow for an event that, for once, I'm not involved in ministry in any way, I can just enjoy the fellowship and food - physical and spiritual top up.
It was an event I know that I will be asked to do again, gosh I loved the experience but mate am I tired today. I was asked to lead worship before each of the three sessions, and do one or two choruses after each of the sessions, so 6 in total.
I didn't do all I wanted to do, and one or two of the "rank outsiders" got an outing. I was sorry that there didn't seem to be a place for Fellingham's "There is a day", but I did do "Bless the Lord O My Soul (10,000 reasons)" (I should point out, on the cards even before it turned up on Kingsway this week) - this for the first time for me (and without the thump-thump-thump, promise you it does work without), and also a beautiful worship chorus called "Ruach" - not so well known, but was appreciated.
The cong were so encouraging, loving everything even when it seemed that some choruses weren't as well known as I thought.
I need to get hold of the CD recordings of the speaker because it really wasn't sinking in properly - there were one or two things I picked up on, and I was prayed for after I finished my duties, but it would be good to listen to it all again and let the gospel sink in...and reminisce on the annointing...
Something special has happened, with me, over the last couple months, ever since stuff started going a bit pear shaped in early July. Yesterday, I finally understood how much I had matured, and how important my calling is.
I cried out for some clarity as to my direction yesterday, I didn't seem to get an answer. Maybe I'm just not ready for it. Maybe I need a Word spoken over me that is the starting gun...
I'm going to bask a little, pray a little, get ready for tonight and tomorrow for an event that, for once, I'm not involved in ministry in any way, I can just enjoy the fellowship and food - physical and spiritual top up.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Preparation
A pretty important shindig tomorrow at which I will be leading worship alone - probably 3 short sessions throughout the day.
It's difficult to sort out how I feel about it - I've been looking forward to it for months, but I now seem to be suffering a mixture of stress, nerves, uncertainty and excitement. Someone should make up a word for such a mix.
I was getting close to panic at the weekend when I realised that 8 or 9 of the songs chosen I had never led before, and 5 or 6 of those I only knew a little. They have been born out of a couple of months of activity with Musescore and the like, searching for new stuff and recollecting old. Then, the other day, after a deep breath and a prayer or two, I removed 3 or 4 of them, added 3 or 4 I know standing on my head (but I won't try that tomorrow - maybe next year) and He came up with an awesome mix that almost had me slain in the bedroom where I was practicing. How does He do that?
2 of them at least I am new to leading, as I am on my own, this doesn't matter, I can let the cong help me a little. But they will be introduced into Sunday worship soon. Then there's one we did last Sunday which I have an inkling the speaker will want repeated. And another which I think has so much anointing it sizzles. This is the "excitement" part. If I say to the boss I'm nervous - he'll say "Good." - no help there! He believes that nerves help you give way to the true Boss of the day and I think he's right there.
Uncertainty? Well, this is an old enemy which I can't seem to shake, and I know I'll be back blogging here on Friday, Saturday or Sunday (busy weekend) saying that He had it under control. I don't need to worry about how I "perform". It isn't a performance. It's a duty. The uncertainty will go when I strike the first chord (an F as it happens, 3rd fret CAPO D...)
Stress? A wise man once said that life is fragile, handle with prayer. That doesn't mean I'm going to sleep tonight though.
I'm sad that a certain couple of friends can't be there, but happy that the sun is shining brightly after a couple of months of clouds. Which I really can't say for North Wales at the moment, I think we'll be dragging out the liferafts. At least the flooding is under control around my area, though I saw some shocking pictures last night.
I'm pretty much set. One practice session then I'm ready. Then pick the Sunday choruses. Then maybe the following Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Then nothing for about 3 weeks (maybe one, but low stress level), that is going to be ODD. I hope I don't waste this time of R&R and get a few things sorted, not only in my life, but also in my heart.
It's difficult to sort out how I feel about it - I've been looking forward to it for months, but I now seem to be suffering a mixture of stress, nerves, uncertainty and excitement. Someone should make up a word for such a mix.
I was getting close to panic at the weekend when I realised that 8 or 9 of the songs chosen I had never led before, and 5 or 6 of those I only knew a little. They have been born out of a couple of months of activity with Musescore and the like, searching for new stuff and recollecting old. Then, the other day, after a deep breath and a prayer or two, I removed 3 or 4 of them, added 3 or 4 I know standing on my head (but I won't try that tomorrow - maybe next year) and He came up with an awesome mix that almost had me slain in the bedroom where I was practicing. How does He do that?
2 of them at least I am new to leading, as I am on my own, this doesn't matter, I can let the cong help me a little. But they will be introduced into Sunday worship soon. Then there's one we did last Sunday which I have an inkling the speaker will want repeated. And another which I think has so much anointing it sizzles. This is the "excitement" part. If I say to the boss I'm nervous - he'll say "Good." - no help there! He believes that nerves help you give way to the true Boss of the day and I think he's right there.
Uncertainty? Well, this is an old enemy which I can't seem to shake, and I know I'll be back blogging here on Friday, Saturday or Sunday (busy weekend) saying that He had it under control. I don't need to worry about how I "perform". It isn't a performance. It's a duty. The uncertainty will go when I strike the first chord (an F as it happens, 3rd fret CAPO D...)
Stress? A wise man once said that life is fragile, handle with prayer. That doesn't mean I'm going to sleep tonight though.
I'm sad that a certain couple of friends can't be there, but happy that the sun is shining brightly after a couple of months of clouds. Which I really can't say for North Wales at the moment, I think we'll be dragging out the liferafts. At least the flooding is under control around my area, though I saw some shocking pictures last night.
I'm pretty much set. One practice session then I'm ready. Then pick the Sunday choruses. Then maybe the following Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Then nothing for about 3 weeks (maybe one, but low stress level), that is going to be ODD. I hope I don't waste this time of R&R and get a few things sorted, not only in my life, but also in my heart.
Saturday, 22 September 2012
Detached
Now there's a word.
That word was said to me a few weeks ago by a new friend, who said they felt "detatched".
I know what they're on about, I can totally relate.
Everyone needs a bosom to run to. I feel a bit let down of late. No, not by God, absolutely not. Not by my SOH either who I know will be perfect in a crisis if this escalates. No, I feel let down by other mere mortals. I stretch out a hand, and it feels like it's ignored.
I was looking through my modern Anglican hymnbook - some might call the publication "eccentric", others "a bit PC focussed" - f'r'instance, it has "Onward Christian Pilgrims" rather than Soldiers. Hmm. Anyway, there were two hymns my eyes alighted upon "Good King Wenceslas" and a new one on me "Going Home" (which has now become a strong contender for my funeral hymn; every Christian seems to have one). One invites you to tread in Christ's footsteps, the other reminds you that "Christ has gone before"
Christ has gone before. What a fabulous reminder for those about to enter unknown territory. Like I might be.
In other news, I might actually be....sssshhh...nervous Still, Sunday morning will come and go, as will next Thursday. All I can do right now is pray.
That word was said to me a few weeks ago by a new friend, who said they felt "detatched".
I know what they're on about, I can totally relate.
Everyone needs a bosom to run to. I feel a bit let down of late. No, not by God, absolutely not. Not by my SOH either who I know will be perfect in a crisis if this escalates. No, I feel let down by other mere mortals. I stretch out a hand, and it feels like it's ignored.
I was looking through my modern Anglican hymnbook - some might call the publication "eccentric", others "a bit PC focussed" - f'r'instance, it has "Onward Christian Pilgrims" rather than Soldiers. Hmm. Anyway, there were two hymns my eyes alighted upon "Good King Wenceslas" and a new one on me "Going Home" (which has now become a strong contender for my funeral hymn; every Christian seems to have one). One invites you to tread in Christ's footsteps, the other reminds you that "Christ has gone before"
Christ has gone before. What a fabulous reminder for those about to enter unknown territory. Like I might be.
In other news, I might actually be....sssshhh...nervous Still, Sunday morning will come and go, as will next Thursday. All I can do right now is pray.
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