The other day, I tried to remember what my Sundays were like before Feb '11, and couldn't. Sundays are strange without my usual task, and even stranger today as I didn't go to church at all. This is because I decided to stay at home due to a minor health issue. I actually felt better this morning, but as evening draws in, it's raised its ugly head again, so I guess I'm going to the doctors tomorrow. I'm going away for work soon - I don't want it to become serious in some remote location!
I've prayed on and off today, thought about yesterday and carried on with a task I believe that God wants me to complete, although I'm not sure of the reason why. Last Christmas, I built a PowerPoint file of songs for the church with a hyperlinked index, so me and/or the group could be as portable and flexible as possible. Well, obviously they've kept that file and the updates I've made and I hope that they keep that system going. A few months ago, I decided to change the format of the file slightly, not least because there was some weird error going on that caused it to crash. So, I started to rebuild it. Now that I've parted company with the church, I'm going further than that - carrying on with the reformat, removing the CCL number, splitting the hymns away from the choruses...and getting rid of the ones which I will never play. Y'see, the way I view it is that churches go through seasons. That chorus or hymn may have been annointed last season. This season it's starting to smell a bit. Yet there are some that still play it in a given setting because it did alright last time. It may have a revival. Some think that old revivals will be...erhem..revived with one chorus.
I want to scream at them to listen to what God wants, not what they think will be good on a certain day, and they can play.
Anyway, I can always put them back again, for songs, have seasons, and it seems I'm starting a new one. Why I'm rebuilding the file when I can't see any purpose for it yet seems pointless, but I'm sure God's telling me to complete this. So I will.
Showing posts with label preparation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label preparation. Show all posts
Sunday, 4 November 2012
Wednesday, 26 September 2012
Preparation
A pretty important shindig tomorrow at which I will be leading worship alone - probably 3 short sessions throughout the day.
It's difficult to sort out how I feel about it - I've been looking forward to it for months, but I now seem to be suffering a mixture of stress, nerves, uncertainty and excitement. Someone should make up a word for such a mix.
I was getting close to panic at the weekend when I realised that 8 or 9 of the songs chosen I had never led before, and 5 or 6 of those I only knew a little. They have been born out of a couple of months of activity with Musescore and the like, searching for new stuff and recollecting old. Then, the other day, after a deep breath and a prayer or two, I removed 3 or 4 of them, added 3 or 4 I know standing on my head (but I won't try that tomorrow - maybe next year) and He came up with an awesome mix that almost had me slain in the bedroom where I was practicing. How does He do that?
2 of them at least I am new to leading, as I am on my own, this doesn't matter, I can let the cong help me a little. But they will be introduced into Sunday worship soon. Then there's one we did last Sunday which I have an inkling the speaker will want repeated. And another which I think has so much anointing it sizzles. This is the "excitement" part. If I say to the boss I'm nervous - he'll say "Good." - no help there! He believes that nerves help you give way to the true Boss of the day and I think he's right there.
Uncertainty? Well, this is an old enemy which I can't seem to shake, and I know I'll be back blogging here on Friday, Saturday or Sunday (busy weekend) saying that He had it under control. I don't need to worry about how I "perform". It isn't a performance. It's a duty. The uncertainty will go when I strike the first chord (an F as it happens, 3rd fret CAPO D...)
Stress? A wise man once said that life is fragile, handle with prayer. That doesn't mean I'm going to sleep tonight though.
I'm sad that a certain couple of friends can't be there, but happy that the sun is shining brightly after a couple of months of clouds. Which I really can't say for North Wales at the moment, I think we'll be dragging out the liferafts. At least the flooding is under control around my area, though I saw some shocking pictures last night.
I'm pretty much set. One practice session then I'm ready. Then pick the Sunday choruses. Then maybe the following Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Then nothing for about 3 weeks (maybe one, but low stress level), that is going to be ODD. I hope I don't waste this time of R&R and get a few things sorted, not only in my life, but also in my heart.
It's difficult to sort out how I feel about it - I've been looking forward to it for months, but I now seem to be suffering a mixture of stress, nerves, uncertainty and excitement. Someone should make up a word for such a mix.
I was getting close to panic at the weekend when I realised that 8 or 9 of the songs chosen I had never led before, and 5 or 6 of those I only knew a little. They have been born out of a couple of months of activity with Musescore and the like, searching for new stuff and recollecting old. Then, the other day, after a deep breath and a prayer or two, I removed 3 or 4 of them, added 3 or 4 I know standing on my head (but I won't try that tomorrow - maybe next year) and He came up with an awesome mix that almost had me slain in the bedroom where I was practicing. How does He do that?
2 of them at least I am new to leading, as I am on my own, this doesn't matter, I can let the cong help me a little. But they will be introduced into Sunday worship soon. Then there's one we did last Sunday which I have an inkling the speaker will want repeated. And another which I think has so much anointing it sizzles. This is the "excitement" part. If I say to the boss I'm nervous - he'll say "Good." - no help there! He believes that nerves help you give way to the true Boss of the day and I think he's right there.
Uncertainty? Well, this is an old enemy which I can't seem to shake, and I know I'll be back blogging here on Friday, Saturday or Sunday (busy weekend) saying that He had it under control. I don't need to worry about how I "perform". It isn't a performance. It's a duty. The uncertainty will go when I strike the first chord (an F as it happens, 3rd fret CAPO D...)
Stress? A wise man once said that life is fragile, handle with prayer. That doesn't mean I'm going to sleep tonight though.
I'm sad that a certain couple of friends can't be there, but happy that the sun is shining brightly after a couple of months of clouds. Which I really can't say for North Wales at the moment, I think we'll be dragging out the liferafts. At least the flooding is under control around my area, though I saw some shocking pictures last night.
I'm pretty much set. One practice session then I'm ready. Then pick the Sunday choruses. Then maybe the following Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
Then nothing for about 3 weeks (maybe one, but low stress level), that is going to be ODD. I hope I don't waste this time of R&R and get a few things sorted, not only in my life, but also in my heart.
Saturday, 22 September 2012
Detached
Now there's a word.
That word was said to me a few weeks ago by a new friend, who said they felt "detatched".
I know what they're on about, I can totally relate.
Everyone needs a bosom to run to. I feel a bit let down of late. No, not by God, absolutely not. Not by my SOH either who I know will be perfect in a crisis if this escalates. No, I feel let down by other mere mortals. I stretch out a hand, and it feels like it's ignored.
I was looking through my modern Anglican hymnbook - some might call the publication "eccentric", others "a bit PC focussed" - f'r'instance, it has "Onward Christian Pilgrims" rather than Soldiers. Hmm. Anyway, there were two hymns my eyes alighted upon "Good King Wenceslas" and a new one on me "Going Home" (which has now become a strong contender for my funeral hymn; every Christian seems to have one). One invites you to tread in Christ's footsteps, the other reminds you that "Christ has gone before"
Christ has gone before. What a fabulous reminder for those about to enter unknown territory. Like I might be.
In other news, I might actually be....sssshhh...nervous Still, Sunday morning will come and go, as will next Thursday. All I can do right now is pray.
That word was said to me a few weeks ago by a new friend, who said they felt "detatched".
I know what they're on about, I can totally relate.
Everyone needs a bosom to run to. I feel a bit let down of late. No, not by God, absolutely not. Not by my SOH either who I know will be perfect in a crisis if this escalates. No, I feel let down by other mere mortals. I stretch out a hand, and it feels like it's ignored.
I was looking through my modern Anglican hymnbook - some might call the publication "eccentric", others "a bit PC focussed" - f'r'instance, it has "Onward Christian Pilgrims" rather than Soldiers. Hmm. Anyway, there were two hymns my eyes alighted upon "Good King Wenceslas" and a new one on me "Going Home" (which has now become a strong contender for my funeral hymn; every Christian seems to have one). One invites you to tread in Christ's footsteps, the other reminds you that "Christ has gone before"
Christ has gone before. What a fabulous reminder for those about to enter unknown territory. Like I might be.
In other news, I might actually be....sssshhh...nervous Still, Sunday morning will come and go, as will next Thursday. All I can do right now is pray.
Sunday, 16 September 2012
Hope, Promises, Love
Worship this morning:
Tell Out my Soul
From the Breaking of the Dawn
Above All Powers
At the Cross
I Worship You, Almighty God
I will maintain and even improve upon all mortal relationships, for if a relationship moves into a different chapter, I want it to continue, even if it's from afar. What good is it to sour, you may need it later - and you could end up trying to use something very skanky indeed!
When I think that the next time the group could be properly together again, the clocks would have gone back and autumn will be moving into winter, it sorta saddens me, and my heart pangs as I really don't know what's going to happen "beyond", once plans laid are put into action. Yes, I have three more Sundays, a special day and possibly another Saturday as a "locum" (though several of us are praying that the permanent WL comes back, soon, for their spiritual health) - yet it feels like a gradual descent into a feather bed of rest, and yet in this bed I will have to also seek.
I feel so so tired, I'm not even halfway yet. I am happy - sort of - but I am a little fearful that my strength could give out, that I have taken on much too much against God's will.
I think I'll take it gradually at work tomorrow, I'm actually looking forward to it as I'll be seeing parts of a process as yet unseen.
I pray for my own spiritual clouded glass to clear soon. It is. Slowly. Maybe I'm afraid of what it might show.
Tell Out my Soul
From the Breaking of the Dawn
Above All Powers
At the Cross
I Worship You, Almighty God
I will maintain and even improve upon all mortal relationships, for if a relationship moves into a different chapter, I want it to continue, even if it's from afar. What good is it to sour, you may need it later - and you could end up trying to use something very skanky indeed!
When I think that the next time the group could be properly together again, the clocks would have gone back and autumn will be moving into winter, it sorta saddens me, and my heart pangs as I really don't know what's going to happen "beyond", once plans laid are put into action. Yes, I have three more Sundays, a special day and possibly another Saturday as a "locum" (though several of us are praying that the permanent WL comes back, soon, for their spiritual health) - yet it feels like a gradual descent into a feather bed of rest, and yet in this bed I will have to also seek.
I feel so so tired, I'm not even halfway yet. I am happy - sort of - but I am a little fearful that my strength could give out, that I have taken on much too much against God's will.
I think I'll take it gradually at work tomorrow, I'm actually looking forward to it as I'll be seeing parts of a process as yet unseen.
I pray for my own spiritual clouded glass to clear soon. It is. Slowly. Maybe I'm afraid of what it might show.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Development
God knows exactly how to handle me - generally speaking He corners me so I have to do something other than procrastinate. Well, I am in that situation, although I knew one day I'd buy one, I didn't think I would need one quite as urgently. Ordered at 4pm yesterday, received a little over 24 hours later. (For those of you over 30 - doesn't that still blow your mind how quickly dreams can arrive on your doorstep? I guess I could have got it still quicker than that.)
It has mic as well as instrument input so will come in very handy. Good price too.
With everything else going on - I know I am still being prepared for something. Currently, I'm on a sort of starting block. I'm waiting for the gun to fire. Trouble is, it's in God's own time, not mine. Guess He's teaching me patience, along with everything else.
Monday, 20 August 2012
Dub'y'ell
When I arrived at church yesterday, I had the place to myself for 10 minutes or so, and PA man had left a CD going in the background, some live festival or somesuch, Christian music. I was trying to get my head together and thinking about my friend who may or may not turn up that morning (they did - see yesterday's post).
In the midst of that, the CD track changed and suddenly a flame in me reawakened. Imperceptible at first, in fact, I didn't feel it at all until later that afternoon, when I thought of the chorus, looked up CopyReport, found it in the SOF, transcribed it to Musescore and thought...
...wow...this one was a direct answer to prayer.
You see, there's another special day coming up, there is a high expectation level on it (not directly on me, I hasten to add - I just want to do my best, as high as I set my bar, rightly or wrongly, and I'm on my own), and I need to find some choruses that pack some punch, and oh yes, I've found one. 20 years old, and here I am, flipping around like a fish out of water amongst the rather more trendy choruses that Kingsway tend to post.
God's saying: "Don't stress. I'll pick the right ones. You just have to play them." There was I, worried that, although I had a bunch of "new-ish" choruses there didn't seem to be one that would have set the place alight - metaphorically speaking. Sorry I forgot, Boss: You have it all under control.
As usual, this has started a chain reaction of administration that I need to do, and yet another project has popped up in relation to all this shebang which will take some time. But I'm happiest being occupied. And it means I don't have to think about...other stuff. Well, not yet anyway. And only at the appropriate time.
(If you're wondering about the post title, some of you will work it out straightaway. To the others I say - have a think about it. :-) )
In the midst of that, the CD track changed and suddenly a flame in me reawakened. Imperceptible at first, in fact, I didn't feel it at all until later that afternoon, when I thought of the chorus, looked up CopyReport, found it in the SOF, transcribed it to Musescore and thought...
...wow...this one was a direct answer to prayer.
You see, there's another special day coming up, there is a high expectation level on it (not directly on me, I hasten to add - I just want to do my best, as high as I set my bar, rightly or wrongly, and I'm on my own), and I need to find some choruses that pack some punch, and oh yes, I've found one. 20 years old, and here I am, flipping around like a fish out of water amongst the rather more trendy choruses that Kingsway tend to post.
God's saying: "Don't stress. I'll pick the right ones. You just have to play them." There was I, worried that, although I had a bunch of "new-ish" choruses there didn't seem to be one that would have set the place alight - metaphorically speaking. Sorry I forgot, Boss: You have it all under control.
As usual, this has started a chain reaction of administration that I need to do, and yet another project has popped up in relation to all this shebang which will take some time. But I'm happiest being occupied. And it means I don't have to think about...other stuff. Well, not yet anyway. And only at the appropriate time.
(If you're wondering about the post title, some of you will work it out straightaway. To the others I say - have a think about it. :-) )
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Sense and logic
I have joked that God had a bit of a fight with me, with the personality that I am things have got to make logical sense before I can trust it. I also have a problem with the word finite, that something is definitely the truth, because, well, basically, it just is.
I said to God I had a problem with finity. He said "That's fine, I'm infinite, you have a lifetime to understand." I rose to the challenge.
But sometimes stuff just doesn't make sense wherever you file it, even with people saying God just is. I challenged someone last night in a biblical context, they said something was written when it wasn't. It was minor, and I almost regretted saying it because although sometimes I revel in being contentious, it could be seen as petty at face value. Trouble is, the person argued back, and then I really couldn't let go of it.
My mind had already been thrown off kilter by a few pieces of news, one of which had me practically in tears before Bible study begun.
Why? Just....why?
Throughout the evening, God seemed to be asking "Are you angry with Me?" I tried to avoid answering, but once cornered, I had to be honest: "I hope I'm not. I can't begin to understand Your purposes."
Someone said to me the other day that if what I'm doing is a burden to me, and too heavy, I need to stop - and a picture has entered my mind of manual handling courses where you're taught not to lift anything that's too heavy - and at least know the right way to carry it.
I learned something last night though - with what I am about to do, I am on my own. I can't drag anyone else into it, unless they want to pray for me. Actually, I'm not on my own, I have my SOH, my guitar, and God. This was all I started with over a year ago, everything else I have to let go of, only then can I start walking straight again.
I said to God I had a problem with finity. He said "That's fine, I'm infinite, you have a lifetime to understand." I rose to the challenge.
But sometimes stuff just doesn't make sense wherever you file it, even with people saying God just is. I challenged someone last night in a biblical context, they said something was written when it wasn't. It was minor, and I almost regretted saying it because although sometimes I revel in being contentious, it could be seen as petty at face value. Trouble is, the person argued back, and then I really couldn't let go of it.
My mind had already been thrown off kilter by a few pieces of news, one of which had me practically in tears before Bible study begun.
Why? Just....why?
Throughout the evening, God seemed to be asking "Are you angry with Me?" I tried to avoid answering, but once cornered, I had to be honest: "I hope I'm not. I can't begin to understand Your purposes."
Someone said to me the other day that if what I'm doing is a burden to me, and too heavy, I need to stop - and a picture has entered my mind of manual handling courses where you're taught not to lift anything that's too heavy - and at least know the right way to carry it.
I learned something last night though - with what I am about to do, I am on my own. I can't drag anyone else into it, unless they want to pray for me. Actually, I'm not on my own, I have my SOH, my guitar, and God. This was all I started with over a year ago, everything else I have to let go of, only then can I start walking straight again.
Friday, 8 June 2012
12 strings on my guitar
You can imagine, changing the strings on a 12-string is a discipline. Praise God nowadays I have an inbuilt tuner, because tuning them all by ear doubled the tribulation. Or triples, as the lightweight, sharp strings bite me on the way off and on the way on, as if in protest in being removed, or being wound and stretched for the first time.
It takes 2-2.5 hours, taking into account cleaning and testing. It doesn't take into account one of the strings breaking and me desperately searching my worn-out "spares" for a suitable replacement. Surprisingly (or maybe not) it is the same string that used to break on my old Epiphone, the string that is on there now is not the one for the purpose (is the wrong weight) and it means that I feel I must get a new set and change it before next week. I'm concerned it may break again at a vital moment, i.e. during the Saturday night worship. Yes, there's one of those coming up again. I have a good feeling about it though, that it will go much better than last time.
The minor irritations in life bring the old feelings to the surface. Yes, something happened again recently which irked me, and nearly caused my "crocodile" to snap. Bless....do not curse...bless, do not curse....repeat 20 times....I need a break, I am so busy at work and in WL, and I am gladly taking a break at the beginning of July. No "fast" this time, just quitting thinking about chorusstorming and singing. I may spend some time on WL work, perhaps some future "solo" or ministry choruses, that's what seems to be in my spirit currently. Makes me wonder what God's next move will be. How exciting.
But there's other stuff that makes me feel low in quiet times, a couple of friends are going through it and I worry for their future, and the knock on effect if their world starts to fall apart. They are never too far from my thoughts, and I want to be a better pray-er for them, never easy for me. And thoughts of my future too...where? how? my will or His? I've said before, it's not so much the outcome that worries me, that's assured, it's the journey. I know of at least two people who would practically drag me back if I tried to drift away.
Yet, it may not be their choice; I'm waiting for something that will surely mean some sort of action required of me. I'm ready.
It takes 2-2.5 hours, taking into account cleaning and testing. It doesn't take into account one of the strings breaking and me desperately searching my worn-out "spares" for a suitable replacement. Surprisingly (or maybe not) it is the same string that used to break on my old Epiphone, the string that is on there now is not the one for the purpose (is the wrong weight) and it means that I feel I must get a new set and change it before next week. I'm concerned it may break again at a vital moment, i.e. during the Saturday night worship. Yes, there's one of those coming up again. I have a good feeling about it though, that it will go much better than last time.
The minor irritations in life bring the old feelings to the surface. Yes, something happened again recently which irked me, and nearly caused my "crocodile" to snap. Bless....do not curse...bless, do not curse....repeat 20 times....I need a break, I am so busy at work and in WL, and I am gladly taking a break at the beginning of July. No "fast" this time, just quitting thinking about chorusstorming and singing. I may spend some time on WL work, perhaps some future "solo" or ministry choruses, that's what seems to be in my spirit currently. Makes me wonder what God's next move will be. How exciting.
But there's other stuff that makes me feel low in quiet times, a couple of friends are going through it and I worry for their future, and the knock on effect if their world starts to fall apart. They are never too far from my thoughts, and I want to be a better pray-er for them, never easy for me. And thoughts of my future too...where? how? my will or His? I've said before, it's not so much the outcome that worries me, that's assured, it's the journey. I know of at least two people who would practically drag me back if I tried to drift away.
Yet, it may not be their choice; I'm waiting for something that will surely mean some sort of action required of me. I'm ready.
Friday, 27 April 2012
Who's the Daddy?
For all sorts of reasons, I found myself weighing up whether or not to go to my regular place of worship this Sunday.
Some may think I'm throwing some sorta hissy-fit-strop if I don't turn up, but I really really really have my reservations about the program this Sunday. I decided that I'm going to have to pray in that it will work, and it will bless, despite what that may mean...
...but then again, I know I have two mortals that have admitted that they're my biggest fans. It's great to have backup in this life, tears spring to my eyes when I think of it, and I just see myself as so so blessed....
...so pray for it to be a success, because mortal conflict cannot get in the way of Daddy's Will. And turn up, because I believe He wants me to show visible support.
Back here, I said how renewed motivation had got me preparing choruses well in advance of ever needing them, well at the moment that not only includes that which we all should know, but more besides. In the past, I've ignored choruses that I feel don't suit our congregation. Now, if it packs a punch in my spirit, it's getting added to a work in progress list for Musescore, the words file AND chord sheet - I have disciplined myself to do these at the same time and write up the chord sheets as soon as I have no more than 6 or so pending. I feel strongly that doing all these more modern and slightly more contemporary choruses are not the waste of time I may have felt previously. This means the Boss is getting me prepared for something. I have some thoughts in mind of why He's doing this, in a nutshell, I think there are busy times ahead where I can do little, if any administration, because I'll need to be doing. How exciting is that?
But I'm making some wonderful discoveries, even amongst old choruses. It's like going through a jam-packed attic, lots of hard slog but with small rewards. I've "found" one which, if I manage to get through it without becoming a puddle (haven't managed it in practice yet), I feel strongly He has asked me to do as the "pivot" Sunday week - it is beautiful in its simplicity...yet over 20 years old! I heard it on a Christian radio station a few days ago, I completed what I needed to for me and group, it's all ready to go. God I think is reminding me not to neglect the old amongst the new, in a similar fashion I say to people 'Don't neglect the Old Testament, for the Old Testament is Jesus Christ concealed, the New is Jesus Christ revealed.' As such, old choruses still have the sparkle of annointing that came through the writer's fingers from the Boss.
All these blessings help me forget the realities of certain situations in my life, and trouble and heartache in particular from an area where I should not. But He constantly reminds me that He's in charge. I can't, I won't have it any other way.
Some may think I'm throwing some sorta hissy-fit-strop if I don't turn up, but I really really really have my reservations about the program this Sunday. I decided that I'm going to have to pray in that it will work, and it will bless, despite what that may mean...
...but then again, I know I have two mortals that have admitted that they're my biggest fans. It's great to have backup in this life, tears spring to my eyes when I think of it, and I just see myself as so so blessed....
...so pray for it to be a success, because mortal conflict cannot get in the way of Daddy's Will. And turn up, because I believe He wants me to show visible support.
Back here, I said how renewed motivation had got me preparing choruses well in advance of ever needing them, well at the moment that not only includes that which we all should know, but more besides. In the past, I've ignored choruses that I feel don't suit our congregation. Now, if it packs a punch in my spirit, it's getting added to a work in progress list for Musescore, the words file AND chord sheet - I have disciplined myself to do these at the same time and write up the chord sheets as soon as I have no more than 6 or so pending. I feel strongly that doing all these more modern and slightly more contemporary choruses are not the waste of time I may have felt previously. This means the Boss is getting me prepared for something. I have some thoughts in mind of why He's doing this, in a nutshell, I think there are busy times ahead where I can do little, if any administration, because I'll need to be doing. How exciting is that?
But I'm making some wonderful discoveries, even amongst old choruses. It's like going through a jam-packed attic, lots of hard slog but with small rewards. I've "found" one which, if I manage to get through it without becoming a puddle (haven't managed it in practice yet), I feel strongly He has asked me to do as the "pivot" Sunday week - it is beautiful in its simplicity...yet over 20 years old! I heard it on a Christian radio station a few days ago, I completed what I needed to for me and group, it's all ready to go. God I think is reminding me not to neglect the old amongst the new, in a similar fashion I say to people 'Don't neglect the Old Testament, for the Old Testament is Jesus Christ concealed, the New is Jesus Christ revealed.' As such, old choruses still have the sparkle of annointing that came through the writer's fingers from the Boss.
All these blessings help me forget the realities of certain situations in my life, and trouble and heartache in particular from an area where I should not. But He constantly reminds me that He's in charge. I can't, I won't have it any other way.
Thursday, 15 March 2012
As it comes
After fellowship with a couple who have become good friends, I feel more focussed, more confident and better equipped, in particular, my attitude is improving. And my sense of humour is coming back. This can only be a good thing. Or not, depending upon how you view my sense of humour.
He liked my analogy of the headwind of my own making. If you experience that again, he said, invite Jesus into your boat, deal with it, and move on. Don't go searching for the problems, deal with them as they come. And do not give up, even if you state it is "having a rest". Satan knows you will never be perfect, and you won't be perfect until the Day.
There are some concerns I'm going to have to put to one side, because the answers will only come with time. But I do feel ready to pick up my guitar again, although I have promised myself, and God, not to for least two weeks - the two weeks which expire Sunday afternoon.
He liked my analogy of the headwind of my own making. If you experience that again, he said, invite Jesus into your boat, deal with it, and move on. Don't go searching for the problems, deal with them as they come. And do not give up, even if you state it is "having a rest". Satan knows you will never be perfect, and you won't be perfect until the Day.
There are some concerns I'm going to have to put to one side, because the answers will only come with time. But I do feel ready to pick up my guitar again, although I have promised myself, and God, not to for least two weeks - the two weeks which expire Sunday afternoon.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Preparation and Confirmation
Worship this morning:
In Heavenly Armour
My Jesus, My Saviour
Salvation Belongs to our God
Jesus Christ (Once Again)
When I Survey
Something very special happened today - I got blessed. Years ago, I used to be one of those people who would say to God "If this doesn't happen, then I'll..."....and of course it doesn't and I don't.
Nowadays, I try and remember that my yea should always be yea, and whatever I state in front of God, He will require of me. So I was careful with my prayer last night. Lord, I said, I know it's a turning point. I feel I need an answer with regards to WL. I don't think I'm up to it anymore, truth be told, or maybe I think You don't want me there...If I don't get a clear answer, then I am going to have to rethink my position, yes, even leave if that's what You require.
He made it perfectly clear this morning. You stay right where you are. But hand it over to me, lay it on the altar, for two weeks. Yes, it's going to be hard. I never said it was going to be easy. Like silver and gold are refined, I want to refine you.
So, I'm going away, for 4-5 days, to my old haunt, SW London, to see my earthly father, and spend a lot of time with my Heavenly Father. His mercy is sure - He has required this of me for over 2 months, but He allowed me preparation time. He could have struck me down if He willed it, to make sure I obeyed. But now I have to fulfill the promise I made, lay my music on the altar, and wait in his presence. I will basically be alone for at least 3 days, and when I am back home again, replace practice and WL preparation with prayer and reading.
I'm not taking my laptop with me, and I don't think I will go to any internet cafes, or use the hotel computers, I decided it would be too much of a distraction. So this is likely my last post until at least next weekend, or maybe I'll give this a rest too for the two weeks.
I am apprehensive, and perhaps a little scared. What I do know is I'll be in His Hands, and that is enough for me.
In Heavenly Armour
My Jesus, My Saviour
Salvation Belongs to our God
Jesus Christ (Once Again)
When I Survey
Something very special happened today - I got blessed. Years ago, I used to be one of those people who would say to God "If this doesn't happen, then I'll..."....and of course it doesn't and I don't.
Nowadays, I try and remember that my yea should always be yea, and whatever I state in front of God, He will require of me. So I was careful with my prayer last night. Lord, I said, I know it's a turning point. I feel I need an answer with regards to WL. I don't think I'm up to it anymore, truth be told, or maybe I think You don't want me there...If I don't get a clear answer, then I am going to have to rethink my position, yes, even leave if that's what You require.
He made it perfectly clear this morning. You stay right where you are. But hand it over to me, lay it on the altar, for two weeks. Yes, it's going to be hard. I never said it was going to be easy. Like silver and gold are refined, I want to refine you.
So, I'm going away, for 4-5 days, to my old haunt, SW London, to see my earthly father, and spend a lot of time with my Heavenly Father. His mercy is sure - He has required this of me for over 2 months, but He allowed me preparation time. He could have struck me down if He willed it, to make sure I obeyed. But now I have to fulfill the promise I made, lay my music on the altar, and wait in his presence. I will basically be alone for at least 3 days, and when I am back home again, replace practice and WL preparation with prayer and reading.
I'm not taking my laptop with me, and I don't think I will go to any internet cafes, or use the hotel computers, I decided it would be too much of a distraction. So this is likely my last post until at least next weekend, or maybe I'll give this a rest too for the two weeks.
I am apprehensive, and perhaps a little scared. What I do know is I'll be in His Hands, and that is enough for me.
Thursday, 2 February 2012
Feel it in my spirit, feel it in my bones...
Where the worship for Sunday is preplanned, we have a special praise and worship night on Saturday and this will be more spontaneous.
Originally I thought I might be on my own for this, making it very spotaneous, but it's perhaps just as well that I'm not, and have rounded up around 16 or 17 well known hymns/choruses (plus a "surprise" for my church, which may be well known to the other churches invited to this shindig). This has made a sort of "hymn book" of likelies, and this is obviously easier on the musicians to sense the route with me. As I was pairing them up last night (key and theme) and looking at possible "routes" through, I was struck deep down in my spirit.
Just like a lot of Sundays, a theme had emerged, and this wasn't by my own effort; I "chorusstormed" to get thus far (picked choruses that I had a good feeling about). The theme? Revival.
I have always been highly cynical about the subject, oh yeah, yahdeyahdeyahda, great rivival due, lots of talk, no action. Actually, I think that a lot of Christians secretly feel the same way. They don't get angry with God over this, more exasperated with their leaders - after all, they are supposed to be "tuned in".
Something very special is about to occur, I can sense it. I don't know if it's revival, revelation or revolution. I don't know whether to say anything to anybody about this or not....
Originally I thought I might be on my own for this, making it very spotaneous, but it's perhaps just as well that I'm not, and have rounded up around 16 or 17 well known hymns/choruses (plus a "surprise" for my church, which may be well known to the other churches invited to this shindig). This has made a sort of "hymn book" of likelies, and this is obviously easier on the musicians to sense the route with me. As I was pairing them up last night (key and theme) and looking at possible "routes" through, I was struck deep down in my spirit.
Just like a lot of Sundays, a theme had emerged, and this wasn't by my own effort; I "chorusstormed" to get thus far (picked choruses that I had a good feeling about). The theme? Revival.
I have always been highly cynical about the subject, oh yeah, yahdeyahdeyahda, great rivival due, lots of talk, no action. Actually, I think that a lot of Christians secretly feel the same way. They don't get angry with God over this, more exasperated with their leaders - after all, they are supposed to be "tuned in".
Something very special is about to occur, I can sense it. I don't know if it's revival, revelation or revolution. I don't know whether to say anything to anybody about this or not....
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Communication, communication, communication
If there's one thing that really irritates me, it's lack of communication.
Tell people, they will take their part and make proper preparations. Like at my workplace at the moment, for instance. We've got a major "do" in June, and it's being prepared for now.
OK - what's coming up in church is nowhere near as big as my employer's shindig, but every gathering needs preparation.
Yeesh, maybe it's one thing some people never learn. And yet, aren't we told to Prepare?
Lord, give them the gift of foresight, and me, the gift of love and patience, please, else I might just explode.
Tell people, they will take their part and make proper preparations. Like at my workplace at the moment, for instance. We've got a major "do" in June, and it's being prepared for now.
OK - what's coming up in church is nowhere near as big as my employer's shindig, but every gathering needs preparation.
Yeesh, maybe it's one thing some people never learn. And yet, aren't we told to Prepare?
Lord, give them the gift of foresight, and me, the gift of love and patience, please, else I might just explode.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Focus
Today should be a day of reflection, but I haven't really done any of that today. I have actually reflected on the last year for some weeks, I am not the person I was 12 months ago.
No, instead, I've been doing lots of normal stuff, and daft stuff, trying to take my mind off a thorn in the flesh. One that I've had for 7-8 weeks now, and yes, I've asked Him to take it away. Several times. And I will keep asking. It's something that should go away on its own - eventually - but I wonder how much longer I have to endure this. I wonder if I'll be ready for anything that's chucked at me when it is all over. And I like to hope there will be a mighty testimony at the end of it.
Also, as is probably pretty normal, I'm looking to the future. I believe God has asked something of me - and I'm unsure if I can do it. In fact, it was pretty distressing. When it is something that can affect a few people, you should really get confirmation, so I said, OK, if someone confirms it to me, I will do it....or if I feel brave enough I'll do it anyway. Something tells me that God will force my hand if I don't. If it is Him that's asking.
The old me would probably be climbing the walls at this point. I'm just trying to trust.
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Be all else but naught to me, save that Thou art
Be Thou my best thought by the day or the night
Both waking and sleeping, Thy presence my light
Happy New Year, wherever you are.
No, instead, I've been doing lots of normal stuff, and daft stuff, trying to take my mind off a thorn in the flesh. One that I've had for 7-8 weeks now, and yes, I've asked Him to take it away. Several times. And I will keep asking. It's something that should go away on its own - eventually - but I wonder how much longer I have to endure this. I wonder if I'll be ready for anything that's chucked at me when it is all over. And I like to hope there will be a mighty testimony at the end of it.
Also, as is probably pretty normal, I'm looking to the future. I believe God has asked something of me - and I'm unsure if I can do it. In fact, it was pretty distressing. When it is something that can affect a few people, you should really get confirmation, so I said, OK, if someone confirms it to me, I will do it....or if I feel brave enough I'll do it anyway. Something tells me that God will force my hand if I don't. If it is Him that's asking.
The old me would probably be climbing the walls at this point. I'm just trying to trust.
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart
Be all else but naught to me, save that Thou art
Be Thou my best thought by the day or the night
Both waking and sleeping, Thy presence my light
Happy New Year, wherever you are.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
My Shelter from the storm
The choruses this week are very personal, high focus on Jesus' sacrifice affecting the writer of them personally (one of them, I am told, reduces even the writer to tears on occasion whenever they hear it or play it), and the submission of us, the untrusting mortals, into the Potter's Hand, and forever abide in our hearts.
Emotional indeed, and Monday night when I attempted to play them through, I could not. I broke down in tears before the end of each one. Tuesday, I was better. Maybe tonight or tomorrow I can try and focus on the job to be done, rather than making it too personal, else the congregation will have to carry me.
They could well understand, considering what I will be going through that evening. But it isn't the actual baptism itself that I'm apprehensive about (in fact, apprehensive is the wrong word, but will have to do) - putting the jokes about drowning aside and the horrible things that can go wrong....no, I believe it will go perfectly and I have full trust in the baptisers and God. It's the afterwards. It could be difficult to explain - I'm ready for any change that may occur, I've gone with the flow since around April this year and God has been good to me, He isn't going to stop. No, it's how I'm going to affect others around me. It's the not knowing the beyond that bothers me. I know that there will probably be no immediate, dramatic change in me. It is after all, for me, an act of obedience. But of all the testimonies I've read and heard, something happens, if not directly afterwards, fairly soon. I'm excited, but sorry if I leave something behind in the process, something not that I'll regret...but someone else might...
Ugh, I'm making no sense at all. That's because I'm unwilling to write out the full story here. But I will speak to one of the baptists about it, I need some assurance that whatever God gives to me, I can handle.
There are storms outside today, and the last couple of days. Here in the office, and at home, I feel sheltered from them, and spiritually I feel ready...watchful...receptive...open...submissive.
Emotional indeed, and Monday night when I attempted to play them through, I could not. I broke down in tears before the end of each one. Tuesday, I was better. Maybe tonight or tomorrow I can try and focus on the job to be done, rather than making it too personal, else the congregation will have to carry me.
They could well understand, considering what I will be going through that evening. But it isn't the actual baptism itself that I'm apprehensive about (in fact, apprehensive is the wrong word, but will have to do) - putting the jokes about drowning aside and the horrible things that can go wrong....no, I believe it will go perfectly and I have full trust in the baptisers and God. It's the afterwards. It could be difficult to explain - I'm ready for any change that may occur, I've gone with the flow since around April this year and God has been good to me, He isn't going to stop. No, it's how I'm going to affect others around me. It's the not knowing the beyond that bothers me. I know that there will probably be no immediate, dramatic change in me. It is after all, for me, an act of obedience. But of all the testimonies I've read and heard, something happens, if not directly afterwards, fairly soon. I'm excited, but sorry if I leave something behind in the process, something not that I'll regret...but someone else might...
Ugh, I'm making no sense at all. That's because I'm unwilling to write out the full story here. But I will speak to one of the baptists about it, I need some assurance that whatever God gives to me, I can handle.
There are storms outside today, and the last couple of days. Here in the office, and at home, I feel sheltered from them, and spiritually I feel ready...watchful...receptive...open...submissive.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Preparation, preparation, preparation
Worship this morning:
In heavenly armour
I stand amazed in the presence
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
Here I am waiting (eagles wings)
I worship You, Almighty God
Prepare your hearts, prepare your souls, prepare yourselves. The theme for this day, in fact, a theme that's been running in the church for a while. Something big is about to happen, maybe a revival in the area, maybe some refining, whatever, it's going to be big. Testified by a dream one of the regulars had, me stuck in Proverbs 30 for several nights, in the heart of the pastor, and a prophesy we had during service.
Someone started singing I just want to praise You after the official worship had finished, we all sang a capella, then I was moved to play Be Still, even without the words it was wonderful how many of them knew all the words.
Big things about to happen in the church, and our little worship group is playing a part. It makes me feel very insignificant - but I feel very blessed - and our Mighty God is firmly in control.
Oh, and Glory, Hallelujah. I'm introducing a new song next week, a hymn in fact, that is only just barely 5/6 years old. Had confirmation today that at least one other in the group knows it. I would probably have gone ahead even without this, but great I'll have at least one at next week's practice that can help the others learn.
In heavenly armour
I stand amazed in the presence
Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
Here I am waiting (eagles wings)
I worship You, Almighty God
Prepare your hearts, prepare your souls, prepare yourselves. The theme for this day, in fact, a theme that's been running in the church for a while. Something big is about to happen, maybe a revival in the area, maybe some refining, whatever, it's going to be big. Testified by a dream one of the regulars had, me stuck in Proverbs 30 for several nights, in the heart of the pastor, and a prophesy we had during service.
Someone started singing I just want to praise You after the official worship had finished, we all sang a capella, then I was moved to play Be Still, even without the words it was wonderful how many of them knew all the words.
Big things about to happen in the church, and our little worship group is playing a part. It makes me feel very insignificant - but I feel very blessed - and our Mighty God is firmly in control.
Oh, and Glory, Hallelujah. I'm introducing a new song next week, a hymn in fact, that is only just barely 5/6 years old. Had confirmation today that at least one other in the group knows it. I would probably have gone ahead even without this, but great I'll have at least one at next week's practice that can help the others learn.
Wednesday, 5 October 2011
urk!*
Hmm. Bit late with testing out the choruses this week, and all I can say is...."urk!"*
I could
a) Change them all (urk!*)
b) Ask the group, such as it is, to bring all chord sheets/music etc that we have done in recent weeks, throw them in a heap and see what comes out (urk!*)
c) Leave it to God and pray
c) seems the best option, not that I am particularly good at multiple choice.
I have an annoying headache that won't go away, so maybe because I am not firing on all cylinders it will all seem a lot better tomorrow.
The service is being turned on its head this week, the worship will be at the end. Communion this week, I have been asked if I would consider playing a chorus during this, or PA man will play a CD. The pastor made a suggestion, initially I thought "erhmmerr"** but I played it this evening and Bossman gave it the thumbs up (I know, because I feel it cut right into my heartstrings), so I said "OK Boss" and that one is in. Whether I play it solo or not is up to the group.
* urk - a corruption of irksome. The reaction to a rather irksome or troublesome problem that a mere mortal cannot possibly fathom, coupled with the fear that it could all go horribly wrong. However, this word is only the equivalent of DEFCON1.
** erhmmerr - a disgruntled, rather negative reaction. Shame on me.
I could
a) Change them all (urk!*)
b) Ask the group, such as it is, to bring all chord sheets/music etc that we have done in recent weeks, throw them in a heap and see what comes out (urk!*)
c) Leave it to God and pray
c) seems the best option, not that I am particularly good at multiple choice.
I have an annoying headache that won't go away, so maybe because I am not firing on all cylinders it will all seem a lot better tomorrow.
The service is being turned on its head this week, the worship will be at the end. Communion this week, I have been asked if I would consider playing a chorus during this, or PA man will play a CD. The pastor made a suggestion, initially I thought "erhmmerr"** but I played it this evening and Bossman gave it the thumbs up (I know, because I feel it cut right into my heartstrings), so I said "OK Boss" and that one is in. Whether I play it solo or not is up to the group.
* urk - a corruption of irksome. The reaction to a rather irksome or troublesome problem that a mere mortal cannot possibly fathom, coupled with the fear that it could all go horribly wrong. However, this word is only the equivalent of DEFCON1.
** erhmmerr - a disgruntled, rather negative reaction. Shame on me.
Thursday, 1 September 2011
Chorusstorming
It's like brainstorming, only you're looking for choruses and hymns.
If you know the sermon is more specific, you find a webpage on the subject, or you look at the chapter in the Bible. You then write down every single chorus or hymn that comes to mind as you're reading.
I would say, try not to be too obvious, else it could end up cliched. An extreme example would be The Lord's my Shepherd when the sermon is on Psalm 23. Think about what Psalm 23 is saying, so, faith and trust, and think about choruses that invoke faith and trust.
The church is starting a "series" of sermons, and so far, I've gathered about 9 "chorusstorming". I'll definitely try this again.
If you know the sermon is more specific, you find a webpage on the subject, or you look at the chapter in the Bible. You then write down every single chorus or hymn that comes to mind as you're reading.
I would say, try not to be too obvious, else it could end up cliched. An extreme example would be The Lord's my Shepherd when the sermon is on Psalm 23. Think about what Psalm 23 is saying, so, faith and trust, and think about choruses that invoke faith and trust.
The church is starting a "series" of sermons, and so far, I've gathered about 9 "chorusstorming". I'll definitely try this again.
Monday, 29 August 2011
Sing Hosanna
I am taking singing lessons now, and I'm confident my tutor can help me reach those elusive D, E and F5s, without the horrible warbles and squeaks.
I'm an alto, which is actually quite awkward in my position. I am quite happy to sing around F3-A5 all day, but a congregation wouldn't. So you need to achieve as close as possible to the perfect key, you can't lead by squeaking, or groaning.
Unfortunately, the leaders who wrote most hymns and choruses want to produce a song in a key which generates the most sound - and this would be soprano for the women, bass/baritone for the men. Beautiful effect, but just like women are not all size 10 and not all men have size 14 feet, most untrained singers are comfortable C4-to C5, and you then need to find the key to suit you, and the congregation.
Difficult task.
This week I had to bring down two songs which are normally in G to Eb. This can of course, cause problems to musicians, but this week is just me, the other guitar and the clarinet (who has to transpose anyway, in this case, I think it's F). Darlene Zschech, inspired writer, but my gosh she does like to use B4-F5 frequently, and this makes transposing a minefield. I had to bring one of hers down to F, but this caused a note as low as F3. Needs must, sometimes. You can, of course, with a well known song, allow the congregation and your support to carry you sometimes, but there's a danger of the congregation taking over. At times like that I hand it to God, knowing He has it in control, even if my voice is losing it.
I'm an alto, which is actually quite awkward in my position. I am quite happy to sing around F3-A5 all day, but a congregation wouldn't. So you need to achieve as close as possible to the perfect key, you can't lead by squeaking, or groaning.
Unfortunately, the leaders who wrote most hymns and choruses want to produce a song in a key which generates the most sound - and this would be soprano for the women, bass/baritone for the men. Beautiful effect, but just like women are not all size 10 and not all men have size 14 feet, most untrained singers are comfortable C4-to C5, and you then need to find the key to suit you, and the congregation.
Difficult task.
This week I had to bring down two songs which are normally in G to Eb. This can of course, cause problems to musicians, but this week is just me, the other guitar and the clarinet (who has to transpose anyway, in this case, I think it's F). Darlene Zschech, inspired writer, but my gosh she does like to use B4-F5 frequently, and this makes transposing a minefield. I had to bring one of hers down to F, but this caused a note as low as F3. Needs must, sometimes. You can, of course, with a well known song, allow the congregation and your support to carry you sometimes, but there's a danger of the congregation taking over. At times like that I hand it to God, knowing He has it in control, even if my voice is losing it.
Sunday, 28 August 2011
A different sort of service
Main worship:
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
In Heavenly Armour
I, the Lord of Sea and Sky
Jesus, my Strength
Post communion:
Be still
Usually, the music starts lively, and winds down with prayers somewhere in the middle.
Sometimes the Spirit leads differently. I picked these songs a little over a week ago, and the template for my thinking usually goes thus:
This week's could have ended up being rather long; note 3 "hymn" type ones which played together we could have ended up leaving church about tea time if we had really got going. Instead, the leader was inspired to split Be Still away and have it after Communion. It ended up being structured beautifully.
I had no idea what was being spoken about this morning, but you can probably see the theme was "strength". From a vision at Bible Study, which was a galloping horse, and weakness apparent in the congregation, the sermon which was on provision (feeding the 5000) - they ended up being perfect choices - but I had no idea of the weakness in the congregation, and I didn't know the sermon theme.
Next week - I daren't even blog it, not yet. Songs are picked, theme has emerged, I'm off to listen to and play them. And then pray that the message is right.
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
In Heavenly Armour
I, the Lord of Sea and Sky
Jesus, my Strength
Post communion:
Be still
Usually, the music starts lively, and winds down with prayers somewhere in the middle.
Sometimes the Spirit leads differently. I picked these songs a little over a week ago, and the template for my thinking usually goes thus:
- An idea of the theme from whomever is speaking - sometimes I will know in advance, sometimes not
- A song will come to mind from above. It may be a hymn or chorus, may be praise or worship
- If I have no idea of the theme, a song is invariably forefront on my mind, or I look through my SOFs and database until I get that "pang" - that one.
- After that, I will consider the other members' requests and ideas and see if one or more of them fit in
- From that I can see whether I am missing anything from usual format: 2 lively praise ones, a winding down, and 2 worship
- I gather potential candidates and see how they fit together
- The songs get picked and I get to work with Musescore, chord sheets etc
- I "play" them together in Musescore, play about with keys, then play them myself
This week's could have ended up being rather long; note 3 "hymn" type ones which played together we could have ended up leaving church about tea time if we had really got going. Instead, the leader was inspired to split Be Still away and have it after Communion. It ended up being structured beautifully.
I had no idea what was being spoken about this morning, but you can probably see the theme was "strength". From a vision at Bible Study, which was a galloping horse, and weakness apparent in the congregation, the sermon which was on provision (feeding the 5000) - they ended up being perfect choices - but I had no idea of the weakness in the congregation, and I didn't know the sermon theme.
Next week - I daren't even blog it, not yet. Songs are picked, theme has emerged, I'm off to listen to and play them. And then pray that the message is right.
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