Pain

If I could sum the last week up!

Couldn't do my normal post on Sunday - I have no internet access from home.  Also, my sore tooth did not get any better and had to go back to the dentist for antibiotics.  I prayed for healing, but I do believe I know the reason why nothing happened as quickly as I hoped, and as a result I have made a life-changing decision.  When the week is over, I hope that the last week's struggle, and the last 24 hours, will turn into a testimony to glorify God and kick Satan up his backside.

Anyway.

Worship on Sunday:

O Lord Our God (We will Magnify)
Oh to See the Dawn
Into Your Hands
Jesus, You are Changing Me

Shortened, to allow for longer message.  I was in tears before "Into Your Hands" I felt so rough, I had to drag my way through it, trusting in the Spirit to carry me.  I went straight home after the service was over, for the first time in I don't know how many weeks (I usually like the fellowship with a cup of tea) but I really didn't feel sociable.

Later, as I reflected, I remembered all the positive things from the morning.  Speaker said the choruses were perfect (and he's one for speaking his mind, and truthfully, no bias).  Although I was in tears at various points, after the end of Changing Me I went back to the bridge and chorus of Into Your Hands.  Singing in tongues.  The feeling of not being there, that it wasn't me playing, that me and the congregation were around The Throne of Grace.....and what picture did one of the congregation have after worship?  A picture of all of us, in normal everyday clothes, around the glassy sea....as for me, I knew that dark forces were trying to steal my joy, all I could do was stand up there, play, direct the worship to the Throne Room of God, despite what I felt inside, despite the pain...this was, truly, a sacrifice of praise.  But He was expecting more, which I discovered Monday.  Maybe I'll explain another time.

Back to Thursday.  Had a great time in practice.  Only three of us, and we got through it pretty speedily, so we practiced Through Our God We Shall Do Valiantly (it was in the original order, but was the one that got dropped to shorten the worship - we will probably do later this month), the Tersanctus version of Holy, Holy and Tell Out My Soul.  It was actually fun, but I find practice always invigorates and encourages me.  And, during the weekend, managed to work out next week's, with ideas for the week after - but frustratingly unable to communicate these ideas or the music to the group.  Methinks I will have a lot of printing to do tomorrow night, unless we get the internet back before then...I found an old, forgotten chorus that goes beautifully with a fairly new chorus (and in the same key), which gave me the shivers as I practiced them together....thank You, Holy Spirit for the development of the group and Your gift to me...

Also, I started a Powerpoint database of songs so that the group can be truly mobile without any tedious restrictions as to what we can play.  If the Spirit wants us to play a certain chorus (hopefully one we've practiced before) we will be able to, if I give PA man the file beforehand.  Have projector and laptop ready, click on Index, find alphabetically listed song....done.  May sound obvious and simple to you perhaps, but for a young church this is cutting edge.  Praise God that this is the sort of thing I am really good at; finding solutions and using resources to the best of my ability.

All in all, my personal problems seem minor.  I just need to get through the next few days without succumbing to temptation....but succumb to the Refiner's Fire.