I wasn't sure how I'd cope during the "guitar fast" or "WL fast" if you like (actually, despite best intentions, the WL duty has clicked in again - you can take the girl out of Worship Leading, but...)
Of course the first 5 days were easy. I was away. Last weekend was fine too. This weekend though, yeeeesh. It started Thursday night, when Bossman put in a request (two actually) for Sunday 25th, I then started thinking of the other three that could go round it, then still further thinking about the following weekend (there's another "do" on), which I chorusstormed for a little while ago. Fatal, I started looking through the chorusstorm list and realised that God had put a theme in to it, in fact a theme for the next two weeks, and now I'm itching to pick it up again, arg.
But I knew He had a message for me, and I am going to remain faithful. In fact, part of the message (or maybe it's all of it, and He's waiting for it to sink in properly) has already been revealed, and it's a bit of a chastise. The Sunday speaker, a couple of weeks back, spoke of the Refiner's Fire, and oh man do I feel I've had some of that lately.
But...bring it on. I don't think I've ever felt as good as I do now.
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Thursday, 15 March 2012
As it comes
After fellowship with a couple who have become good friends, I feel more focussed, more confident and better equipped, in particular, my attitude is improving. And my sense of humour is coming back. This can only be a good thing. Or not, depending upon how you view my sense of humour.
He liked my analogy of the headwind of my own making. If you experience that again, he said, invite Jesus into your boat, deal with it, and move on. Don't go searching for the problems, deal with them as they come. And do not give up, even if you state it is "having a rest". Satan knows you will never be perfect, and you won't be perfect until the Day.
There are some concerns I'm going to have to put to one side, because the answers will only come with time. But I do feel ready to pick up my guitar again, although I have promised myself, and God, not to for least two weeks - the two weeks which expire Sunday afternoon.
He liked my analogy of the headwind of my own making. If you experience that again, he said, invite Jesus into your boat, deal with it, and move on. Don't go searching for the problems, deal with them as they come. And do not give up, even if you state it is "having a rest". Satan knows you will never be perfect, and you won't be perfect until the Day.
There are some concerns I'm going to have to put to one side, because the answers will only come with time. But I do feel ready to pick up my guitar again, although I have promised myself, and God, not to for least two weeks - the two weeks which expire Sunday afternoon.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
Rough and smooth
Here I am, back again with just my reflections for company.
I returned Friday, feeling somewhat...changed...
But Sunday I threw such an almighty hissy fit over something that later on in the day I was just so so ashamed. Mega repentance, mega knee time.
Then I received a message about some stuff that went on in my absence - and my first reactions? Resentment, jealousy, fear...
There is no place for such emotions and reactions in my life, as human as they are, at least they shouldn't be my first, gut reactions. It's made me think that I need to seek honesty from one, maybe two people before I decide what move I'm going to make next.
Last couple of days, after some more repentance and prayer, I've felt much better, but I'm still so uncertain. Yet God warned me this would happen. One of the last passages I read before coming home was in Mark's Gospel, when Jesus walks on water with the disciples fighting against a headwind...
...I came home to that headwind, one of my own making. This could be a serious turning point, or maybe I'm blowing it out of all proportion.
Need to find out which. And soon. Time will be up before I know it.
I returned Friday, feeling somewhat...changed...
But Sunday I threw such an almighty hissy fit over something that later on in the day I was just so so ashamed. Mega repentance, mega knee time.
Then I received a message about some stuff that went on in my absence - and my first reactions? Resentment, jealousy, fear...
There is no place for such emotions and reactions in my life, as human as they are, at least they shouldn't be my first, gut reactions. It's made me think that I need to seek honesty from one, maybe two people before I decide what move I'm going to make next.
Last couple of days, after some more repentance and prayer, I've felt much better, but I'm still so uncertain. Yet God warned me this would happen. One of the last passages I read before coming home was in Mark's Gospel, when Jesus walks on water with the disciples fighting against a headwind...
...I came home to that headwind, one of my own making. This could be a serious turning point, or maybe I'm blowing it out of all proportion.
Need to find out which. And soon. Time will be up before I know it.
Sunday, 4 March 2012
Preparation and Confirmation
Worship this morning:
In Heavenly Armour
My Jesus, My Saviour
Salvation Belongs to our God
Jesus Christ (Once Again)
When I Survey
Something very special happened today - I got blessed. Years ago, I used to be one of those people who would say to God "If this doesn't happen, then I'll..."....and of course it doesn't and I don't.
Nowadays, I try and remember that my yea should always be yea, and whatever I state in front of God, He will require of me. So I was careful with my prayer last night. Lord, I said, I know it's a turning point. I feel I need an answer with regards to WL. I don't think I'm up to it anymore, truth be told, or maybe I think You don't want me there...If I don't get a clear answer, then I am going to have to rethink my position, yes, even leave if that's what You require.
He made it perfectly clear this morning. You stay right where you are. But hand it over to me, lay it on the altar, for two weeks. Yes, it's going to be hard. I never said it was going to be easy. Like silver and gold are refined, I want to refine you.
So, I'm going away, for 4-5 days, to my old haunt, SW London, to see my earthly father, and spend a lot of time with my Heavenly Father. His mercy is sure - He has required this of me for over 2 months, but He allowed me preparation time. He could have struck me down if He willed it, to make sure I obeyed. But now I have to fulfill the promise I made, lay my music on the altar, and wait in his presence. I will basically be alone for at least 3 days, and when I am back home again, replace practice and WL preparation with prayer and reading.
I'm not taking my laptop with me, and I don't think I will go to any internet cafes, or use the hotel computers, I decided it would be too much of a distraction. So this is likely my last post until at least next weekend, or maybe I'll give this a rest too for the two weeks.
I am apprehensive, and perhaps a little scared. What I do know is I'll be in His Hands, and that is enough for me.
In Heavenly Armour
My Jesus, My Saviour
Salvation Belongs to our God
Jesus Christ (Once Again)
When I Survey
Something very special happened today - I got blessed. Years ago, I used to be one of those people who would say to God "If this doesn't happen, then I'll..."....and of course it doesn't and I don't.
Nowadays, I try and remember that my yea should always be yea, and whatever I state in front of God, He will require of me. So I was careful with my prayer last night. Lord, I said, I know it's a turning point. I feel I need an answer with regards to WL. I don't think I'm up to it anymore, truth be told, or maybe I think You don't want me there...If I don't get a clear answer, then I am going to have to rethink my position, yes, even leave if that's what You require.
He made it perfectly clear this morning. You stay right where you are. But hand it over to me, lay it on the altar, for two weeks. Yes, it's going to be hard. I never said it was going to be easy. Like silver and gold are refined, I want to refine you.
So, I'm going away, for 4-5 days, to my old haunt, SW London, to see my earthly father, and spend a lot of time with my Heavenly Father. His mercy is sure - He has required this of me for over 2 months, but He allowed me preparation time. He could have struck me down if He willed it, to make sure I obeyed. But now I have to fulfill the promise I made, lay my music on the altar, and wait in his presence. I will basically be alone for at least 3 days, and when I am back home again, replace practice and WL preparation with prayer and reading.
I'm not taking my laptop with me, and I don't think I will go to any internet cafes, or use the hotel computers, I decided it would be too much of a distraction. So this is likely my last post until at least next weekend, or maybe I'll give this a rest too for the two weeks.
I am apprehensive, and perhaps a little scared. What I do know is I'll be in His Hands, and that is enough for me.
Friday, 2 March 2012
One Word Reflections
Revelation. Truth. Countenance. Presence. Worship. Knees. Alone. Elijah. Elisha. Moses. Samuel. Jehoshaphat. Friday. Fellowship. Prayer. Journey. Apprehension. Anticipation.
May seem meaningless to you. Mean a whole lot to me.
May seem meaningless to you. Mean a whole lot to me.
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
And in other news
Gonna stop being a Jeremiah - for a while at least.
When I first got my mp3 player late last summer I heaped loads of stuff onto it. It's a Holy, Sanctified, mp3 player. It has never had a secular track on it. I won't say it is blame free as there just might be debatable doctrine on it. But it has become a resource (as was the plan at the beginning) and even now, with it on "random shuffle" I'm hearing tracks not heard before by me, or not for ages (there's approx 36 hours play time on it) and I'm going ohmanohmanohman have to do this one.
Needless to say, I'm probably driving my bandmates up the wall with such behaviour. But they do love me. Well at least I hope so.
Anyway, this random ripping took its toll, insofar that the tags were all over the show. So I've spent the last few weeks re-doing all the tags, something that some may see as akin to cleaning bathroom grout with a toothbrush. Strangely satisfying, but technically frustrating/boring. Just finished, in time for the, whisper, {coming apart}. Er-hem.
Perhaps the most irritating part of all this was the Kingsway tags on the various commercial CD's I've bought from them. Take SOF 5 f'r'instance. One CD has 3 tracks with lower case titles, the rest show a title of Track 4, Track 5 etc, with absolutely nothing on the tags to state what it is and who it is by. Another CD has been tagged pretty much perfectly. The other suffers from lower case syndrome.
Why, when they were in the same box were they tagged completely differently? Well, this just takes my mind off other things I suppose...
When I first got my mp3 player late last summer I heaped loads of stuff onto it. It's a Holy, Sanctified, mp3 player. It has never had a secular track on it. I won't say it is blame free as there just might be debatable doctrine on it. But it has become a resource (as was the plan at the beginning) and even now, with it on "random shuffle" I'm hearing tracks not heard before by me, or not for ages (there's approx 36 hours play time on it) and I'm going ohmanohmanohman have to do this one.
Needless to say, I'm probably driving my bandmates up the wall with such behaviour. But they do love me. Well at least I hope so.
Anyway, this random ripping took its toll, insofar that the tags were all over the show. So I've spent the last few weeks re-doing all the tags, something that some may see as akin to cleaning bathroom grout with a toothbrush. Strangely satisfying, but technically frustrating/boring. Just finished, in time for the, whisper, {coming apart}. Er-hem.
Perhaps the most irritating part of all this was the Kingsway tags on the various commercial CD's I've bought from them. Take SOF 5 f'r'instance. One CD has 3 tracks with lower case titles, the rest show a title of Track 4, Track 5 etc, with absolutely nothing on the tags to state what it is and who it is by. Another CD has been tagged pretty much perfectly. The other suffers from lower case syndrome.
Why, when they were in the same box were they tagged completely differently? Well, this just takes my mind off other things I suppose...
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Countdown
Worship this morning:
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Jesus, All for Jesus
Into Your Hand
Typical Lent hymn, coupled with some choruses that talk of yearning and commitment...hmm, I think the Spirit is trying to get through to me as much as He is the congregation. Message was brilliant today, based on Luke 6.
Bossman commented "You seem better today", I replied that I have good and bad days, today was a Good Day, in fact it's been a good weekend.
It isn't the full picture - I cried as if my heart would break Thursday and Friday night. I still don't fully understand why. A doctor might diagnose stress or even depression, but I think it's just a deep yearning for next week...
...but I want the day to arrive, and not to arrive...at the same time.
I completed a Musescore transcription today, probably the last for at least 3 weeks. I wonder how I will cope at Thursday night practice? Or am I just blowing all of this out of proportion...again?
Jesus, Hope of the Nations
Open the Eyes of my Heart, Lord
Great is Thy Faithfulness
Jesus, All for Jesus
Into Your Hand
Typical Lent hymn, coupled with some choruses that talk of yearning and commitment...hmm, I think the Spirit is trying to get through to me as much as He is the congregation. Message was brilliant today, based on Luke 6.
Bossman commented "You seem better today", I replied that I have good and bad days, today was a Good Day, in fact it's been a good weekend.
It isn't the full picture - I cried as if my heart would break Thursday and Friday night. I still don't fully understand why. A doctor might diagnose stress or even depression, but I think it's just a deep yearning for next week...
...but I want the day to arrive, and not to arrive...at the same time.
I completed a Musescore transcription today, probably the last for at least 3 weeks. I wonder how I will cope at Thursday night practice? Or am I just blowing all of this out of proportion...again?
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