Hello all you happy people

No.

Daren't do it.

I just daren't get..excited...over this week's choruses.

There's a certain amount of anticipation and excitement over the returning flute and clarinet, I've missed both of them and it will be great to fellowship with them for a bit.

But excited over what has been put forward....I just daren't...

My SOH says that it's OK to expect, in fact you need to expect, because without expectation there is no faith.  But something deep down inside of me:

• Expects the worst so there is no disappointment (crappy crappy crappy attitude I have to shift)
• Reticent in expecting something good happening as it's a long way to fall if it all goes horribly wrong (related to above)
• Somehow thinks it's somewhat worldly to think that way.  After all, I'm just the instrument?  The clay?  The wood to be crafted?

So confused.  Something in my past has made me the first two.  I think I know what, in fact it's a mixture of occurences in my life which engendered an attitude of "The only one I can trust/call on is myself - and even then I've sometimes got the ansafone on."  So I turned to Jesus.  One I can trust.  Who never switches to Voicemail.  Hence attitude 3 which has seemed to have become resigned to the first two attitudes....

...or has it?  The battle is mine, saith the Lord.  I believe He'll win it.  Might just get me being "undignified".