My Shelter from the storm

The choruses this week are very personal, high focus on Jesus' sacrifice affecting the writer of them personally (one of them, I am told, reduces even the writer to tears on occasion whenever they hear it or play it), and the submission of us, the untrusting mortals, into the Potter's Hand, and forever abide in our hearts.

Emotional indeed, and Monday night when I attempted to play them through, I could not.  I broke down in tears before the end of each one. Tuesday, I was better.  Maybe tonight or tomorrow I can try and focus on the job to be done, rather than making it too personal, else the congregation will have to carry me.

They could well understand, considering what I will be going through that evening.  But it isn't the actual baptism itself that I'm apprehensive about (in fact, apprehensive is the wrong word, but will have to do) - putting the jokes about drowning aside and the horrible things that can go wrong....no, I believe it will go perfectly and I have full trust in the baptisers and God.  It's the afterwards.  It could be difficult to explain - I'm ready for any change that may occur, I've gone with the flow since around April this year and God has been good to me, He isn't going to stop.  No, it's how I'm going to affect others around me.  It's the not knowing the beyond that bothers me.  I know that there will probably be no immediate, dramatic change in me.  It is after all, for me, an act of obedience.  But of all the testimonies I've read and heard, something happens, if not directly afterwards, fairly soon.  I'm excited, but sorry if I leave something behind in the process, something not that I'll regret...but someone else might...

Ugh, I'm making no sense at all.  That's because I'm unwilling to write out the full story here.  But I will speak to one of the baptists about it, I need some assurance that whatever God gives to me, I can handle.

There are storms outside today, and the last couple of days.  Here in the office, and at home, I feel sheltered from them, and spiritually I feel ready...watchful...receptive...open...submissive.