Slow to wrath

OK.  So I get a phone call from the same person as last week.

I didn't lose my temper this time.  Result.

But you know when you repeat yourself over and over again, because the person doesn't believe you?

"That is all that is written."

"Nothing else?"

"Nothing else."

"No extra notices or signposts or words?"

"Nothing else."

"Nothing mentioning X, Y or Z?"

"Nothing else."  Hey, I was polite, but if speech could be bolded and underlined, you would have perceived that listening to me.

Finally, the person gives up and I guess this isn't the end of the chapter, but please God he doesn't phone up asking the same question, but I get someone who believes what I say.

But this is the problem with the human race - we just don't believe or trust one another, and frankly, whether you believe the Garden of Eden was literal or an analogy, can you really blame us?

This has got my mood somewhere in the region of "Pffffftt" and got me thinking about the stuff that has really been bugging me...

...and I then hated myself for allowing them to bug me.  This Saturday, and the following Saturday, yes, I'm ready for them, or at least I know that God wants me to do them, and that means it will go OK as long as I'm doing it for Him.  But I'm starting to question again whether I'm ready for Sundays.

Kingsway 10th July

Title: All Glory
First Line: How great is Your love
Artist: Nikki Fletcher
Composer: Nikki Fletcher, Tim Hughes, Martin Smith
Album: All Glory/Spirit Break Out
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF 5

My thoughts: Okay, okay I know, and I've said, we shouldn't moan as these are free after all, but this is yet another repeat from Kingsway.  Even if it is the sainted Hughes and Smith again out of the Worship Central stable.  Checking up on this though, I noticed that it was as long ago as October when this was put up on Kingsway, so maybe I can forgive them.  This one is....okay.  I like it, and the Hughes and Smith influence is obvious.  Not sure I like the rather gushy description on Kingsway, but I guess if the secular world can't appreciate Christian talent, Kingsway is just going to have to do the job.  I'll even admit to liking her voice, and it's probably about time I bought Spirit Break Out, because I've liked what I've heard from it so far.  Yes, I am in a funny mood today.  Maybe I'll talk about it tomorrow.

This song is available on Kingsway from today until 16th July inc.  To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.  Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too.  If I state, in the general information shown above, that it is available on the usual CCL licence, it probably is, but the only One you can fully trust is YAHWEH, so for His sake at least, check out my info as it may be duff.  Please don't sue me if I've got it wrong.   Thanks.

Relaxed, but overwhelmed with love

Wonderful taste of what could be in church this morning.  I'll say no more than that.

I was comfortable as a member of the congregation.  I didn't feel weird or out of position, I was just worshipping my God in spirit and truth.  It was a very relaxed service too, not always following the scheduled songs.  I sung one a cappella and everyone joined in...you can take the girl away from worship leading, but you can't take the worship leader out of the girl.  Felt terrific, but I thought how members of the cong can also be worship leaders, without taking away the authority from the one in the front.  I'm going to think on that one a bit.

A chat with my friend (who is also temporarily in charge for a few weeks) and we've agreed I will concentrate on the other event next weekend, and resume Sundays the week after.  That said - I had a request made of me for the following weekend...

I am a bit overwhelmed with the blessings, and the duties God is requiring of me.  Can I by my own strength?  No, but I can by His.

I also confided in my friend my spiritual issues, particularly this burden I appear to have for my predecessor.  You need to keep praying for them, they said.  That I can do, I just feel so helpless, though.  Why are they weighing so heavy?  Well, just maybe that's because God needs me to provide strength for one that is weak, and yet when I think of words to describe them, weak isn't one of them.

Maybe this situation is an exception.  Something else to think on.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Yesterday, I had a Bad Day.

Basically, it started with a phone call that got me angry and I lost my temper with the caller.  I was very remorseful later, such is the nature of the phone call I cannot call them back to apologise, I'll have to wait for them to call me.  But I said I was sorry to God, and I prayed a bit more honesty to Him last night, and today...

...today I was feeling better about things.  There is still something there though...what is it that is dragging me down?

I listed all my niggles to God, thinking all these were part of the whole.  I've taken to writing down what I feel He is telling me, in the hope that it is a puzzle I have to solve, a treasure hunt.  I think it is actually, as I get closer to an answer I try not to feel frustrated.  (I have a term I call 'bark through the wire' when I seem to get close to something but don't quite get it.  It comes from the character Fiver in the book Watership Down.)

Then, today, whilst watching the tennis (which wasn't doing my blood pressure any good at all, and Sunday will be worse...Fed or Murray, what a choice) I got a phone call...

...seems that there's an important meeting planned next week, not for my church, but for another Christian organisation in the area, and they are without a worship leader.  Their normal worship leader is going through some horrible troubles at the moment.  In fact, this worship leader was my predecessor...  I was astounded, honoured even that I was the first person thought of, are me and the other WL the only WL's in the area?  Or am I just doing myself down again?  But duty kicked in.  I don't know whether I'm ready to lead worship, by my own strength.  God has offered this incredible opportunity, I cannot turn it down.  My church has backup, it seems this particular setup doesn't.

I was still digesting this overwhelming blessing, and then during Bible study, I finally got the revelation I was waiting for.  It isn't all the little things bringing me down.  It's the one Big Thing with my predecessor.  Am I angry with God?  Or confused that such things can happen to such good people?  That we have to go through it sometimes, but must that person go through it again (yes, they've been through similar before) ?

And then I remember, he delivers us in, not always from...

And Bible study was all about trials and tribulations and how God wants to refine us.  Oh man, even in my darkest hour I still seem to be in tune with what's going on.

I must

Praise Him in everything that's going on, for only then can healing begin
Pray into everything that is troubling me
Pray for His heart and His compassion

I still don't know when I'm going back to Sunday worship, but thankfully the person that is effectively "in charge" over the next few weeks I consider a close friend, and understands me deeply.  This helps with the "phasing back in" process (gosh that sounds clinical, I know what I mean)

..and tonight, whilst eating my dinner, God, just to remind me who's in charge, had "When the Music Fades" play on the radio.  The anthem of ten thousand times ten thousand and thousand and thousand Worship Leaders.  Yes, I wept.  And I remembered.  Thank You God.

In the furnace..

The other day, I read a very good sermon given by a guy called John Ortberg (I really should read more of him.  He is very inciteful, honest and witty.  He wrote If You Want To Walk On Water You Have To Get Out Of The Boat).  He was talking about going through trials and he used the account of the fiery furnace; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.

I'm sure you know the story.  They were ordered to bow down to idols else be thrown into the furnace, they said no, besides our God can deliver us from the furnace and even if He doesn't, we will not worship your false gods.  Nebu got rather angry at this, got the furnace hotter than the very pits of hell and it consumed some of those who were throwing them in.  But they saw them in the midst of the furnace, unbound, and a fourth person with them.  (Probably Jesus, says Ortberg.  He's probably right.)

He made a very important point.  They were not delivered from the furnace, they were delivered in the furnace.

Perhaps when I pray and I'm feeling that I'm facing a difficult choice - in my case it seems the flames or the wilderness - I should remember He delivers me in both.

I've added the set of sermons which includes this, to my booklist, on the right.  On Amazon, it is only available for the Kindle, but there may be some printed copies elsewhere.

Kingsway 3 July

Title: God is Love
First Line: Love the Lord with all your heart
Artist: Nick and Becky Drake
Composer: Nick and Becky Drake
Album: Unique
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Can't confirm
Popular sources: None

My thoughts: Strangely, Kingsway have got the links the wrong way round this week (clicking on the mp3 link gives you the pdf file, and vice versa) but this is just me getting distracted.  On first listen I thought, aha another cutsie chorus that is annoyingly catchy, on second listen I thought, yep, I was right.  It's an okay chorus, I'll probably add to the list and maybe even play it on my guitar once in a while, but I can't see it becoming huge, it's a little too simple for that.  Although.  Stranger things have happened.  Write things off, they only get written back on again.  And as I've said, I am rather over critical of female singers generally, and perhaps I should repent of that.

This song is available on Kingsway from today until 10th July inc.  To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.  Although this is free, gratis, without charge etc etc, please bear in mind that all rights are still reserved and you need all the usual permissions, and/or a worship song license to record/project/reproduce in church and quite right too.

..given some time to think...

Some of the fuss has died down at work, and although I was proud to be part of a major project, it's good to be back to normal - all over bar the debrief.

I may have just been tired yesterday, I think I now have an inkling of the expression "dead on your feet", but I was grateful that I wasn't involved with church in any way yesterday.  Is this sad, indicative of the way my heart is at the moment, or is God keeping me focussed on rest?  I didn't even go, for the first time since March, although I was awake in time.  I lay awake for an hour to hour and a half, thinking about nothing, or sometimes thinking about Jude and Revelation - finally after nearly 18 months I'm in the last book of the Bible and I find it incredible that both books contain stuff that I have been thinking about lately.  No - not really end time prophecy, although I think all humans have a secret fascination of this, despite them telling themselves and others "It's in God's hands" (just make sure the fascination doesn't turn into preoccupation, that's a pit of snakes) - more to do with the church's attitude, thoughts of false prophets and the warnings to the 7 churches...

Over the weekend, a couple of special things were on involving some of the churches in North Wales, but I haven't heard any feedback so I even wonder if it was special enough to warrant the grapevine.  I could ask I suppose, but this kind of apathy is fairly typical - whether it was good or bad I would probably have to ask and I would be told something positive, and I think if it was that good why didn't you tell others?  If you can't tell your fellow brethren, what does that say for the unbelievers?  Or maybe it just wasn't that good.  But let's try and be honest with each other.

I've tried to lay it on the line, been honest with God, because let's face it, God can see right through you, He made you.  In a nutshell - I'm sick of the apathy.  Not just towards worship, and not just our church.  Just all round apathy.  They say all the right things in church, and maybe to fellow Christians who attended the same service.  But they don't share with others outside, and certainly not with other churches.  Why why why why are we being so precious about the gospel and our programmes?  We really are, at best, an army of Jonahs, or at worst, a bunch of Laodiceans.

I'm looking for an answer, and I don't even know the question.  I'm just as bad as all of them.  And we believe in Revival?