Title: Great I Am
First Line: I want to be close
Artist: New Life Worship
Composer: Jared Anderson
Album: The Narrow Road
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: This was offered by Kingsway back in January (my gosh the year has flown). I'm afraid I don't have a lot to say about this one, other than...it's OK but not, in my opinion, great. I find it a little dreary rather than worshippy, but might appeal to the ministry times of the service, or perhaps I'm just being a boring old Anglican again. (New running joke with me.) Still, I haven't removed it from my mp3 player since January, so I've a) ignored it, b) can't bring myself to delete it, or c) something inside me is seeing some value in it. I hope it's the latter...
This song is available on Kingsway from
today until 6th November inc. To access, you must logon; or register
with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but
they are not serial spammers.
Tuesday, 30 October 2012
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Location, location, location
I, like many people, like "searching for property" programs on the TV and I also like Grand Designs.
I think it's something to do with our inerrant nosiness. It isn't so much the finding, its the having a good look about somebody else's patch to get new ideas, or, the worse side of our human nature, to be critical. And there is something about L3 and Grand Designs that turns it into some sort of soap opera, as they seem to pick the most awkward and/or objectionable people in society.
I have never been in the situation where I have the luxury of choice of where to move into. It's always been - location ok for work, tick, price is right, tick, ok when do we move? Forget decor or whether I like the area, at every move there has been a sense of urgency.
Not this time. I have the luxury of choice, although I now think God wants me to settle quickly. And I think I know which church.
3 churches in 3 weeks - although to be fair, I will never attend the first two regularly due to distance. Number 3, went on recommendation and I already know the pastor as he was the other half of my baptism last year.
I was sitting quietly in the service, so far, so good, maybe less charismatic than I was hoping. Unlikely to be any place for me in the music group, long term maybe very occasionally. Am I in this for the long term? Surely it is far too early...
You have something to offer here. You can be part of the change that I am planning.
Was it God's voice? It sure sounded like it.
I spoke to the pastor afterwards, laid all my cards down and was honest. I've parted company with my previous church, with the senior pastor's blessing. I am looking for a new church. He replied that he had been praying specifically for gifted people to come to his church....
...could it be?
I think I will give this place a couple of months, I don't want to be too hopeful too soon. Yes I am cautious. I am also still hurting a little. It will all take time. Awkward, not sure what I want, not forthright, uncertain, little confidence. And no equivalent of Phil or Kirsty to help me.
But I do have God.
I think it's something to do with our inerrant nosiness. It isn't so much the finding, its the having a good look about somebody else's patch to get new ideas, or, the worse side of our human nature, to be critical. And there is something about L3 and Grand Designs that turns it into some sort of soap opera, as they seem to pick the most awkward and/or objectionable people in society.
I have never been in the situation where I have the luxury of choice of where to move into. It's always been - location ok for work, tick, price is right, tick, ok when do we move? Forget decor or whether I like the area, at every move there has been a sense of urgency.
Not this time. I have the luxury of choice, although I now think God wants me to settle quickly. And I think I know which church.
3 churches in 3 weeks - although to be fair, I will never attend the first two regularly due to distance. Number 3, went on recommendation and I already know the pastor as he was the other half of my baptism last year.
I was sitting quietly in the service, so far, so good, maybe less charismatic than I was hoping. Unlikely to be any place for me in the music group, long term maybe very occasionally. Am I in this for the long term? Surely it is far too early...
You have something to offer here. You can be part of the change that I am planning.
Was it God's voice? It sure sounded like it.
I spoke to the pastor afterwards, laid all my cards down and was honest. I've parted company with my previous church, with the senior pastor's blessing. I am looking for a new church. He replied that he had been praying specifically for gifted people to come to his church....
...could it be?
I think I will give this place a couple of months, I don't want to be too hopeful too soon. Yes I am cautious. I am also still hurting a little. It will all take time. Awkward, not sure what I want, not forthright, uncertain, little confidence. And no equivalent of Phil or Kirsty to help me.
But I do have God.
Friday, 26 October 2012
With a prayer
Better than I ever dared hope. Praise God.
I have been released, with the blessings of the senior Pastor.
And...that's it. I am now without a church. Of course I am still part of the church body, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I am still on a journey with one destination, but...
...this could be scary. I'm travelling free. But at the tiller is Christ.
I have one more conversation to have, with a person unconnected with the church, but I just want to let this sink in for a while.
What have I done?
Cornered into a position (as usual) where I have to trust God to take charge.
This could get very very interesting.
I have been released, with the blessings of the senior Pastor.
And...that's it. I am now without a church. Of course I am still part of the church body, my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, I am still on a journey with one destination, but...
...this could be scary. I'm travelling free. But at the tiller is Christ.
I have one more conversation to have, with a person unconnected with the church, but I just want to let this sink in for a while.
What have I done?
Cornered into a position (as usual) where I have to trust God to take charge.
This could get very very interesting.
Tuesday, 23 October 2012
Kingsway 23rd October
Title: Trust You
First Line: Father of heavenly lights
Artist: Aaron Keyes
Composer: Aaron Keyes, Pat Barrett & Matt McMichael
Album: In the Living Room
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: No
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: My gosh, I love this one already. Maybe it's the oh so slow 6/8 time, maybe it's the "falling" melodic minor melody in the chorus, or the possibilities this one could offer in worship. When I was more into secular music, my tastes were questionable at best, absolutely awful at worst, so I could be horribly, horribly wrong when I say I think this one could be huge. I said a few weeks ago that every so often an artist will write something that has such tremendous WOW factor that it you can live on it for a while without them writing anything else. In my opinion, this is Aaron's banginbetweentheeyeballs hymn.
I'm not sure if the album is yet to be released, but the only indication of where it was from was on the mp3 tag.
A refreshing change that I have no criticism, not even a tiny one. Maybe God has removed that gene for a bit...
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 29th October inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.
First Line: Father of heavenly lights
Artist: Aaron Keyes
Composer: Aaron Keyes, Pat Barrett & Matt McMichael
Album: In the Living Room
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: No
Popular sources: None
My thoughts: My gosh, I love this one already. Maybe it's the oh so slow 6/8 time, maybe it's the "falling" melodic minor melody in the chorus, or the possibilities this one could offer in worship. When I was more into secular music, my tastes were questionable at best, absolutely awful at worst, so I could be horribly, horribly wrong when I say I think this one could be huge. I said a few weeks ago that every so often an artist will write something that has such tremendous WOW factor that it you can live on it for a while without them writing anything else. In my opinion, this is Aaron's banginbetweentheeyeballs hymn.
I'm not sure if the album is yet to be released, but the only indication of where it was from was on the mp3 tag.
A refreshing change that I have no criticism, not even a tiny one. Maybe God has removed that gene for a bit...
This song is available on Kingsway from today until 29th October inc. To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Another week, another church
I went to my friends' church today, about 50 miles away on the Wirral. What was unexpected was the worship; an all male group and mostly old choruses, when I had been led to believe they did more modern stuff.
Then one friend said to the other - "I think that's the first time I've been there where the worship was made up of old choruses" - must have seen me coming! But I noticed, in contrast, the enthusiasm of the group of 30-40 for these old choruses against the Anglicans of last week with modern hymns and no enthusiasm.
God re-iterating to me that it isn't just what you sing and play.
I was finding it difficult to worship; I'm fighting a cold so my voice was rubbish, the WL insisting on playing everything in the "usual" key (so far too high for me), and some of the old choruses stabbed, even ripped at my memory of what was, what it could have been...
...I am being stupidly sentimental and maybe morbidly pessimistic, but despite pretty speeches of "it will be good to have a holiday from all this" - deep down, the WL in me needs to know when. God spoke to me from Hebrews last night.
Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. Hebrews 10:35-36 (KJV 1611)
I cannot know the reward until after I have done God's will, and I need patience, in fact it's that word hoopomonay again - endurance, patient continuance - not really a strongpoint of mine.
And sometimes we need to drop everything, re-prioritise, and move on, marking His footsteps.
Then one friend said to the other - "I think that's the first time I've been there where the worship was made up of old choruses" - must have seen me coming! But I noticed, in contrast, the enthusiasm of the group of 30-40 for these old choruses against the Anglicans of last week with modern hymns and no enthusiasm.
God re-iterating to me that it isn't just what you sing and play.
I was finding it difficult to worship; I'm fighting a cold so my voice was rubbish, the WL insisting on playing everything in the "usual" key (so far too high for me), and some of the old choruses stabbed, even ripped at my memory of what was, what it could have been...
...I am being stupidly sentimental and maybe morbidly pessimistic, but despite pretty speeches of "it will be good to have a holiday from all this" - deep down, the WL in me needs to know when. God spoke to me from Hebrews last night.
Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. Hebrews 10:35-36 (KJV 1611)
I cannot know the reward until after I have done God's will, and I need patience, in fact it's that word hoopomonay again - endurance, patient continuance - not really a strongpoint of mine.
And sometimes we need to drop everything, re-prioritise, and move on, marking His footsteps.
Friday, 19 October 2012
Death and Resurrection
It is faintly ironic, or maybe it is somewhat apt, that my last official session as WL for the church was a post funeral service.
Two hymns, The Lord's my Shepherd and Abide With Me. I listened to the prayers and speeches made in remembrance of the deceased, a person I didn't know very well actually, but I felt God saying to me throughout: "Don't fear. You've made the right decision, trust Me."
The final conversation hasn't taken place. I expect it to take place some time next week - hopefully Monday or Tuesday. I am not going to be persuaded otherwise to the course I am taking - there is a motivation, a catalyst, a devastating piece of information that when imparted to me I could hear the "boom" of the nail being hammered in...
Then that will be it. I will be in the wilderness. I entered one earlier this year, and I now understand why - to prepare me for this: lonelier, forcing me to be even more dependant on God. You want closeness, He said, I can draw you closer. You just have to be willing and pliant to drop every last vestige of ego and sacrifice your whole being.
But I will learn so much. 2012 has been painful. I'd say I'd do it again, but in fact, I don't want that. I want to move on, not ponder on the past. I don't regret anything that has happened, and I do not want the year to end in bitterness. Just hope. Hope for 2013, which will be a very interesting year.
It will be a blessed year, if I continue to do what He wills me to do.
Two hymns, The Lord's my Shepherd and Abide With Me. I listened to the prayers and speeches made in remembrance of the deceased, a person I didn't know very well actually, but I felt God saying to me throughout: "Don't fear. You've made the right decision, trust Me."
The final conversation hasn't taken place. I expect it to take place some time next week - hopefully Monday or Tuesday. I am not going to be persuaded otherwise to the course I am taking - there is a motivation, a catalyst, a devastating piece of information that when imparted to me I could hear the "boom" of the nail being hammered in...
Then that will be it. I will be in the wilderness. I entered one earlier this year, and I now understand why - to prepare me for this: lonelier, forcing me to be even more dependant on God. You want closeness, He said, I can draw you closer. You just have to be willing and pliant to drop every last vestige of ego and sacrifice your whole being.
But I will learn so much. 2012 has been painful. I'd say I'd do it again, but in fact, I don't want that. I want to move on, not ponder on the past. I don't regret anything that has happened, and I do not want the year to end in bitterness. Just hope. Hope for 2013, which will be a very interesting year.
It will be a blessed year, if I continue to do what He wills me to do.
Thursday, 18 October 2012
Liberty she pirouette
I knew it would be painful.
I never thought what I suspected would be the truth. And they also blew me sideways with a confirmation, actually, several confirmations
It's difficult to describe what emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I'm distracting myself with various tasks on the laptop, well, games if I'm honest, though I will move on to a project that I've undertaken which has become less urgent, yet waves of....
...anger...sadness...regret...excitement...anticipation...compassion...
...pass over me with such intensity it is difficult to function, to decide whether I'm happy or sad.
I am certainly unhappy it's come to this. I am even more unhappy that a close friendship I have formed in the last year will become more distant. Oh, sure, the words "stay in touch" are too easy to say, and then life gets in the way of good intentions.
The decision was made easier for me. This is pretty much God's confirmation to tell me to take that first step of faith. With everything else going on. I can...and will...forgive some of the key people who have brought it to this. I suspect in a few months time I will see God's purpose in all this, where He rewards faithfulness with greater prizes, or even experiences which I can only dream of.
The upshot is - last Sunday week was the last time I led worship for the church. I will also be leaving the church. It may be a while before I lead worship on a Sunday again.
There are those that tell me that a calling is a calling - that if God has truly given you a ministry, He will show you the place where you are called. I have to hold fast to the promises He has made to me already, and the ones that will come.
I never thought what I suspected would be the truth. And they also blew me sideways with a confirmation, actually, several confirmations
It's difficult to describe what emotions I'm feeling at the moment. I'm distracting myself with various tasks on the laptop, well, games if I'm honest, though I will move on to a project that I've undertaken which has become less urgent, yet waves of....
...anger...sadness...regret...excitement...anticipation...compassion...
...pass over me with such intensity it is difficult to function, to decide whether I'm happy or sad.
I am certainly unhappy it's come to this. I am even more unhappy that a close friendship I have formed in the last year will become more distant. Oh, sure, the words "stay in touch" are too easy to say, and then life gets in the way of good intentions.
The decision was made easier for me. This is pretty much God's confirmation to tell me to take that first step of faith. With everything else going on. I can...and will...forgive some of the key people who have brought it to this. I suspect in a few months time I will see God's purpose in all this, where He rewards faithfulness with greater prizes, or even experiences which I can only dream of.
The upshot is - last Sunday week was the last time I led worship for the church. I will also be leaving the church. It may be a while before I lead worship on a Sunday again.
There are those that tell me that a calling is a calling - that if God has truly given you a ministry, He will show you the place where you are called. I have to hold fast to the promises He has made to me already, and the ones that will come.
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