I'm still suffering a little, I can safely say I've had better months...tests are coming up negative which is good, of course...
The other day, I drafted a post, a rant really, with something that was going on in the media; in the end I decided it linked me too closely with specific events and people and I really don't want to drag them into it, it isn't fair. Also, I realised, with a heavy heart, humans will be humans and some of them will never listen, even if they are told plainly. Jesus had that problem too. So I deleted the draft post, and I'm glad it never made it into whatever cloud if was heading for, as it may have bit me on the bum later.
Anyway, it is somewhat humbling to hear of acts of courageousness in my local area, suffering the worst flooding for some years. It's now just the sweeping up. I feel like I've been thrown about myself, drowning in hurt, self pity and bitterness...now it's just the cleaning up. He's listened to my rant, I now just have to let go. And slowly, I am.
There are outreach sessions coming up, and although I am ready for them (bizarrely, the choruses aren't really very Christmassy) I cannot take for granted that I will lead worship, anything could happen. If He asks it of me, He will sustain me. Such is my state of mind I take nothing for granted anymore. I'll still go to them of course, they seem to be my only bread and butter nowadays.
I have to find a church.
No comments:
Post a Comment