Lost weekend

The weekend was...

...difficult...

I managed to write down a few things, and it helped.  To see some of my woes summarised in childish scrawl is scary in a way, I now need to get some of these points across to others...nicely.

But I suffered dreadful homesickness whilst I was away.  Last time, I relaxed for a few hours, I even had constructive prayer and Bible study time.  This time round, the area I grew up in held no appeal, and I aborted a day trip after an incident, like a wounded animal I had to get back to my burrow - only my real burrow was a couple of hundred miles away, and I had to make do with a hotel room.  And cry out to Him who is able.

I will stick to my promise of going twice a year, but I can't say that's going to be easy.  I will plan better next time, do things slightly differently, I will also prepare better and give myself a get-out plan...just in case.

The church service I attended on Sunday was good - but sad at the same time.  A congregation of 200 or so, singing very modern hymns (apart from one, nothing we sung was more than 10 years old I think) - but no enthusiasm...no charisma.  It's tempting to say it was disappointing, but it wasn't it was educational in some ways.  God said to me at the start "Just observe."  I did.  When I left, I was hopeful that the young church will eventually get some vim, worshipping their Lord in spirit and in truth.  The thoughts still come back, parallels popping up in my mind with my own situation...

Although I am not leading worship for the next couple of Sundays at least, I came back to 2 worship leading requests - for one of them the hymns are already chosen, I just have to play them.  I might just sing them actually, and not bother dragging along the guitar.  The occasion might just better suit voice and organ as it happens.

The other is one of the "locum" tasks, although I have been told (by God) I can't call it that any more.  So I'm going to have to find another label.  OK, one of the local outreach services for which I happen to be leading worship.  But I somehow feel disrespectful to the person who I am filling in for.  Still, no chance of forgetting about them - I pray for them every night.  In an odd way, they seem to me like a wounded comrade and they are in a field hospital.  They barely know me, are not even aware of my prayers, yet if I can be of some comfort, I hope that prayers are enough.

And I'm meeting up with my friends tomorrow, and it could well be a pivotal moment, a period in time which you can point back to and say: I made a change there, and that's where it all began.  It will just be good to talk to two sensible Christians, who like and respect me and me them, do not have their heads buried in the sand and have sensible advice to impart rather than saying what they think God would have them say.

But I fervently hope that it is the beginning of a new chapter.

Kingsway 16th October

Title: Overcome
First Line: Seated above, enthroned in the Father's love
Artist: Ross Parsley & the Desperation Band
Composer: Jon Egan
Album: Counting on God
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: None

My thoughts: To kick off the comments for this week: an absolutely delicious name for a worship leading group, where were they when we needed a laugh?  Anyhow, this is your fairly typical "anthem" style worship, popular nowadays as it keeps congs of all shapes, sizes and ages happy - as they don't have to learn too much complicated melody.  Meow.   Yes, grudgingly, I have to say I quite enjoy anthem style when part of the cong, but I think I would find it mighty boring if I was leading it myself.  Well, maybe I should try it and find out.  Still, this had me singing along to the chorus at the end, and sounds pretty good (and this version is loud for some reason - over modulating on my lap top) so I will say, it ain't half bad.

This song is available on Kingsway from today until 22nd October inc.  To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.

Friends

Must.  Be.  Patient.  Timing is everything, and I am so guilty of jumping in when the timing is all wrong.

Nearly there with one of the meetings though.  Intriguing that not only do I want to see them, they want to see me.

I don't know if this is some insight they've had into the situation, or maybe there is something very very important they have to say to me as well.

So.  Even more reason to be patient.  Double prayers over the weekend.

Kingsway 9th October

Title: Holy Spirit Living Breath of God
First Line: Holy Spirit living breath of God
Artist: Kristyn Getty
Composer:  Stuart Townend & Keith Getty
Album: Hymns For the Christian Life
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Yes
Popular sources: SOF4

My thoughts: So it's the sainted Townend and Getty this week (cue loud heavenly choir).  I have loads of respect for the pairing, as you've probably already gathered, and the stuff they have done together, and separately, are a staple of my repetoire - if you can call it that!  You can feel a "but" coming on, can't you.  Yes, you're right.  But.  There was a series of hymns written by them, I think it was the Creed series, of which this is one, which are competent, pleasant, easy to pick up, easy to sing and....all sounding suspiciously like In Christ Alone or at least in certain passages, or have the same word structure, and are just a bit hohum.

Before you burn me at the stake for heresy, can I just repeat I love most of what they've written, I just think in some areas they've tried too hard.

I have a copy of this from Everlasting God, one of the Kingsway special compilations.  And after all the criticism above, I can say that this version, from the new Getty album, is the better.  The producers have made Kristyn sound like a heavenly angel - all ethereal and soft, and of course she has a jealousy-inducing-really-good-voice.  And yes, I do like this one to listen to.  But to me it isn't special enough to use, other than maybe during ministry times.

This song is available on Kingsway from today until 15th October inc.  To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.

Transition - Part two

Distracted at work today, too much going on in my head.

I’m excited, but sorrowful.  Trusting, but change is painful.

I thought I’d post today as a postscript to the rather weary post of yesterday.

“You’re free of me for a few weeks.” I said during a break in worship yesterday.  Was it a lie, when I’ve already made up my mind about the future?  Or am I being careful, and waiting until I’ve spoken to the key people first?  I’ve said I’m 99.9% certain.  I need to clear that 0.1% before I state what I know in my heart I have to do.  That may seem daft to some.

Today, I sent off an email to my mentors, asking to meet up next week – I expect it to be one of the most painful conversations of my life, I have a feeling there will be tears on all sides – I need to write down everything that has led up to this moment, else my resolve might weaken in the face of sentimentality.  There are two other very important people I need to speak to about it, one will not be clear on why I have to do this, and I need to make sure there are no rumours, no misunderstandings.  The reasons for doing this are not as clear cut as they think. The other person may question my motives.  But I cannot ignore the signals.

There were a couple of catalysts last week, but there was one very important catalyst which I needed – the starting gun.

I realised this morning that I heard it a couple of days ago.  It is fortunate I’m not running an actual race with others, I would be well behind.  I heard it on Saturday.  God spoke to me through one of the ladies praying for me.  You have the anointing.  You have the gifts, given to you by Me.  Use them, and be you.  Stop calling yourself a stand in or locum for this which I have given you.

It was the call to raise my sail.

In my church, there is little in the way of “congregational participation” – you basically have to try and encourage it and it is akin to pulling teeth.  For the worship session on Saturday, I decided to play “I will worship”, Ruis’s well-known “echo” chorus.  Different congregation, nobody from my church at all.  I decided if they wanted to participate, they would.  More chance there than my own church.

I sang the first line.  The echo was slightly croaky, and maybe slightly off key.  But it was there.  And to my ears, it was like the angels echoing back.  I was overjoyed.

That, and other things that have occurred since July have brought me to a final decision.

It is something I can no longer ignore.  I am taking a step of faith. 

Transition

Worship this morning:

To God be the Glory
Dear Lord and Father of Mankind

One half of communion, then

When I Survey

The message, or most of it, then

Be Thou My Vision

The rest of the message, the other half of communion, then

Jesus, All for Jesus

An interesting mix of very old, and one somewhat more modern - that Atkinson/Mark one just seemed absolutely perfect.

I had my reservations about today.  Something happened in the lead up to it which got me a bit riled; it was all sorted by Friday night, but I didn't actually know until this morning what I would be playing and how it would shape up.

I had some tears during Be Thou My Vision, I don't know if they were tears of joy, fear or even guilt.  There are some changes ahead, I need to reposition.

This will be my last Sunday "worship" post for a while.

Kingsway 2nd October

Title: God my Rock
First Line: When my heart is overwhelmed
Artist: Brenton Brown
Composer: Brenton Brown, Paul Baloche
Album: God my Rock
Mp3: Yes
Sheet Music: Yes
CCL: Too new
Popular sources: Too new...I think I can pretty much guarantee it will be in the next Kingsway publication though

My thoughts: To me, choruses and hymns fall into 4 broad categories; Praise, Worship, Praise Bridge (these include traditional hymns, they set the mood for the next half of the worship session) and Worship Bridge (set the mood for Worship and can be used to drift into the quiet time of the session).  The most valuable choruses and hymns are those that are, or can be adapted to be, 2 or more of the categories.  Brown and Baloche are an irresistable pairing, they haven't disappointed me yet, and this one not only is a very good Christian song, it is also both Praise Bridge and Worship Bridge, meaning it could go far - especially with me.   You can keep it at one speed, or break it right down at the end, wow I can just imagine it.   Itching to transcribe it already.  I've even added the God my Rock album to my Kingsway wishlist.

Great to get excited about something for a change, and there is definitely something about this one.  And a nice surprise - I thought it was going to be something from Bethel, but I didn't notice that Brown had a new one out also.  Maybe next week?  Or something from the Getty stable?

This song is available on Kingsway from today until 8th October inc.  To access, you must logon; or register with Kingsway, who in return will add you to their mailing list, but they are not serial spammers.