Had a long chat with The Boss last night, and I made a vow. I'm just going to get on with it. It seems like a long time between now and my coming apart, but He is my Strength, and I'm just going to have to remember I'm not alone with this.
I talked about my problems, in depth, with a Christian friend/pastor (he also baptised me). He said, Fiona, you've got to remember you were baptised recently, and your worship leading has taken off, big time. You are going to be under attack.
I learned early on that the enemy hates worshippers. Just think how much he hates worship leaders. He tried the old tactics on me last summer, thinking that as it worked last time, it will work again. It didn't, and he's now trying another angle of attack.
But no-one, nothing, can take away that fundamental belief anymore. I could end up totally broken, I won't stop believing, and I won't apologise to anyone for this. The ultimate rest will come, it may be soon, it may be 40, 50 years from now. Ultimately, I want to serve my Father, not myself, and although the church and congregation come high on the list of priorities, all these priorities will be willingly ditched - in favour of the first one. This burns him big time making this vow. I am not going to compromise loyalty any more.
I didn't blog much about Sunday's service, as I was still going through the "woe is me" stage. But the theme was the Lord being a light. In retrospect, I should have shared that verse that I read only on Saturday night, at the top of this post. I will apologise, and share it on Friday, or maybe even Saturday. Oh yes, there is an extra shindig this week that will be a lot of fun, hopefully, but I know that I still need to treat it as Frontline.
But know that I am not alone.
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