Coming together...coming apart

On Friday night, I gave a message on the assurance of faith.   There was quite an internal fight going on, as right up to the point of me giving the message, I wasn't going to go through with it.  Let's just have some fellowship, I thought.  No, said God, you are going to give the message.  I did, and it went well.  This morning, I understood why this was required of me, as faith and trust was central to the worship, what was on the leader's heart, and the message; God set the stage for the entire weekend on Friday night.

Lord, I Come Before Your Throne
When We Walk with the Lord (Trust and Obey)
I Will Offer up my Life (Thankful Heart)
Jesus, Be the Centre
Holy Spirit, How I Love You

Even seeing them together now, I recognise what a powerful set it is; an incredible mix of old and modern.  I was blessed by the entire service.  We over-ran.  We didn't care, God met with us this morning.

I got prayer afterwards from my closest friend in the church - I'm sure that God was fine with me asking for this, and in fact, I feel much much better than I have done in previous days, focussed enough to make some plans on what I am going to do for the next 3 weeks...

...yes, it will be 3 weeks before I lead worship again.  I believe I need that length of time.  I have officially told them only 2, but if I get no signals from God otherwise, it will be 3.

It won't be a music "fast" like last time.  It will be rest, prayer, some worship, some chorus-storming, some searching, some listening, but I want my quiet times to be All God.  100% proof if possible.

I may not get it right.  But I'm a little bit broken and I want to be closer to being mended, rather than having cogs and springs popping out of me every so often.  The cogs and springs, by the way, are the little irritations that I am allowing to "bug" me, and I need to learn how to be constructive with them.

I may end up just posting on Tuesdays for the next 3 weeks.  I hope this doesn't happen, as I wouldn't mind having, at the very least, a vague diary of just what happens next...

What next, God?