New chapters

Worship this morning:

In Heavenly Armour
Jesus Shall Take the Highest Honour
I will sing the Wondrous story
I will offer up my life
Jesus, all for Jesus

I made a decision today - I was somewhat "motivated" (if that's the correct word) by comments made the last two Friday Bible studies, and a further one today.

It probably won't be popular - especially with one person.  And - most of all - I hate the fact I may be letting them down.  Something radical would have to happen to make me change my mind, or my heart will really have to change, or an attitude needs to be kicked into touch.  If that happens, for sure, I'll rethink - but I almost feel like it would be a miracle of similar proportions to curing a terminal illness.  This is possible, and I believe it.  But I've felt like this for too long, and as each day, week, month goes by it just intensifies.

A door is opening.  Someone said to me recently that this door, this opportunity, may not be either/or.  It could be something that God is using to supplement what I'm doing already.  But I've been pondering some lyrics recently, from a favourite secular song of mine by Pink Floyd:

"Did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?"

I asked this question of God last night - did I?  He seemed to answer that it was a question of perception.  Being WL could be a small part of a large war - or - as it feels at the moment - a monkey trap.  The new opp could involve WL - for a short while at least, it would be in no wise as permanent as I have here - but I would prefer a lowlier position - even just to be part of a cong again - than to carry on fighting things I cannot see.  Give it over to God, I can hear some of you saying, well, this is part of it.

In 6-7 weeks, something very profound has to happen for the wind of change to revert back to the previous direction.  There is an impetus inside me now that I feel cannot be denied.  It's time to make a radical, perhaps life-changing decision, before the spirit in me dies.  It is that serious.  I'm sick of bread and milk, I need meat.  If that means coming down a peg or two or entering a valley or a wilderness I will do it, because I cannot carry on in the fashion I am now.