Sense and logic

I have joked that God had a bit of a fight with me, with the personality that I am things have got to make logical sense before I can trust it.  I also have a problem with the word finite, that something is definitely the truth, because, well, basically, it just is.

I said to God I had a problem with finity.  He said "That's fine, I'm infinite, you have a lifetime to understand."  I rose to the challenge.

But sometimes stuff just doesn't make sense wherever you file it, even with people saying God just is.  I challenged someone last night in a biblical context, they said something was written when it wasn't.  It was minor, and I almost regretted saying it because although sometimes I revel in being contentious, it could be seen as petty at face value.  Trouble is, the person argued back, and then I really couldn't let go of it.

My mind had already been thrown off kilter by a few pieces of news, one of which had me practically in tears before Bible study begun.

Why?  Just....why?

Throughout the evening, God seemed to be asking "Are you angry with Me?"  I tried to avoid answering, but once cornered, I had to be honest: "I hope I'm not.  I can't begin to understand Your purposes."

Someone said to me the other day that if what I'm doing is a burden to me, and too heavy, I need to stop - and a picture has entered my mind of manual handling courses where you're taught not to lift anything that's too heavy - and at least know the right way to carry it.

I learned something last night though - with what I am about to do, I am on my own.  I can't drag anyone else into it, unless they want to pray for me.  Actually, I'm not on my own, I have my SOH, my guitar, and God.  This was all I started with over a year ago, everything else I have to let go of, only then can I start walking straight again.