Highs and lows

Just to get one thing straight at the beginning: a worship leader at no time should be thinking that it is by their own ability that they are riding a "high", and conversely, to never automatically think that it is by their own failings that they feel like they've crashed underneath a mighty wave.

I thought I could read my predecessor quite well.  If she sat down after worship looking like a smug cat, and the congregation were awake and alive, I knew she was feeling good about the day's work, she was riding a high.  If she slouched back to her seat after a quick nod to the rest of us to thank us for our input, she'd crashed into a low - the congregation just hadn't responded.
I know how she feels now, exactly how she feels.  If you've worked your guts out, or poured your whole soul and spirit it seems like into the week's worship, and the congregation have not responded well to it, it is so so easy to blame yourself and dip into the low.

But I'm learning something.  Worship leading isn't a "gig", "performance" or "show" it is a duty and even we forget sometimes.  Matt Redman fell into that hole once and wrote "Heart of Worship" as a result.  It becomes a testimony, but I don't think I want to experience that one - that said, I hope that the senior people at the church can be honest enough with me to say: "Fiona, this morning showed us your heart is all wrong with God.  Stop leading for a few weeks.  Get right with God."

So, you're right with God.  God anoints the WL, who in turn blesses the congregation, who in turn bless God, who in turn blesses the WL...and so on.  2 Corinthians something in action....7?...8?...can't remember and this particular puta is too slow to go to bible.com.  Anyway, you get my meaning. 

A minister I knew spoke of those statements in Psalms: "The fool has said in his heart, there is no God".  Although, yes, referring to the unbeliever, you could equally say anyone could say that there is no God.  Remove the italicised bit.  It becomes "No, God.  I don't want your blessing.  I'm too comfortable as I am." - this person is perhaps the biggest fool, but aren't we all guilty of it, at some time?

Your duty, as WL, is to be right, clean, with God, bestow the blessing through the music and hope that the congregation is receptive to say "Yes, God", because then the blessing comes right back atcha via God.  That's when you become the smug cat.

But don't be discouraged if it doesn't come back.  Maybe you weren't right for the day?  Or just maybe, the congregation weren't.  You've done your duty, and maybe the blessing will come later.  Endurance, perseverance, patience...do the tasks set to you faithfully and the reward will come, but don't be trying to prethink the motives, or actions, of God.